What A Stranger Told me...
I got told off yesterday by a stranger...
I was paying too much attention to my tablet and not watching my kids on their bicycles as they were at that point about 100 yards up the path.
He told me that I'd better watch my kids rather than bury my nose working on the tablet, as children are more important than whatever it was I might have been doing on there, as someone could easily come and take the children and I wouldn't even know. There are a lot of evil people about, you know.
I would know because they would scream the place down.
But anyway in a way he was right, I put the tablet down, I was literally just doing a task that involved a few clicks, then I was going to stop anyway.
I have thought the same thing in parks particularly, as I have seen mothers buried in their phones while their 2-year-old hang perilously off climbing frames or falling over, blood gushing from their knees, crying their eyes out, whilst the mothers don't notice with glazed looks in their eyes. I judged them, just as he judged me.
I have seen the YouTube videos of people with their children in parks and someone has 'pranked' them by taking the child and seeing if they noticed and sometimes it has been a few minutes before they realized that their child was missing.
So in my case, was that momentarily lapse of not paying attention forgivable?
I certainly got away with it, the kids were fine and as far as I am concerned it is a 'safe' area that we all know well, outside their school in fact.
But would I have forgiven myself if something had happened?
I am not going to watch them like hawks the whole time, you could argue that someone could come into the back garden also and take them, but they play out there most days and I stick out my head occasionally to make sure they are ok. I can hear them most of the time anyway. The same with where I took them to ride their bikes.
Of course, when we are in places we don't know and cities and airports, they are not allowed a whiskers width away, even parks, certain ones I won't take them to unless there are two people to keep an eye on them, as they both like to do different things.
When I was 7, it went all around the village where I lived that I'd refused to accept a lift with the vicar, because he was a stranger, but I walked around the village on my own.
I know times have changed.
But you can't spend life worrying about what might happen like that all the time, they'd be wrapped in bubble wrap, never leave the house and be completely be unable to deal with life situations and a parent's sanity would be always on the precipice. Even their dance classes are no parents allowed in case we put them off, you could choose to read 'evil' into that and the teachers at school.
For the amount of time, I was actually on the tablet, I could have been having a daydream, been lost in thought, writing something down to remember for later, looking briefly in the wrong direction, talking to someone - are all those things 'bad' parenting also?
At the end of the day, it is a hard job and everyone will have a different opinion on it and how to do it 'right'. And some days will feel like this...
Note: Images from Pixabay.
Free daily crypto: Swift Coins
My STEEM Success Strategy (not free):Post 2 Profit
This is a very good question. Vigilance is good but when is too much vigilance paralyzing? To both the parent and the child. There is a difference between looking away for a few seconds and getting lost in your phone for minutes on end. Knowing that your children would scream the place down means that you have taught them independence and judgement. Chances are they wouldn't accept a lift from the vicar either. :-)
There is a fine line there somewhere for sure.
is it really that much different from generations ago when parents would send their kids outside to play with their friends all day and not know where they were? i remember a lot of the shenanigans my parents told me about them doing when they were kids. So a split second on my phone is not really that bad.
I heard a statistic, which I unfortunately can't back up with evidence at the moment, but it was expressing the fact that today people are more afraid even though, quantitatively the world is actually safer than it used to be. Believable in my opinion!
i remember seeing a graph about that a while back. child abductions are at like a tenth of what they were in the 60's / 70's but people are more scared because we have how horrible the world is shoved in our face every second of every day on social media and the news. I believe most violent crime is actually down or the same from then which is pretty awesome considering the drastic increase in the population since then.
I try to see the world through a bit of a rosy outlook, so this really helps. I don't like to think of the world as such a bad place. The majority are I believe are decent people, but there will always be those few.
Unfortunately i am not afforded that outlook anymore. I have this scar from ear to ear where the plates wete put in my skull to remind me that people have no issue with hitting you in the head with a bat for no reason. Kinda skews your view of the world from that point on.
In my place, when we were little, our parents used to scare us with gbomo-gbomo (child snatchers). Most of us became scared to come out in the afternoon when our parents where not around to watch us. It was a good trick that worked for the cool headed ones. I slipped through my window when my mother had her siesta and joined my friends to play but I never left the area close to my house. This was not because my mom would know but because I was scared of my father coming home to find me absent. My bum would yell you a story or two about my father's cane.
The social media and the proliferation of cell phones have indeed changed parenting systems. Every one is on their phone these days. Its so bad that family members do not interact face to face in the same house anymore.
There needs to be a balance between watching out for our kids and taking our social media fix for the day.
There are so much we could do to ease this dependence on social media. Peace.
I should have left the tablet at home really in hindsight.
thanks for sharing this post its all about the experiences in the end isn't it
Yes, sharing experiences with your children.
My kids are grown and on their own and yet I still worry about them. That just a parent that loves their kids no matter how old they are.
I am of the opinion that as sad as it is in the day we are living unfortunately we have to be excessively careful. If you have someone in your family that works in the police force they can tell many horror stories. Yet we cannot let the evil people drive us behind doors and our children never see the parks, zoo and the outdoors. We need to demand that there are enough being done to keep our children safe instead of some of the crazy programs that are funded for some odd reason.
Your name says the last I would say. Let us never lose hope for a better time for our children and never forget to give them hugs.
I know I signed up to a lifetime of worry. best I can do is prepare them for their lifetimes of worry too
@hopehuggs I understand you and the stranger! In today's days, I witness so many mothers, and fathers as well, with their head down while the children roam free... no harm on that I reckon, but everything that is too much might hurt. In your case, was a few click action and you know your kids, they would scream out loud if anything happened :) mines are like that as well.
We need to give a certain freedom to our children and I think that the stranger was like me, witnessed so many parents just plain ignoring their children to get that 'me time' that he needed to comment on your action.
I'm all too aware it only takes a moment for something bad to happen, probably why it touched a raw nerve.
As you say, it is just not practical to be hyper attentive with kids 24/7. You are a human being and life demands you to provide for kids as well which may require you to take your eyes off the children and on to other work (such as burying your head in your tablet). I can understand that the stranger was concerned and it could be triggered by his own life experience (may be he himself or someone he knew had lost their child in similar circumstance). I don't think you would forgive yourself if it did happen as we naturally blame ourselves for most things when it comes to kids but that fear should not cripple us from living our normal lives!
Yes, that is a good way of putting it.
@hopehuggs - very interesting post & topic. I think it is very common for people to just get sucked into their phones and tablets; not being aware of what is going on around them. (Ok I admit this has happened to me too!) This could leave children unattended, where they could fall victim to a criminal scheme or an accident. We should just put down those electronic devices & just live life, with our loved ones... who can bring us true happiness. Upvoted & Resteemed!
Yes, in the grand scheme of things our loved ones are most important, and regrets will be time not spent with them.
No parent is perfect or pays 100% attention to what kids are up to. I understand what the judgmental man was saying, and some people are genuinely concerned, but there are kinder ways to communicate that, too. Well thought out article.
He opened up this discussion. Not all bad. But, yes he could have done it in a kinder way, I paid attention to him, didn't I.
Yes, you did, and that's not all bad.
What's more important than taking good care of ones child/children, they're are jewels, they are priceless. The stranger is God sent, he has said it all. Thank God nothing happened to them.. I'm glad the stranger hit the right nerve!!!
well said.