This is really deep and I could feel your heart just reading this. The Red dragon always tries to make us wanna do things that put us first and make us thinks we are weak if we succumb to our emotions. I tell you emotions are the best instinct we have...except when they are abused. Find that thing that makes you smile daily and focus on them for now. One more thing..try not to be hypersensitive to things or rather...see them from the positive side.