Unschooling 101 Part 2: Freedom of Activity

The wisdom of letting kids decide what to do with their day

I wanted to share the basics of unschooling for those who don't know much about it. It's important for young parents to know what their options are, and it's really wonderful for everyone to have a basic understanding of different educational theories, so we can work together to support all families in helping children grow into loving and powerful adults in whichever ways work best for each family.

Editing to add: If you're new to the party, here's the link to Part I

Freedom. It's what's for breakfast.

Freedom is a cornerstone of unschooling. It's so important, in fact, we're going to have to split it into two posts. In this first part we will talk about children having the freedom to do whatever they choose. This is a tremendous mental block for almost everyone. It is helpful to look at it in a different way. This freedom is also a cornerstone of Sudbury schools. Way back in the day when I helped start and staff one in Asheville, NC, US, one of the most common questions was, "how in the world do they learn anything if you let them do what they want all day?" Under that question is the assumption that kids don't want to learn. In the modern school system, that assumption has some validity. If we take a look at young children, it's a little easier to see their real drive to learn. Watch them learn to talk or walk or ride a bike. Their drive is strong. When they resist in the modern classroom, they are resisting being told what to learn for hours on end and forced to sit still and be quiet for long periods of time. They are resisting being told that the things they love and are passionate about are worthless and unimportant. They are resisting being told that they are bad for simply acting like children.

It also helps to undo the ideas of what is and isn't useful or important. This idea that learning only happens when people sit and listen to another person teach is not only false, it is dangerous. Learning is happening almost all the time. Hold onto your hats. Learning is happening when children play pretend, run in the woods, climb a tree, stare into space, cook a meal, draw a picture, spend money at the store, play video games, and have conversations just for starters. Driven to learn, they will do so in the funnest and most interesting possible way for them. I know plenty of boys who learned to read playing video games. And sometimes they simply need time to think and integrate what they have already learned. A child sitting and staring into space is often doing important processing work. In fact, most of us adults could learn a thing or two from them about taking the time to do nothing.

Boredom is awesome! And other phrases to make your kids' eyes roll.

One of my favorite states of being for kids is boredom. Boredom is basically gold. It is in this place that a child can really realize what they actually want. They have a chance to reach deep inside and figure out which things in this world are actually interesting to them. This would actually also be true for adults, but I can't remember the last time I was bored. Will they choose to flip on the tv sometimes? Of course, but that also gets awfully boring. Unless a child has a powerful interest in acting or directing or perhaps writing, they will not be interested in endless tv watching. Mostly because it's not that interesting. Sometimes we all need to check out.

The power of those crazy inter webs.

It has always been possible to learn everything you need or want to know in this way. A child would simply seek out a book or a person with the knowledge they wanted and read or ask questions, perhaps become an apprentice. Of course now it is extraordinarily easy. The Internet, in my mind, makes the modern school system completely obsolete. Some of the best teachers in the world, for any subject you can imagine - and many you'd probably rather not imagine, are ready and waiting on the Internet. All of MIT's classes are available online. For free. I try not to laugh at people who tell me I can't possibly teach my children because I don't have a teaching degree. We all now have easy access to pursue every passion we can possibly squeeze in to the hours of the day. The Internet makes it easy, and let's face it, our kids are more adept at it than we are.

The 3 R's (except writing starts with a W and arithmetic with an A)

The question of the basics comes up often. The idea, of course, is that the ability to read is central to the ability to learn other things. That's not entirely true, but it definitely makes it a lot easier. And of course basic math certainly makes a host of things from cooking to shopping significantly easier. Right there is the answer. Every human whose curiousity is encouraged, particularly those who are surrounded by interesting and intelligent people, will discover the utility of reading and basic math. Many, of course, will also discover the sheer joy of one or both. At some point they will realize that this knowledge makes life easier and more fun. And this idea stretches further. For the child fascinated by physics or chemistry or a host of different engineering fields, they will discover that they will need to have a pretty deep understanding of some fairly complicated math, whether they are interested in it or not. The child whose drive for learning has not been thwarted will pursue, pursue, pursue through countless obstacles because they have been allowed the time to explore and pause and discover what they are passionate about.

