All Puns Intended

Enjoy this selection of puns

A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of wordplay that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language.

Or simply...

It is a joke or type of wordplay in which similar senses or sounds of two words or phrases, or different senses of the same word, are deliberately confused.

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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive

A pharmaceutical truck full of Viagra was stolen today. Police have asked the public to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
“But why,” they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” says Dolly.
“It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, ‘I've lost my electron.’
The other says ‘Are you sure?’
The first replies, ‘Yes, I'm positive.’

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

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