My Youngest Daughter Is About To Turn 18...Awesome Milestone But Damn, How Old Does That Make Me.
The milestones of life lay out a clearly defined path for us to gaze back along and review the shape and pattern of the years behind us.
Weddings, christenings, births, deaths and Christmas's
But nothing is more memorable as a beacon from the past than those milestone birthdays...When we think back on them we remember the music of the moment, the fashion, where we were, who our friends were and this conjures up a kind of zeitgeist of the time.
But when it is our childrens growth and progression we are pondering it seems so much faster than our own, almost as though they are slightly out of sync with natural laws of the universe, time and dimensions. I have been faced with a lot of reflection over the past few days as my youngest Daughter is about to turn 18 and become a woman in earnest. This is slightly scary to me as I am utterly convinced that I am still in my early 20's despite having an older Daughter of 26!!!
My 2 beautiful Girls Jade and Charlotte 😍
I question the boundaries I have set, the example I have given, the Father I have been and have yet to be. Should I have strived more to be a successful businessman, writer or maybe the number one yo-yo salesman in England? If I had been a wealthier man could I have given them more opportunities to be exceptional too?I guess these questions will be relegated to the "We'll never know the answer" pile.
You see my girls have always been well behaved, respectful, polite and reasonably easy-going...There's a few teenage stories that at times counteract this but they were never serious and we have always pulled together as a family. My wonderful lady Terry, My Daughetrs Jade and Charlotte and I have always been a reasonably cohesive unit of harmony, think: The Beatles before Yoko!
If any of us is moody more than the others I can only be honest and admit that yes...It is Moi, I work 12 hour shifts and they sap at my energy and mess with my diabetes making me a bloody moody English-Dude. But I have always been one for lots of "I love you's" I believe part of helping a child feel secure in their own skin is for them to know and feel they are loved.
But I have a slight unease, not intense but a nagging doubt tugging at the periphery of my consciousness.
- Could I have given them more as they were growing, not just material things, but extra lessons, activities and such?
- Could they have benefited much more if I were not just an average working class man?
- Some of their friends went on stunning holidays every year, did my girls miss out?
- Some of their friends lived in amazing homes, were dropped at school in amazing cars, did my girls miss out?
- Would having a driven, successful role-model as a Dad have helped them to succeed at the often rigged game of life?
If I am gonna be brutally honest. Yes maybe they could've had a better life if I had been a little wealthier, however...I remembered something as this was going through my mind earlier today.
Many of those kids from the majestic homes with the seemingly perfect lives often stood on stage at school with nobody to clap, cheer and shed a tear for them. Many of them didn't attend parents evenings as there was nobody to take them along and speak to their teachers as they were staying late at the office/business again. Saddest of all some of these kids were not allowed to just let go and have fun...Mummy and Daddy were so highly strung and so damn serious and always demanded the most impeccable behaviour and demeanor from little Jeremy and Jemima at all times, fun was simply not on the schedule!
My lovely lady and I
In our tiny modest sized garden Summer-time meant water fights and fun-times. We had BBQ's, there was never lobster or caviar at these soirees and the Moet and Chandon was not exactly free-flowing. Often there was only the four of us and our faithful family pooch but it was and still is fun! Christmas has always been a time of great joy and love too, always spent together and always enjoyed to the max in a home festooned with the most garish and tacky over the top decorations, but we love it!
I have always swung between the two extremes of strict Dad and fun Dad.
Strict because we must always set, stick to and enforce the no question rules and boundaries those that concern, safety, respect and empathy for others.
Fun because life is too damn short, right?
No matter how much money I had, I would not have lavished anything and everything on my girls as though they were a pair of spoiled Princess's, not my style at all. It is important to know the value of things, how and why we are able to have them and also to understand the plight of those far less fortunate than us. There were times when we had very little, my lovely lady and I didn't have a lot of clothes and certainly no money for shopping sprees, I had a series of poorly paid jobs that just didn't fund that kind of lifestyle. But my Daughters never went without things like that, they were always well turned out and well looked after. My partner and I knew that our turn would come later and this has become the case over the last couple of years.
When I look back over my daughters lives and the people they have become I am incredibly proud and immensely satisfied in who they have become. I am excited to see how both of their lives pan-out and look forward to many, many happy milestone moments to gaze back upon as I get older and more importantly to be involved with as they are happening.
So I guess however old that makes me 45 it does not matter a jot for I am blessed in the most wonderful way imaginable and I gotta tell ya friends...
That is worth way more than money and any fancy cars!
Happy 18th Birthday Charlie. I hope life is gonna be an awesome adventure for you xxx 💖
Happy 18th Charlie.
What a wonderful read @stevenwood. A great insight into the mind of the father, asking himself mentally,
'Have I been the best I could have been for the sake of my children'
and the answer of course, to me is clear.
YES
Despite the wishful lack of materialistic gain's, Or the broken dream of that once in a lifetime jet-set holiday, to some remote part of the world to spend year's of hard savings for just two week's enjoyment.
You and your lovely lady have given the young women the best start in their journey into adulthood that a parent could hope for.
See I always look at other people's lives and ask myself
How can they afford 2 holiday's a year and £300 pound coats When I struggle to take my children for a long weekend camping.
But then I look at how what really matters.
LOVE
And it's love that gives your children the tool's and the knowledge to be a better person. something that comes across clearly when I read this post.
Here's to memories and lot's more to come
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The time certainly does fly by when you're parenting, doesn't it @stevenwood?! Mine are now 20 and 23, two boys; I seemed to blink, and it was all over. It seems that some of the days were terribly long haha, but the years just flew.
How is it that we never age? :)
You seem like a great dad by the way. To even question some things tells me you are in tune with it all. I too often couldn't buy my kids 'stuff' or take great holidays, but it didn't matter. They remember the time I spent with them doing things; that was way more important. My ex doesn't have the relationship I do with them because he spent more time focusing on work and "paying them off" with gifts. Kids eventually see through all of that.
Happy birthday Charlie! You've got a great dad :)
look at that handsome bloke and family :)