I'm not trained for this.

Back when i was growing up my idea of a father/dad was the guy that would come home to his partner kick off his muddy boots and be greeted by a warm meal and hugs from his children before handing his earnings over to his family only to do it all again the next day. At least that is what i seen when looking through my best friends window as i waited for him to finish his meal and continue to play.

Yes my childhood was no family picnic. I am the oldest of  five (2 brothers, 2 sisters and me) all from 4 different men. My mother was like many mothers of my time struggling to pay bills and found it hard to to get her priority's in place when it came to parenthood or adulthood. We watched her fail 3 times to become a happily married women and even faced the heartache of knowing she gave my brother up for adoption.

Safe to say my flight or flight kicked in when i was only ten and i decided to leave home and move in with my granddad. "yes" things where finally looking up, well that is  until the police came and took my granddad away for sexual abuse and i was forced back home to my mother. but there was another, my Nana could this finally be the blissful life i needed to relinquish my lost childhood. well gladly i can say it was and that despite the fact she had raised her own children and moved on from married life. she was a great parent to me, spoiling me rotten as grandparents do. 

I had friends, i had relationships, a good education and family i could trust and although i had left my mothers care her love was still shown to us all i her own way and me and her had a better relationship going forward.

As a teenager and college student my life took its worst turn but with only myself to blame as i got in with the crowd and started using drugs and partying all the time. This led to me losing my education and my nana admitting that i was to much for her handle as she started to feel the effects of old age. 

Fast forward a few months and i was getting my own flat in a run down area of town with only my giro to live off and after feeling the effects of losing my first love my life (or lack of it) had peaked.

It was time to take hold!

i needed out quick so thought of joining the army but the answer was staring me in the face from a job centre computer. I got my first job at a theme park with accommodation. this gave me time to mature and took me away from the poisons that was killing me.

When i got back i was a changed man with ambitions and new sense of life. i even went back to that theme park for a second season and that's where i met my current partner. She was kind, caring, funny and adventurous and we had a great time meeting up, going out and even a holiday together. But it was that holiday that would give me my biggest challenge as not long after we got back she said those words would change my life forever........

I'm Pregnant

     How was i going to be a good dad?

      What training have i had to get me ready for this?

      So here i am my oldest child is almost 13 and my youngest is 7. i come home from work, kick off my dirty boots, hug my children and am greeted with a meal. I am a father.