A common family tradition: AKA "racism people are okay with"
I must say preface this post with the fact that I absolutely never post about racism, politics, or anything heavy for that matter. I have found that discussing things of great importance and magnitude to me are better done in a one on one environment where two people can have a civilized discussion. This is going to be a rare exception to that rule. This topic has been bothering me lately, and between T.V./real life situations/friends it seems to keep making an appearance in my day to day life. We live in a day and age where people get called racist for absolutely no reason, but on the other hand those same people will fail to point out actual racism when they see it. This is my attempt to do so.
(picture is my oldest son and I)
The topic I am referring to is parents only "allowing" children to marry their own race/ethnicity.
< RANT >
Backstory... I come from a few generations of interracial marriages.
Grandma (full blooded native american) + Grandpa (Caucasian)
Dad (Half native american) + Mom (Caucasian)
Even though my personal family was obviously okay with the marriages, I remember constantly hearing my mom referred to as a "white girl", and being teased for it by some of my native family members. Living on the reservation, man of my dads side of the family married other natives on the reservation. This wasn't inherently racist as I never heard anyone in my family say that they couldn't marry someone of another race, but it always seemed odd to me.
The problem I see is how entire people groups, or cultures will have a very outspoken mandate that their child is only able to marry someone of their own race. This to me has to be one of the most racist things I can even think of. In essence they are saying they don't want their family blood tainted with another race. It blows my mind. My wife has a friend (who's race/culture I wont mention because it doesn't really matter) who is currently has 1 year to find a "suitable" spouse or they will be picking one for her. Keep in mind, this girl had a boyfriend whom she loved for years but because her parents forbid it, she had to keep it hidden. I cannot imagine living a life in such fear of disappointing your parents that you would abide by rules that are quite literally immoral, and racist by nature.
Why is this a thing? Can anyone who is PRO "only marry your own race" tell me why?
Whenever I hear an example of this it makes my blood boil. Anyone else feel this way?
If you currently hold this belief, I would urge you to rethink it. Why do you think that way? Is that what you were taught? Will you admit your own racism here? I am genuinely curious.
< / RANT >
I think is just an old way of thinking to preserve lineage or power to a family by just marrying people under the same socio-economic status (similar economic level, same race, same culture) and that's mainly because of fear of loss of power and/or fear of change. Luckily with new generations this old way of thinking is thrown out of the board
Luckily, yes.... mostly. I still seem to be encountering it FAR too often for it to be totally gone.
Agree, there is still a long way to go until there's no racism in this world. But, I do think people are more open minded now than my father's generation... so at least is some improvement.
I mean a girlfriend of mine growing up wasn't allowed to date, or even spend time with me after they found out I was white lol. I'm glad it didn't work out (she was not the best person) but still it was never addressed for what it was.
same happened with me and my wife, her parents are chinese and wanted her to date with someone chinese... at the end they were ok with me haha.
I know a case like this, where the rationale was more or less along the lines of "How is someone of a different race / culture going to be able to communicate with the rest of the family?" Because in those cases they may not even speak English for example. This a very straight-forward example of not matching languages causing friction. Now just imagine every other aspect of life that could cause friction, and that's something they use.
Me? More of the opinion that yourself is more important than appeasing relatives / parents. And if they love you, they'll make it work.
Language barrier is definitely not something I thought of at all. In the number of examples I am thinking of, it wasn't a factor, but that is a good point, and could play a factor. My thought process though would be... "they need to learn our language" if that is the case. I'm glad you brought up that point!
Because culturally you probably view this as a form of self improvement and it's okay to suggest advice where one can improve themselves, right? Whereas for some other cultures it could be viewed as an insult to try and voice such an opinion, and rather than insult someone, they would prefer to avoid the discomfort all together.
Nice, I like it. Here, and also in the real world, we are friends, Whether white, black, we remain friendly, only skin color and shelter are different, there are also in Asia, Europe, America and Africa. it's not a problem, but a challenge for us to make friends. Thanks for sharing. @saywha
Thanks man! We all bleed red!
Same thing happens with people of different religions not being able to marry. It comes down to small closed minded people who put their social standing and personal feelings above those of their children.
The worse thing that can happen is that your wife's friend abide by her parents wishes. Someone has got to step up and break the cycle or it just repeats and repeats.
Yeah, honestly parents shouldn't choose anything when it comes to spouses as long as they work well together, and aren't criminals lol.
I will say, however, that I firmly believe that two people of different religions probably shouldn't be together (if they are both firm in their faith). I think two people who have different core fundamental beliefs are doomed for failure. I think the deepest parts of two people should match, the surface stuff (hobbies, interests, etc)... are the things that don't actually matter. People seem to try and match interests with others rather than their core fundamentals. That to me is backwards. What do you think?
I guess it comes down to the fact if the core beliefs of the parents are indeed those of the children's. Just because one grows up in a house that follows a certain religion doesn't mean that the child from that home does in fact follow that religion.
I do agree that hobbies and those types of things do not matter much as those things change over time and if that is why you built the relationship it is failed to be doomed as the few things you had in common will change.
I am like night to my wife's day. We don't even like the same tv shows but lord have mercy on someone if they try to come between us and cause us to question each other over our life choices. I think the really important questions in life matter more than religion, race or politics. Those three things are meant to drive a wedge between freethinkers and the herd. I've never really made a habit of caring what the herd thinks.
How about you, do you care what the herd thinks?
How about you, do you care what the herd thinks?
Never once lol.
And yes. I agree just because a parents believe something doesn't mean the child automatically will be as well.
I am even more perturbed because this issue has long gone beyond race.
Even parents now criticised their children for inter-tribal marriages. Parents all over are usually never in support of inter-ethnic marriages for some obnoxious and archaic reasons.....And when they eventually give their consent for the union, they continually tease and treat the new member as an outsider.
I live in Israel, it already answers some answers to some questions
I think we're all equal
I wrote a post about exactly that thing that bothered me too:
https://steemit.com/life/@nirgf/israel-war-on-land