20 Things You Don't Know About Losing a Parent

I am amazed at the plethora of "self taught" guides that the internet offers about every subject you can imagine. But, I tell you, even though NOTHING can prepare or teach you about the loss of a parent, you can start the healing process before it begins by knowing what you can or can't handle now.

It's been 2 years since my dad's passing in December 2015 and I still have a hard time keeping a dry eye during the holidays. Every event, every scent, every sound makes the memory of him more vivid and makes it harder to accept his absence. Even losing a close friend during my primitive years did not remotely prepare me for the reality of not having my dad around. Death, not necessarily a popular subject among friends or family, is a subject that SHOULD be discussed, and often. Why? Because it happens all day, everyday and to everyone you know. And one day, you will know it first hand.

So let's get very real here and discuss the subject no one wants to face but needs to face in order to deal with the inevitable.

20 THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT LOSING A PARENT

1. Time moves very slowly and doesn't go back to "normal" for a long time.
2. You don't eat or sleep for days, not because you choose to, but because there is so much going on that you forget.
3. You have to make difficult phone calls to family and friends within hours of receiving the news yourself, especially those on the deceased's contact list.
4. There are so many people besides family/friends you have to talk to when you don't feel like talking: medical personnel and doctors, religious affiliates, funeral directors, & insurances.
5. At the funeral, you don't have the opportunity to cry or feel sad because you are too busy thanking and comforting visitors.
6. There will be lots of visitors who come dressed inappropriately for the funeral or during visitation. You wonder if they came straight from happy hour.
7. You don't feel like writing thank you notes but that's what you end up doing for people who have sent in floral arrangements.
8. You have to make lots of phone calls to cancel accounts related to the deceased (if you're their caretaker) and realized you have told at least 10 strangers, who couldn't care less, that your parent is dead.
9. The 3-day bereavement policy from work is some arbitrary number that your employer decided was the maximum amount of days they can spread out your workload.
10. When you return to work, 99.9% of your coworkers will not even look at you in the eye or acknowledge that you've lost someone important.
11. You might lose your job because some work places have a policy about unapproved absences.
12. You're new favorite wardrobe of choice is black on black on black.
13. You go through the daily motions but everything seems "off". Even pouring a cup of coffee feels different.
14. You reminiscence about your lost parent through rose-colored lenses. You can't remember their wrongs or have fully forgiven their shortcomings without realizing it.
15. You're grateful that you recently took a family portrait because, otherwise, there wouldn't be any decent pictures for the funeral or tombstone.
16. You put off on the conversation but you know you have to explain to your young children what's happened to their grandparent in a way that makes sense to them, when it doesn't even make sense to you.
17. You question your own existence and the inevitable.
18. Friends will stop calling after weeks, months, years. You'll most likely lose more than half of them.
19. One day you wake up, feeling OK and more like yourself.
20. You realize........healing is also inevitable.

To anyone that has also lost a parent, I would love to hear how you dealt with the trauma and what helped you heal. To all those who have recently lost their parent, I just want you to know that you WILL be OK. You're already healing, you just don't realize it yet.