Straight Outta CPU Rap Contest Winners

The EOSIO Dapps Telegram CPU rap contest has ended!

We received some great submissions this time, as crypto rappers held nothing back, venting their frustrations at the network and its masters.

Fortunately, no matter how bad our blockchain gets, we can always rap about it in the #1 EOS Telegram where we harbor the real users of the network -- the gamblers, miners, traders, chatroom hustlers, and devs that dare to use the world's most corrupt, centralized and expensive blockchain!

Respect to all playaz of the game!

Some notes before we reveal the winners

These things are difficult, if not impossible, to judge. All the rap entries are good in their own way, but there's simply not enough prizes to go around. So if you didn't win this time, you probably won last time. And if you didn't win either time, rumor has it the next rap contest will start very soon!

Props to the sponsors

Finally, we'd like to thank the sponsors that make these events possible. These projects have chosen to support the rich EOS culture that stems from our chatroom.

Support projects that support our community.

• EarnBet - 400 BET
• Gamblr - 400 GAMBLR + 25 GTICKET
• SOV - 10K SOV
• Krown - 100K KROWN
• Vigor - 1000 VIG

Also, thanks to individual contributors: Vision, maxigram and LaNgwenya for donating tokens for use as prizes and tips.

Rap Battle Winners:

#1 DJ Lethal Skillz and MC Vandigital
#2 Tom Delonge
#3 LaNgwenya

Notable Mention:

Shoutout to Modern Liberty for submitting a last-minute audio entry using his own beat!

Prizes

If you've placed in the top 3, please contact da lexx in our chatroom to claim your share of the prizes.

Also, congrats to LaNgwenya for becoming a new channel admin!

Final Notes

Thanks to all the participants for representin' when most of the community have long since jumped ship. EOSIO Dapps Telegram is working hard to preserve EOS culture under the most challenging circumstances. So please help us by inviting new members and keeping the chat active.

As stated earlier, we're already planning the next contest. A new and exciting project has pledged to become our Grand Sponsor for this upcoming event. So start working on some fresh raps and keep coming back for the latest updates!

Check out all the raps we received for the contest below.

Vision

Yo Look out bros
here's a song for you.
CPU looks fucked
but that ain't all true.

Ponzi mining did exactly
the same, ask dice.
But we persevered,
after paying the price.

Chris Henery

Everyone is denied of service,
By a token without any purpose,
We gota right to b feel'n nervous,
When we cant stake
We can't trade we can't make,
A single transaction for fuck sake,
So Dan pull your head out your arse,
Because EOS is becoming a farce,
I don't give a fuck if your offended,
Eos simply don't work as intended

M L

I dreamed of being rich
Of living like a prince
Of buying, and holding
And profiting from REX

But then we hit the threshold
And the network took a shit
“This one percent return,
Is all that you can get”

Then the price was moving
And seemed like it was mooning
But when the buying died
I knew that I was REKT

ackza

They less you tell ackza the bettah, cuz you got people signing NDA lettahs, billion dolar deals from uncle sam investinin telos with tether.... and dont forget salie may, heath care, real estat, DNA, on mah chain, and we cant even say, or day trade cuz that illegal today, cant insider trade! So watch what ya say, so dont tell ackza anythang.... so he can go talk and blog about the halliburton style stock, when telos goes up like a hawk, where we gettin no bid contract deals, anunaki itelos steals, trading crypto so fast it sweeps em off they heels

Well make EOS drop like Enron, all them bitches have been invested in the wrong thing all along, cuz we the T E L O S, yeah the best, we dont stress like eos, we got the T rex, we just flexxxin on another dimesssnion, dont need no insta mentions just dan larimers voice attention

Tom Delonge

Whaddup ED fam? Ya boy TD here.
I got somethin’ to share,
so listen up, lend yo’ ear,
but first, just so we’re clear —
that’s “ED”, like EOS Dapps, so stop jokin’,
I ain’t callin’ yo’ dicks broken,
my only prollem is wif yo’ token,
respek-fully, can’t help but wonder, what da fuck ya’ll been smokin’?

You had me at no fees, ‘n
honestly had me believ’in
yo’ mothafkn eos dream ‘n
dis perfect coin you slingin’.
Happy chain, happy life, I was told,
Not this cpu strife I been sold,
Nah this ain’t the dream you sellin’,
not dis cpu hell I’m in,
just decayin’, left to rot ‘n
contemplate yo’ lies I bought.

