I have written many times, about how our children are here to guide us, to help us remember, that in order for us to really thrive and be happy we need to listen to and trust ourselves. To Listen to our bodies, when they are trying to communicate with us, it seems such a simple thing really, I mean how can we expect to really listen to and hear others if we don't do it for ourselves.
Is it because we don't value ourselves enough?
Where does that come from, this lack of self worth. How did we get to this point in our lives where some of us deny ourselves one of the most basic animal needs on the earth. Love, Self Love.
Everything we do for ourselves comes from a place of love. Either we do love and respect ourselves or we don't and ignore our own needs, ignore our own self, when it tries to reach out to us. How many times have you ignored the little signs that your body sends you, when it is not being taken care of. How many times have you refused to acknowledge that ache or pain, that twinge. How many times have you refused to cry and just told yourself, chin up. How many times have you pushed down that frustration, that anger, pushed it down because you have no space in your life for it. How many times have you denied yourself the opportunity to really feel, to feel that hurt, that pain, that sorrow or even that joy.
I know I have done all of these things, it is not an easy thing to give yourself the time to really sit with yourself and focus all your attention and energy on what is happening to you right now. Yet we will happily sit with a friend and family member, give them all the attention that they need, be fully present with them. Because it is expected that we will be there for others, that we will be seen as caring and loving towards others. How many times have we been told to be kind to others, to respect others, to be gentle with others. I know when I was a child I heard this a lot, and I heard other parents say it to their children. But surely if we are being gentle with ourselves first, then we will automatically do the same for others.
My middle daughter has been a little under the weather the last couple of days, it has coincided with her Dad moving to another country, she is only 5 and although she does talk to me a lot about how she is feeling, sometimes words are not enough when we are feeling emotional pain. Today while sitting with her, I asked if she was feeling any better, she said no, I am still sad. Although she had been expressing more physical symptoms, she could, quite clearly identify that her tummy upset, was due to her being sad. For her there is no disconnection between the physical and the emotional. Her papa has moved away and because she is finding that really difficult, she can understand that her body as well as her mind can be upset.
So at what point, do we begin to disassociate the two. I believe it begins at a very young age, when we start to tell children that they need to listen more to others, when we begin to teach them how to stop listening to themselves. When we as adults, believe, that everything that a child needs to know in order to be successful, has to come from a qualified person. When we step in to protect them and show them the way. Because that is what we are here to do.
What would happen, if we didn't jump in to fix everything, if we didn't try to warn young children, if we didn't curb their enthusiasm in life. If we just let them figure it all out for themselves. If we allowed them to always listen to themselves, to trust themselves. What type of a person would they become?
Before I became a parent, I just to think, that it would be great to one day have kids and teach them all I know. How little I knew back then, how schooled I had become in my thinking. The best thing I do for my children, for myself is to allow them to become who they are meant to be. To watch them as they make their way and unschool myself, unschool myself and open my eyes and see that they can and do look after their whole self. Because they listen to themselves and they know where their pain and hurt comes from. They allow themselves to really feel it and express it as it happens. There is no shutting it out, pushing it down, there is only the here and now. As long as we let them, that is.
What a huge responsibility we have as parents, but what a huge gift we give ourselves and our children when we shown them the respect they deserve. They know how to live and we, well we get to relearn that from them.