We judge others because we are too scared to judge ourselves
Most people are pretty quick when it comes to judging others. Sometimes, all they have to do is see them and base their opinion on the color of their skin, gender, and even the clothes they wear. Why is this still happening and why was it ever a normal part of human behavior? Unfortunately, this will be present in the future too because it is rooted deep into our psyche. It is easy to proclaim it as wrong and I am not saying that it is not but only by understanding what causes it can we start working on it.
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CC0 image, Pixabay, author: GhiblyCalimero, adapted by me
This little thinking of mine about this topic was inspired by a lovely question made by @eco-alex that is also the @ecoTrain Question Of The Week contest in collaboration with TribeVibes Community. It just goes to show that people are thinking and pondering about themselves and the world they live in. It is important that we question our thinking and behavior patterns as often as possible because how would we know what to change if we are not aware that change is needed or possible? Let's see where this judgment of others really comes from...
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When we mention the verb "to judge", two things immediately come to mind. One is about judges in courts and the other is about people who have prejudice or just make quick conclusions without giving the subject enough thought. They object and do not approve of a certain action and proclaim it wrong. The problem is, they proclaim the person doing the action wrong too because they equalize that action with the person doing it. Nothing wrong with that, our actions are the best indicator of our character but this can only be done properly if we take every action into account, not just the one. We usually focus only on a specific thing.
You have a brain for a reason,
USE IT.
You will be much successful, not to mention safer, if you think before you act. Before responding to outside stimulus, stop for a moment and take as much as you possibly can into consideration. This is important to responding to people especially. It goes a long way if you are able to adjust your reaction to others, especially in the business world. You do need to be careful about who you let into your personal space, work with and spend your time with. Judgment can be especially helpful but only if it is done properly, rationally and with an open mind. We often find ourselves in dangerous situations because we did not judge properly when we should have. Just remember that when you are dissecting a certain situation or a character of a person, it is crucial that you leave your prejudice far behind because they could distract you from making the right decision.
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I have already writen a post about stereotypes that you can read here: The neurobiology of stereotypes where I have backed my claims with some serious scientific research on our neurons and what happens in our brains that cause us to have stereotypes. Give that article a read, not to blow my own horn but it is quite interesting.
Treat every person like an individual
that he or she is.
Every person is unique. You are, I am, and all the other pronouns. If a person you come in contact has some similar or even the same traits like those you have met before that does not mean that all her traits are the same. We sometimes have mini PTSD when we get hurt by someone and are quick to judge anyone that resembles the person who has wronged us. Cut people some slack and learn about them. Just because your Ex loved cats does not mean all people who love cats are cheaters. Not all Muslims are terrorist because the minority of them are, not all black people are criminals because a minority of them are in gangs, and not all white people are racists, have a narcissistic personality, and are bullies with morals of a scam artist even though some of them are presidents of large countries.
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There is a line that all of us should never cross when justifying someone's bad behavior. It is a line that has to do with the specific nature of that behavior. You all know by now that I am a big opponent to war, aggression, and violence but I do have respect for self-defense and see absolutely nothing wrong in anyone defending themselves. That being said, I will never judge a person or think bad of them if they killed someone in self-defense when they were in danger of being killed or raped. Speaking of rape or murder that are not in self-defense, I have no justification for that, none what so ever. Call me a hippy if you want but I think war is the stupidest and the most harmful thing humanity is dealing with.
Your opinion is
not the general truth.
It is easy to judge others, too easy. We are comfortable with who we are and our views of life so when something differs from them, the judgment part comes naturally. This is because of evolutionary biology and all those reasons that helped us to survive in the past. We needed to keep what is "like us" safe. Today we live in modern times and should be able to approach every situation with a rational thinking. We do not know why a certain person did what she did because we are not in her shoes. I am not saying that forgiving is easy but it is healthy, being kind and open-minded enough to not get hurt by the fact that someone is different is even more healthier. Just try to think of it this way: "Why is something bothering you?" There is a theory that people who never judge themselves are the quickest to judge others. Is that the case with you? Are you neglecting your little talk with the reflection in the mirror and projecting that resentment to others?
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When you see a person doing something you would never do, try not to be so quick to judge her. You have no idea what is behind that act or if the act is true or not, maybe you are the one who is wrong. I know that is sometimes hard to accept. If you are not ready for that yet, keep thinking that you are right but be easy and kind to others when you think they are wrong. That is a good start. Let love guide you and spread it around as much as you can. Search for the reasons why people act or think the way they do. Who knows what you may learn about them.
Until next time,
KEEP YOUR SMILE ON!
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- title pictures are made by me using the CC0 images from pixabay that can be found here
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Great and well written post @zen-art. I can tell you put some thought and work in this.
