On this father's day I want to celebrate by sharing one of the most important things I've ever written. I'd love to have it live of here on the blockchain and come out of the void of facebook.

AUTHOR NOTES:

• This long post contains candid discussion of sensitive subjects during a time that it was very real and raw...
• I also discuss religious beliefs and there is a fair-share of vulnerability.
• This was written almost 2 years ago... i'll keep it mostly the same (I'll add a couple thoughts)
• What i'm most excited about is the ability to change the formatting and make it more readable.
• Keep in mind this was written in the present but is being posted 2 years later
• I will share my next two posts i wrote around that time soon. You can see how things went and what I thought and felt.

Again if death and faith are hard subjects for you ...

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GOING HOME TO SAY GOODBYE ... for now

• This is not a eulogy, no one has died yet, these are reflections.
• I offer you my thoughts below.
• And give you the challenge to respond without using the word "sorry"

A MESSAGE TO MY DAD:

Hold on for another day or three so I can say goodbye for now.
I know you're ready to go, probably somewhat excited...
But hold on cuz It's a long long drive to Oregon and i'll need to take a nap cuz i haven't slept much.

A picture i took on a trip (to oregon to visit) i think a year or two before his passing. And yes I inherited the bolo and the jacket.

ON SAYING GOODBYE

I don't know what it's like to loose someone really close, never knew my grandparents well (they were much older), some I never knew at all, a few awesome friends passed away and a niece that always lived far away. Basically death has never been that close.

I love funerals actually...but i've only been to a couple and they were people that were older and ready to go and some of the ones I've been to have been some of the most spiritual and uplifting events I've ever been to in my life.

In my experience funerals have been: A memory of a beautiful and wonderful life... remembering the best in someone and sharing those stories is so very special to me... but it's never been for someone I've been around for days on end let alone all my life. So this will be a new journey.

THE JARVIE WAY

I feel like us Jarvies are pretty good at Goodbyes they are never all that emotional for us. "See you next time" is the feel. Not sure why it was never a big deal for school, religious mission, holidays... I'm not sure how much we ever experienced home-sickness. - Perhaps saying goodbye wasn't a big deal because we knew there'd always be a next time?

• Because we're so independent?
• Because we just are wired different?
• Or because our love is more confidently understood rather than outwardly expressed ... I think perhaps I like that description the best right now.

I'm sure this goodbye is gonna be very different. We're gonna want to let him know very largely how we feel and for him it'll be apropos because he can't really talk anymore but we'll still just know he loved us and did right by us.

BUT IT'S JUST A GOODBYE

More or less like the rest... Just a lot longer... let's hope it's like 50 years or more for me, I'm ok with that long of a goodbye.

Our goodbyes are just a beginning to the reunitings he'll have
His parents, his grandparents, his brother and sister in law, even a grandchild, his highschool friends, his war buddies, people I'm sure I never knew that he spent years of his life with and were good friends ... well those goodbyes (he already had) are just about to end with some big hugs and some good story-tellings. I honestly think he's looking forward to it.

I'M PROUD OF MY FAMILY

Their perspective on life and death (both very real things) is so impressive.

• It's a goodbye... for now.
• There's just no doubt it's anything but...
• Sure it's gonna be hard... people mourn... and you "mourn with those that mourn"
• You have the help, advice, example and love of someone for your whole life and then that source is gone... it takes time to adjust.

NO DOUBTS

But there is no doubt and that's the big message I wanted to share with YOU.
There is no end. My dad knew it, I know it... and I hope YOU know it.
And you may not... but if any bit of confidence from us helps you... then that's awesome.

Why do I have no doubt? ... it's largely because of this man himself.
There was just no doubt in his heart about God and that we are eternal, my dad was the unmovable rock in that category. I believe he was the rock for all of us. That's one of the grand gifts he shared with me: the gift of faith, some people really have to earn it (much more impressive) and I was handed it as a birthright from a dad that just oozed it. He didn't have to say much... you just knew he knew.

THIS IS NOT A EULOGY

No one is dead yet.
It's just some reflections on what this may be like in the next few days...

I'LL WRITE AGAIN

There's much more to be experienced more emotions to feel.
Feelings can be tough sometimes but there is strength in feeling them and not running from them.

Living and Feelings can build you up or break you down... I'm ready for the experience to make me a better person. This is part of my method... with words... and sharing.

IF I HAD MY WAY...

We're not begging him to stay... we're asking him if he'd be kind enough to let us say our goodbyes and have this moment to adjust.

For me to ask him to stay forever is selfish...

• I would have loved to have him see me do my next big thing and be proud...
• I would have loved to have him see my future children...
• I would have loved for my children to know him and see the example of a hard working man and a firm believer.

TO THE READER

I just want everyone reading this to know that I'll be fine, we'll be fine, my dad will be fine as well, not in the way the world defines it... (because death is not the end). My mom needs your love and actual physical help and comfort, don't ask... just find out and do it.

ON DOUBT AND FAITH
Faith is hard, it's meant to be hard, it's meant to be tested, you're meant to grasp the faint hint of the eternal whisper that you can barely hear until you listen so intently, with such fervor, it becomes a symphony in your ears, a symphony that always existed but you couldn't hear because you didn't even know it was there, or how, or where, or when ... you're supposed to put one step into the dark, 2 steps, walk a mile... because of something inside you which science doesn't understand, but is so real when you find it.

CHOOSE TO LOVE AND BELIEVE

It's hard... I get it...trusting broken people that you don't think should have heard that symphony before you (because you're so much more worthy and they have made so many more mistakes... ) why is it fair. It's not a trial is never fair... by definition.

Choosing to love and choosing to be believing that's some beautiful stuff. I choose to see the beauty in my dad and his example, he has heard that symphony and i think it sounds something like this to him

... I choose to let his life lead me to more faith.

WE ARE ETERNAL
THIS IS NOT THE END
THIS IS NOT GOODBYE

LOVE. BELIEVE. GROW

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TO THE READER ON STEEMIT

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• This series was one of the most important things I've written so It makes sense to re-edit and post here where it wouldn't be hidden forever but live forever on the blockchain. haha

• The original was written sep25th 2016 on facebook

• I will soon post 2 more posts from right after his passing and then a month later as I had time to process even more.

All in all 2 years later this is not so much about the news of my father's passing... this is about how we handle LIFE and how what we believe impacts us greatly. How we handle trials. How we handle big things. It's about perspective. So if you feel inclined to comment let it be about those things.

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