Your child is not a storm trooper

It is very important to understand that every child has their own timing. They will learn when they are ready, and it may not be your exact idea of a good time table. Almost certainly, they will not be learning on most of your bossy relatives and neighbors' time tables. My oldest taught himself to read at 4. He was excited about it. Mostly he wanted to read Batman comic books, and I told him I wouldn't read them because I just don't enjoy reading comic books. My older daughter, on the other hand, didn't learn to read until she was 9. In part she is the type of person to resist what other people tell her she should or needs to do. She's her own girl, and she's a powerhouse for sure. I never cared that she hadn't yet learned to read and knew she would eventually pick it up, but there were plenty of others harassing her. Her resistance was also a protection of this certain type of innocence. The whole world is available very suddenly once you learn to read. Nasty notes on bathroom walls, awful advertising slogans, hateful comments, all of it. It's an opening of the world. And for an incredibly sensitive girl like her, it was too much, and she intuitively knew it would be. She was also putting all her energy and focus into her art, and that gave her a really important channel for all her deep feelings and emotions. Once she started learning to read, she picked it up very quickly and was reading at college level by 14. That said, the comments of people, most of them well meaning, took a toll in those early years. It's important to educate your relatives as thoroughly as you can. Seek out articles and books about children who learned late and send these people links. Tell them that pressuring a child makes it take longer and can cause psychological harm. Do what you have to do to protect your child.

-b+/- the square root of b^2-4ac/2a

Beyond the basics lies a very important question. From the vast body of knowledge in the world, who has decided what each human should know by the age of 18? You always see those memes about how much more useful it would be to know how to file your taxes or how evil credit card companies are than the date of the Louisiana Purchase or the quadratic formula. It always sounds like people are half kidding in those quotes, but I'm posing a really for real serious question. Who decides? And why? I don't really want to go down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole, but I think it's fair to say that there's a reason the history books don't talk a lot about the history of resistance, of labor movements, of anarchy. Nor do they have a sufficient amount to say about the Trail of Tears, the wretchedness of colonialism or even slavery. The fact that Andrew Jackson is still on US money is just far beyond disgusting. Anyway. Lest I go off on a tirade, I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions about that. Without a doubt, though, there is an abundance of knowledge in the world about a host of different areas. It is not possible to learn it all. I believe it is also not possible to know which chunks are most important or most interesting for any other person. Both my older kids love comics and graphic novels. They're always trying to get me to read them. I'm just not interested. But I'm glad they love it, and I'm glad it brings them so much joy. If I see something cool about manga or art, I'll tell my daughter, in the same way I would a friend. No need to do the condescending "I think you should learn thus and such." If I see something about music or anarchy, I share it with my boy. What I know for sure is that I have helped them fine tune the skill of learning to listen to their own voice to discover their passions and interests and how to learn more about and follow their interests.

The stunning shock of imperfection

Except that won't always be the case. We all make "bad" choices. That's a part of living, and it's not an unimportant part. Like everyone else, kids need compassion when they've fucked up. They need to know that it's ok. They may need some guidance on moving forward. They also need to fail. It's not helpful for us to sweep in and rescue them each time. In fact, quite the opposite, I think it's helpful to teach them that every failure is a victory. They have tried and found a thing that didn't work or realized that they will have to try a new strategy. It's genuinely an important part of learning.

This freedom bit is genuinely one of the biggest obstacles for most people to unschooling and also to Sudbury schools. My intention here is to just provide an introductory type article, so I won't go on any further. However, I am happy to answer questions in the comments section and further clarify or help tame the "what if" monster. I also love comments from unschooling families, and I think positive stories give more confidence to people wanting to give it a go.

In the next part we will look at a different type of freedom. Some time in the next week or so. Keep a lookout!

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