I am such a big believer in the power of letting go. It is a lot healthier for us to just let things flow naturally, in and out of our lives. And even though I know this and I have written a lot about it on here in the past, always talking about the many benefits of letting go, it is not always easy.

Last year I had a lot going on in my life, I found out my sister had Cancer and I watched her suffer on her journey with it, it was so hard being so far away from her, knowing she was in pain, knowing she was suffering. I also had a close friend of mine who had cancer and I also had to watch her change, watch her become weaker and frail, she was still a powerhouse in spirit though. It was really tough, so I was expecting that this year would be different. But never expect anything, that in itself is another lesson in letting go. To just try and live for each moment and let things roll on in naturally.

But this year, has kind of been a slap in the face for me. I lost that friend to Cancer and I had to watch my sister's Cancer spread and watch her have to make so really tough decisions. Decisions that really she had to make on her own.

I know I have my ideas of what treatment I would undergo, but it really is not my place to be forcing my opinions on anyone else. My job is to support my sister in whatever she chooses, support her and love her and stand next to her. To bite my tongue, when I feel the urge to share my knowledge, because my thoughts do not matter, what matters is that my sister is supported in her decisions, in her choices. That she feels strong and empowered. So I found that I had to let go of this desire to heal my sister my way.

But, the biggest thing, the hardest thing I have had to let go of, is my partner of the last 11 years, the father of my 3 girls.

Our relationship had not been going well for some time. But all I know, is that I tried so hard to make it work. Even though it was wearing me down and making me unhappy. Deep down I wanted a happy family for my girls, I wanted what I never had. I wanted it so bad, that I ignored the fact, that actually, this person whom I was sharing my life with, whom I had family with, did not really want the same things as me. Did not want the same life that I wanted. I found that the last few years I would have to regularly point out to him how great our life was. How lucky we were to be living the way we did. I was putting so much energy into trying to convince him, that he wanted the same life as me. But in reality, I think he really struggled with the idea of a family, of being tied down.

He really struggled with no longer having the freedom to do what he wanted. He felt trapped by our lifestyle, by the fact that our Truck could no longer move, he always went on about how he hated living where we are now, he didn't really like the people or the scene and I would keep on trying to make him see how fecking lucky we were. I mean our children have a great life, they have so much freedom. We live on land that provides us with fruit and nuts all year round and yet all he did was complain. And Oh how that dragged me down. How that ate away at my spirit at my essence, I was beginning to feel like a shadow.

And yet I tried so hard to make it work, to keep us together, even though it was tearing me apart and I was feeling so burned out. I was already emotionally drained after losing my friend and travelling over and back to be with my sister whilst she underwent Chemo.

Towards the end I just really didn't have the energy for our relationship and it really started to slip. When I was away in the summer, with my girls in Ireland to be with my sister, my ex started a relationship with some one else. Some one a lot younger, with no responsibilities, with no real ties. Some one young and care free, exactly who he wanted to be. So after 6 weeks I returned, emotionally and physically exhausted from my time in Ireland, to discover that a younger woman had taken my place in our home, in our Truck. To be honest this felt more like a punch in the face rather than a slap in the face, a punch that kept on coming and coming as my ex shown no remorse and seemed to take pleasure in upsetting me more.

But finally we broke apart, finally I let him go. I cried and cried, I got so angry and so upset and so confused. Those tears, they still come, they fall now as I write this and as I once again try to grasp all that has happened. My whole life felt like it was spinning out of control at times, so many things to now consider. How could I manage to support my girls? where do I go from here? what happens now? But this is all normal, this was all natural, my life did get turned upside down and yes it did spin for a while. But through it all, I felt a calmness return to my life, I felt lighter and more content within myself. This heaviness was lifted from my shoulders. I no longer had to carry around anyone else's negativity. I have always been a positive person, always believed that things will work out. And I tried so hard to make him see that too, to make him see the many amazing things that we had, that we were surrounded by. But I have learned, that I can not force my way on others.

I had to let go of the idea, that this person whom I shared my life with could never be the person I wanted him to be, the person whom I saw him as.

When it comes to being a parent, it was always me trying to motivate him to get more involved with the girls, to do things with them. He never really wanted to and if he did it was always on his terms, not theirs. Today I met a friend of mine at the local rastro, and I was talking about how disappointed I am that he doesn't contact the girls, at all really and she said Aishlinn that was always there, that's nothing new, it's just now you don't have to cover the fact that he shows so little interest in what we do. So yes I have had to let go of the idea of who I thought he was, who I built him up to be. Yet we were meant to be together, because we were meant to create these 3 amazing children.

So in letting him go, I am lighter, I am calmer and I have also become more creative. I now find myself in a position where I need to make a regular income to support myself and my girls. So I have started my Women's Collective/Co-Op which is helping women like myself find ways to support one another. We have already started our creative circle and through that we wish to start to create items that we can sell. I want ot start my own website that will also promote some of the amazing things that the women have been making and also use it as a place with women can visit to be inspired and share their stories and wisdom.

The whole concept for the Women's Collective is around supporting one another, and by doing this we are finding ways to also support the earth. I wish to incorporate my love of Earth Wisdom, of creating ceremonies into this project and help promote the Message of EarthCare, through my writing and by the items that we will be creating. It is still really early days, but I am doing something I love and that I am passionate about. I am using my energy now to create, create the world I wish to live in and the world I wish my girls to live in. The Project is Called Weave to Empower and I will be writing more about it soon. I also hope to start a Fundition account. But more on that later.

For now, I am feeling a little bit tired and drained but oh so inspired, inspired to finally become the person I am meant to be!

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