I think it is part of our DNA to judge people. I know I have consciously tried to work on it and not be quick in judging others.
It's tough though sometimes when you get behind someone in the grocery line with tattoos up and down their bodies and nose rings and cussing at the cashier while slapping their kid ;)
It can be hard but I have learned that even in those situations, I need more info than what I just came across to from my opinion :) Thank you for your feedback 💚
So very interesting, as I judged seven people at lunch on Tuesday and I happen to think I got it right on how I judged them.
Even the lady who ran the restaurant threw her two cents in agreement with me so we both couldn't be wrong.
I don't have a problem judging myself or others and in answer to your question I am not quick to judge others. When I do though I am right most of the time, just like on Tuesday.
I am glad to hear that, judging is important but only if we do it in the right way ;)
I make judgments about people and situations every day. I'd like to think I would think carefully and long about acting on said judgments.
Maybe the most valuable skill I've learned as an adult is the ability to step back and not react immediately. I was just amazed when I found out that I could just say "wait. I don't have an answer yet."
Why is that so valuable? Because I also learned that x% of my judgments were wrong and instant reaction could cause hard feelings that were completely unnecessary.
Thanks Petra. It's a marvelous post that speaks volumes.
That is a really good skill to have, it means you have self-control too and not many people do. I am glad to hear that and enjoy reading your responses and little shares about yourself 💚
Well said! This made me think about this really great book I read last year called Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Talking about judgement he says "Moralistic judgements alienate us from our natural state of compassion... In the world of judgements our concern centers on Who is What... Such analysis of other human beings are just tragic expressions of our own values and unmet needs".
Sounds like a really interesting book, I will have to give it a read. Thank you for mentioning it 💚
I think it's an interesting one but I've read a couple of books about a similar topic - "Pre-suasion" by Robert Cialdini being a good one. The book is about factors that influence decision making and think there is a lot of cross-over, well worth a read but will try and summarise what I remember from the book in relation to your post.
Humans are basically hard wired to look for patterns in things and when we see or experience personality traits then we can group them in to a certain set of stereotypes. The reason we look for patterns is because it requires a lot less energy for the brain to process and, effectively, the brain takes short cuts to process things.
This is why people are quick to judge because it is usually based on a pattern they have either experienced, seen or been told about (e.g. parents/society telling you "x is bad, don't listen to them").
I agree that there is an element of projecting your own thoughts and feelings out there to the world but that can also be because you've had a "moment" before that incident has happened causing you to judge (e.g. argument with your partner putting you in a bad mood for the day therefore everyone is a @@!"£%).
And I would like to add to your definition of character as well, which I read from another book called "Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting by Robert McKee and it goes something like this - "A persons true character is a set of personality traits that are only revealed when they face extreme pressure".
Food for thought anyway!
Thank you for that wonderful addition to this topic, it really is worth thinking about. 💚
I was frequently misunderstood as a child (well, heck, even as an adult, too) with people always jumping to the wrong conclusions about me. So, I am very careful about judging others too quickly. Wondeful post! 💛
It is easier to understand why judging is wrong if you have been judged yourself and know how it feels and how stupid it is. I do hope that people will start understanding it even without previous experience. Thank you for sharing darling 💚
A great song about the topic would be from the artist K.A.A.N - White Lines
I also reccommend pretty much all of his music :)
Thank you, I will give it a listen.
Great post as always @zen-art
Very thought provoking. I guess we all judge things we don't understand and that is part of the problem.
Your post also reminded me of something a friend said to me last week. He is a British teacher that has moved his family from Sweden to Bucharest for the start of the school year. He said to me that his two children aged 11 and 8, were relieved that the new school had a strict uniform code. When he asked why they said that they were fed up with the constant pressure to be wearing the right thing at the right time. If you weren't wearing the right trainers you were pushed out of the group and ostracised.
11 and 8. Wow!
Thanks for posting.
Gaz
It is happening all over the world, unfortunately, in my country too. Kids are only mimicking the behavior of their parents.
Absolutely agree. I just found it interesting that a 11 year old and an 8 year old were mature enough to be aware of this happening to them.
MMmmm lovely answer @zen-art! very thorough! its good you distinguish between different types of judgement, as you say.. sometimes we really need these skills!
I think we can bring most of if down to the simple point you made:
"Judgment can be especially helpful but only if it is done properly, rationally and with an open mind."
we could debate what 'properly' means all day long, but i think that says it well!
xxx
Yes we can :) Thank you for your lovely feedback darling 💚
That's a wonderful response to the question, as always you nailed it. If we can leave all the prejudices behind it'll be better for is in knowing the person as is and not the way we perceive.
Love and Hugs💖
Prejudice are always stopping us from getting to really know a person ;)