Bottom-line is I’m fucked,
My shit is seriously stuck,
Can’t transact, can’t reclaim,
Just looking for some mofo to blame...
If there’s one thing I’ve learned here, when in doubt, blame Rob Finch,
Honestly I’d bet a million he’s packin’ less than an inch,
Small dick and beady eyes, fuck that, can’t be trusted,
Suffice to say dis fool is sexually misadjusted,
Fuck, if I were him I’d stick my head in the oven,
on account of his face look like Mrs. Finch fucked McLovin.

Back to this cpu nightmare, I need answers ‘n fast,
Can’t you see I’m tryin’ to put this EOS shit in the past?
Never thought I’d see the day that I rather hodl bitcoin cash.
Won’t somebody help me, please?
I’m on my mothafkn knees,
actin’ a fool, you got me beggin’,
Like some crypto dice chatroom degen.
I’m losin’ my shit, real talk, I think I’m going fkn crazy,
Slide into dms of some gangster, Da Lexx, like “Plsss, baby...”
All pathetic and shit, like “please won’t you save me...
“...only thing I’m gonna need is you to login and stake me.”

Sara

It's my wallet I will cry if I want to!!😭 Btch if I want to!!.🤬..
You would btch too🤬..
if🖕 CPU 🖕did this to you.!...

Juan Hdez

I feel a little doomed
trapped in this chain
and you have, and you have

20 fucking hours
or I'll have to say goodbye.

Before all this, hey.
I knew another grey
the feet of Venezuela
walking in this hell
I stayed in my country,
juggling that chip.
I'll make this song ugly
if you don't answer me

this is the situation,
she's infecting the whole fucking nation,
a massive CPU crisis,
dangerous than a massive laziness,
we saw in the token eos,
a future like Neo's;
but at this moment,
it looks like a c3po,

Star Wars star-ted,
put in front of dan, your laser,
cause you have, cause you have,

you've got 20 fucking hours,
or have to say good bye

if you don't solve it,
I'll have to call you damn.

I feel a little doomed
trapped in this chain
and you have, and you have
20 fucking hours
or I'll have to say goodbye.

Mark (Zeus69) South Africa

...Hey Dan you fucking EOS troll,
think you know everything and how to roll,
well fuckoff you EOS slut, bitch, hoar,
the EOS community will laugh and roar,

EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact
EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact

I bought EOS low, but you fucked up and now won’t grow,
Voice, what the fuck is that, not our fucking choice, a no show,
reveal your private keys not your private parts, for me to steal,
EOS tokens are now slack, CPU problems we won’t be back

EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact
EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact

my gamble to DISS you with RAP crap, and take a stance,
these CPU issues, EOS wont advance, after this I will scramble,
all tongue and cheek, remain Dan the Man, from the EOS clan,
EOS community is behind you, to remain your fan, ;)

EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact
EOS blockchain sucks CPU fucked its fact nobody can transact

DJ Lethal Skillz + MC Vandigital

Link to Audio Recording

Verse 1 (Aiden Pearce)

I’m always looking for that loophole / stay ahead of the game cause y’all thinking too slow / See I came to expose your mistake / and now you got beef? yeah right - proof of stake / mad and jealous cause I’m the one who did it first / And Dan’s dad is thinking we got switched at birth / I’m so sorry for the pain I induced / and making use of all your CPU’s / So much juice they calling for a truce / I guess I’m just a chip off the block I produced / Adios mi amigos I’m off to mine eidos fucking up EOS that is my ethos / Without me you prolly would have never known / and left the backdoor open to ya family home / better now than later in a couple years / all thanks to your truly, Aiden Pearce

Verse 2 (Dan Larimer)

Hey Aiden this Dan you think you got the job done / let me teach you why to never fuck with Block One / I got Brock son and Brendan Bloomer / With so much Capital you’ll wish you died sooner / You opportunist you prolly didn’t mean it / don’t make me call my army up from bitshares and steemit / Keep dreaming while I murder these raps / I got more than just developers giving me dapps / now here’s something you surely don’t know / I got another 16 for 2.0 / so let it flow no more congestion / I gotta thank you though for your suggestion /

PlatinumWrist505

Eosio is great but still without a @voice/ the world simply have to wait my heart bleeding with 6.5 mill unstaked/ Eosio.token got me half-baked/ Eos got us feeling lk a nut basket case/ loading this damn ledger S only to say out space/ bearish Freaking bull run wanna take a rocket out space/ maybe we can trade that way/cmom let's be honest waiting on Eos is like waiting on the return of Hailey's comet's/ Block.one I'm Telling Yo Mama Eth/Etc don't want No more EOS Drama

