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RE: Fireflies - Chapter 18

in #fantasy6 years ago (edited)

Question

he savagely whispered his threat. “Never.”

You lose the great effect of "savage whisper" by adding 'his threat'

For me, this is more effective:

Without raising his head, he savagely whispered, “Never.”

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You think? hmmmm Maybe this is preference then... hehehe I feel like having the nearness of the word "whispered" even though it is savagely whispered... diminishes the fierceness. I don't know why LOL but having threat closer to "never" keeps it more fresh in my mind. hahahaha

love your suggestions though! I can feel your care for every detail of the story!!! :)

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