The early birders

Taking the camera with me was more like a "backup maintenance solution". After attending a lot of these "rendez vous"'s and gatherings, I realized that having a spare time in your hand during baptisms is a must.

Life does seem a cicle even if you're here only for a single loop, doesn't it?

I mean you can find out the age of any modern, social human being if you know the average reason of the parties he is invited to.

18 years old birthday parties which end up with people touching nirvana in epic near alcoholic-comas...that's easy. During those years you just marvel at how much your own liver can take and wonder what new drug the next party will bring.

Even marriage parties can become interesting with the right amount of alcohol, substances and civil status. This party reason can span for some good years, depending on how broad the circle of friends is. You can even end up being 40 and try to pick up single women at your best friend's younger brother's wedding right? Who's with me?!

Baptisms though, are a different kind of species. It's a very rare treat to attend one that is not the usual Sunday afternoon gathering with everything forced, from the smiles to the courtesy of saying "Oh, I'm having a wonderful time, thank you!". When in fact you thank God for bringing that extra battery for your phone. You usually try to drink the problem up while in this situation...

I know I do and for the first part of the journey, when the vodka hits my bloodstream, things seem to go in the right direction. It's sometimes between 5 and 6 o'clock that I realize it's fucking Sunday afternoon, I'm not that kind of a drunkard and on top of that, tomorrow's MONDAY! ... and I don't want to start the week breathing bottles of cheap vodka into the air while two hippos are playing tennis in my skull.

So I've always got something like 2 hours of goey impressions, while I drink 2-3 orange-vodkas and I shoot whatever I think it's an interesting frame to express that atmosphere.

Usually the first course they bring is also the only one I eat. I go on hungry and manage to fill myself with that cheap orange juice they put inside together with the vodka. I get fed up with peanuts by the time they bring the first serve of the afternoon but this time crackers were not available on the table and the only thing crowding it were us, the people on the table. We were literally stomping on each other's feet. Why in the world did I decide to take my good shoes?

The hall we are in has no windows. I hate places that have no windows. They always make me feel trapped. So that's why (together with the smoking) I'm roaming outside of the actual place the baptism is taking place in. More than half of the time I'll spend outside, together with my moron friend, laughing our asses off while the alcohol makes its way inside us. And that's a pity...

Because "the best things" are inside...

• the way to loud, semi-ethnic music...
• the totally out of tune lady singer who can't even hit one note on a simple piece like "I got a girl" by Lou Bega (poor choice of a tune anyway...)
• the forced dance of the few, the ones close enough to the happy couple, that have a duty to perform and make the whole charade look more plausible...
• the frickin' trout that should've passed for "the Fish dish", getting your hands smelling like bad pussy and inevitably sticking a fish bone inside your throat...
• the "bringing of the cake right in the middle of the damn party 'cause the photographers are leaving early"... good think I sticked around, right?

And then there's the time when the last glass of vodka orange you were able to sip, wears off. That's around 19 hundred hours and that's when you realize it's time to hit the fan. There's no alcohol demand anymore, the false well being of the guests starts to peel off their faces and you decide you're going to be the early birds this evening.

You "pay your respects" to the baby, if he/she's still around, you assure the only member of the couple you'll meet on your way out that everything was just dandy and you had the time of your life, and you leave... happy that you're out, closer to your comfort zone.

Repeat. Be happy.

Funerals haven't started yet...