Duke of Hazards Critter Control [ewrestling]

Warning: Footage is graphic, and contains a rat and a hillbilly determined to eliminate it. Don't worry, all rats go to Cheese Heaven.

To add to your enjoyment if you so choose to read this post, I decided to share this video for your enhanced immersion experience.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a fictional roleplay titled Wrestling in the Mud, which represented my audition to join an ewrestling steem community known as Ultimate Wrestling. So far, it's been an awesome experience filled with nostalgia, steem, talent, and awesome new friendships made as more and more people are joining in on the action. Since then, they have recently posted a new event featuring my wrestler character, Huckleberry, in a special Man vs. Animal one-of-a-kind match. I promise it is unlike anything you have ever seen before.

Check it out! Upvote our most recent event on steemit: Friday Night Clash 6!

Scroll down to the bottom footer of this post, and I'll point you in the right direction to remind you how to join Ultimate Wrestling, and how to get started with ewrestling.

Now onto the fun...

Here is my 2nd submission for Ultimate Online Wrestling, here on Steemit.

Everything below is my own original creative writing.

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In a concrete and steel hallway, an attractive reporter in a pink skirt and jacket is holding a microphone to address the camera. She is still working on her make-up when the feed suddenly goes live.

Rose: Hello! My name is Rose Johnston, and we're reporting on behalf of Ultimate Wrestling. Even though this is not a live television event, I am here at the KFC Yum! Center in Louisville, Kentucky for one of UOW's affiliate organizations owned by Rupert Mudcock. That's right the Underground Southern Wrestling is gaining steem lately, and to increase the popularity we've been giving away tickets to thousands of lucky fans to fill up this huge arena with over 22,000 seats.

Turning around, Rose walks down the hallway passing a few of the female wrestlers on the way. One is wearing daisy dukes and a flannel top tied tightly to show her slim midriff, and the other is wearing a purple lycra outfit with high-heeled wrestling boots. They enter the ladies' locker room door beside a matching door Rose is signaling the camera to zoom in on.

Rose: That was the tag team duo Pansy Perkins and Josie Jacks we just passed by. Behind me here is the men's locker room, where I'm told we might find UOW newcomer, Huckleberry, available for an interview. As you might recall at the last Friday Night Clash, President Rupert Mudcock invited Huckleberry to participate in a special Man vs. Animal match, in which Huckleberry had to wrestle a record sized 15 foot, 1000 pound alligator in a steel cage. Not only did he defeat the alligator with his bare hands, but he won the admiration of fans and fellow wrestlers alike. Let's go inside and see if we can have a word with him now.

Rose presses the men's locker room door open, and sees some gear out on the benches. Around the lockers, she leads the camera to the back area where a pale skinny white man with a bare chest is on his knees bent over scrounging through a tool chest. The camera lewdly zooms in on his slipping plumber's crack.

Huckleberry: Dangnabbit, were in tarnation did that blasted thing run off to?

Rose: Huckleberry, would you mind if I interviewed you for a few moments?

Huckleberry: Well of course you can Honeypie. I was just looking for that thing-a-mabob. Ahh! Eureka! I found it! Hold on one moment, I'll be done faster than a coon kin shake his tail.

Huckleberry lifts up a massive drill bit and smacks a kiss on it, then winks at the camera as he rigs it up into his drill. After hoisting up his slipping trousers, he points the drill at a tile on the wall and pulls the trigger. The clay tile chips and breaks under the force of the spinning drill bit swiftly chewing it up. A few moments later, pieces of drywall, plastic, and even metal begin flicking out all around the wide hole.

Huckleberry: Almost there... almost there...

Rose: What on earth are you doing? Does the arena know that you are damaging their equipment?

Huckleberry: Naa, it ain't like that. Ya see, I needed some extra cash this week, to pay for my medical bills and all, so I asked Rubert if he had any side work I could do. As a matter of fact he did! Ya see, they gotta a real bad critter problem here in the KFC Yum! Center. Turns out that finger lickin' good chicken the Colonel's been cookin' ain't just sweet for the fans, but it also draws rats like moths to a flame. My job is to er-er-er--

Huckleberry slaps himself with is free hand.

Huckleberry: --Eradicate the rats! Rupert says he'll pay me $10... per tail! Yeeewieee! Mighty sweet!

Rose: And you think the rats are in the wall?

Huckleberry: Not the wall. The pipes. Rats can swim ya know.

Rose: I hope you're right. So Huckleberry, I'd like to ask you a question about your last match. In that match, you took a frightening injury from the alligator. Would you mind sharing a bit about what that was like, and how your recovery is going?

Huckleberry: Ahh that? It's nothin' really. Ma used to wrassle gators all the time, and I have some friends in Florida and Louisiana, and we used to hunt gators all the time. This gator was a big one alright. So big in fact, I sent the carcass across the border, and they paid me 500 pesos for him, gave me six pack of Coronas for it, and fixed me up with one of 'em Mexicano witch doctors to stitch up my ass. The Witchy Man did a right-fine job. We was both so liquored up, I thought he was going to sew my ass shut, but some how he kept my vertical smile untouched. Ain't she purdy?