LaNgwenya

EOS growing up, a fckin screw up
This CPU, got us fcked up
B1 one-upped, on all of us
It's time I operated with a fckin chainsaw
dApps switching chains, like playing see-saw
Switching sides... quicker than a cheap whore
Paid for this EOS, so I'm gonna score
Pulled out my whip they screamed "hee-haw"
Fck BPs, F*ck B1
Let's be one, or we gon' be none
I'll come last, that's how this race is won
[Break]
🎶
This is EOSIO Dapps we don't play by the rules. Delivering raps that are kinda cruel, while making it all seem kinda cool.🎶

Looking at the laughs Ethereum is trynna pull
3 more days until Istanbul
Soon as it launches it's instant bull!
Man that community be the worst of fools
Eating that sh*t up til' their ass is full.
Anyways, back to the EOS crew
Foolish BPs let me holla at you
Can't you tell these haters are laughing at you
Blind to the vision of the pic Dan drew
Way back when you were slinging a few -
shitcoins you claim to have never knew
Yall been wussies that ain't nothing new.
Aiming at your heads single-shots and "pew"
Voted for heroes but we got these zeroes
Damn, I see my holdings losing zeroes
BPs are thorns, in my EOS rose
EOS bags... now worthy of a trash bin
BPs turned bad guys, oh what a sin!
So when we kick you out, it's a spite thing!
Clocks ticking, get to steppin
Not a bad thing, but should be frightening
Like that lightning, when it's striking
Actin like the flashing, of a Breitling
No more flexing, on this blockchain
[Break]
🎶Yall have til new years eve to get your sh!t together.
Come 2020 yall shall be on a new endevour. 🎶

Not worthy of this lever, we on another level
Fighting with the devil, Skills of a Vandal
Like Pearce vs. Dan, catch it on demand
you know I'm the man, Lexx bought the dip
I just took a dip, marf took a trip,
wehrrr did he go, somebody's gotta know
Chris like oh no! I don't really know
Chester got his cool, Tim gained his cool
We takin em to school, and just lit the fuse
Exposing this ruse, stinking like cheese
It's the new rules, had to say my piece,
bout this network freeze, you know that we deliver
And fight for this peace, bring it on a server
EOS be 4-ever, preaching it like a reverend
Keep this sh!t together, never like a severence
EOSIO Dapps be the preference, til we get deliverance
Ride or die, through peace or strife
It's never a lie, EOS 4 Life! 🎤

Modern Liberty

Link to Audio Recording

..Intro.

Blockchain Pain. A Modern Liberty self production.

..Verse 1

Delegated proof of stake. Its started a debate, without fees on chain it’ll surely be great. Transactions wont be late. For the first month, maybe the first few, we started to understand resources and manage CPU. We used to call EOS the internet of new sure to make a wave or two. Straight to floor the market price dropped and flew, a quick breakdown had me looking like a clown in-front of my new friends in town. They were surely right, when the price of EOS crashed overnight.

Dammit. CPU overspent my Transaction, cant as sent. Has me sitting here waiting to pay the due rent. Fuck!, I might go and see Larimer and twist his fucking neck until its bent..

..Corus 1

To me, my brother and other, this was never a game, It hurts to see the CPU continually put to shame

Guess I've picked the wrong chain to avoid every form of pain.

Say what?… I said, I said I've picked the wrong chain to avoid every form of pain.

..Verse 2

The problem with the CPU is enough to make a healthy mans stomach fucking stew. They say it’s a shady knight who only comes at night teaching us all a lesson, about what’s new. Or the main head dude from the TRX crew. Straining Eos chain CPU until it turns blue, well Guess what Dan I’m pretty sure Its’ you raping our CPU. Now, EIDOS fucking pushing it too, Probably the exact same crew working for the Dan of new. This bad man team is named ‘Death of EOS CPU’.

It’s fair to say it hurt us when the REX dropped out of service.

Its ok many say, the eos CPU struggle is just another bubble. We will apparently soon restore the eos chain with very little trouble.

This rap remains non FUD-able and non refundable.

..Corus 2

CPU CPU yeah its costing me to, both me and my girl cant live life it do doubt it. Maybe we on bail on this chain because of the constant mental strain.

I can’t send from my name, Guess I've picked the wrong chain to avoid every form of pain.

Shit!. I can’t send from my name!. Guess I've picked the wrong chain to avoid every form of pain.