Huckleberry rotates his bum around, and slides one side of his pants down to show the stitches from his recent injury from the gator bite. His right cheek is red and swollen, and the interior area is green and scaly.

Huckleberry: Gen-u-ine Alligator Leather! Yessiree. That stuff will last me a lifetime, and is sure as hell gonna be a helluva conversation starter when I'm in the sack with a pretty gal.

Huckleberry elbows Rose, and gives his sly wink.

The drill bit suddenly catches in the wall.

Huckleberry: Ooowwiee, baby. I think we gotta live one here! I'm gonna juice it up...

As he revs up the drill, it starts to smoke a bit. He keeps pressing through, and it catches fire!

CLINK!

A jet of water gushes out and knocks Huckleberry on his freshly injured ass. He cries out in pain and starts spinning round in circles as the water whirlpools around him into a quickly rising flood.

Rose: Can somebody please get some help back here. We need a plumber or a facilities manager back here! We're going to cut to quick commercial break--

As the brief intermission ends, Huckleberry is bent over once again, this time with his face pressed against the wall, looking through the hole that was freshly drilled.

Huckleberry: Mmm-hhmm. Hmmm-mmm. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Rose: Welcome back, I'm Rose Johnston. If you're just now joining us, I'm conducting an interview with Huckleberry the Gater Slayer, as some are calling him here in the southern circuit. Before the break, I learned that Huckleberry has been hired by Rupert Mudcock to handle a rat infestation here at the arena. While drilling through the wall, apparently searching for rats in the pipes, I also learned that Huckleberry had his recent injury from the gator bite recently remedied by a Mexican Witch Doctor, who stitched a skin graft onto the wounded area using the leather hide of the same alligator he defeated in his match. Only moments after learning this information, a water main broke in the wall nearly flooding this room. We managed to shut off the water during the break so that Huckleberry can continue his job looking for rats to trap. Huckleberry... can you tell me how the search is going?

Huckleberry: Huh? Oh... it's going... all little to the left... oh yeah... that's right... right there... ain't she a purdy one? She's a furry one, all right. I like 'em furry. A real southern bell.

Suddenly, the shower tiles start popping off the wall, and a huge entity bursts through the wall like the Kool-Aid man.

Source

With an enormous paw it swats Rose clear across the room, and knocks her out cold. It steps over the rubble to reveal itself with a blood curdling metallic growl. It is a 10 foot tall grizzly bear with razor sharp metals jaws and laser eyes targeting in on the hillbilly wrestler. Strangely, it is also wearing a straw hat.

Huckleberry: Well my golly, if it isn't the Country Bear Jamboree, comin' to kill me.

Source

The big, bad country bear starts singing a disturbing tune.

There was blood on the saddle and blood all around
And a great big puddle of blood on the ground
A cowboy lay in it all covered with gore
And he never will ride any broncos no more
Oh, pity the cowboy, all bloody and red
For the bronco fell on him and bashed in his head
There was blood on the saddle and blood all around
And a great big puddle of blood on the ground

The bear standing up on its hind legs drops down onto its front paws, pinning Huck to the floor. It's drool burns sizzling acid holes into the tiled floor. Huckleberry struggles to slip free of its hulking weight, but he is completely outmatched.

Huckleberry: I ain't goin' out like this, not on my watch. Hey Yogi, look over there! It's Cheer Bear.

Bear: Huh?

As the bear turns to look, Huckleberry smashes it on the head with a glass Corona beer bottle. The foam of the beer crackles and pops as it interacts with the laser eyes of the animatronic beast. It starts screeching and shaking uncontrollably, and rolls over onto its back. With one last death shriek, it farts out a puff of black smoke, and then ceases all movements.

Huckleberry stands up and dusts himself off. He has some deep scratches on his chest, but nonetheless he smiles a toothless grin at the camera.

Huckleberry: And dat right there is one dead mud rat.

Huck digs up a hacksaw, and shreds through the bear's tail, and holds up the trophy.

Huckleberry: Can't spell Huckleberry without B-E-R, Bear, now, can you?

Off to the side the reporter, Rose Johnston, regains her senses.

Rose: Folks, I'm not sure, but I think this may have been some kind of deadly agent sent from the Order of the Blob. Were they trying to get rid of Huckleberry? One can only speculate. That thing almost killed me, though I'm sure I was more of an incidental bystander from this devastating attack. If Huckleberry hadn't thought of using the liquid of the beer to short-circuit the bear in the same way the beer was used to disrupt Jeremiah Vastrix's cybernetic eye during the main event at Friday Night Clash, then it might have mauled him, myself, and the entire roster and staff here. I'm sorry folk, I need to get some medical attention now. I'll now return you to the action at ringside.

In the background, Huckleberry can be seen lifting the broken Corona bottle up in the air above his mouth, trying to drink the last few drops from the bottle. As the interview ends, the scene returns to ringside where the ring announcer is introducing the contestants for the next match at ringside.

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If you read this post in its entirety, and think this kind of writing looks like something fun you might be good at doing, consider joining UOW. Seeking talented ewrestling roleplayers to compete with the members of our roster for upcoming events. Together, we can reap the rewards by sharing our posts here on the steemit platform, and earn some measure of fame.

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