Freedom and Children
Why Can't Children be Free?
Well, it's that day again in the US, and I am very glad to live in a different country. I have a host of issues with July 4th, ranging from the laughable, yet depressing, state of “freedom” in the US to the fact that we are celebrating one group of people freeing themselves from another group, neither of whom should have been in charge in the first damn place since the land belonged to entirely different people all together. Today I want to talk about something else, though.
Recently, I read this post. Those who have been following me a while know I am a big Sudbury Valley School fan. The founders of that school are some of my biggest heroes. They have been powerful advocates of children's rights for longer than I've been alive.
The only thing I don't agree with here is the implication in the title that children are the only ones being discriminated against at this point. I think kids are surely the most discriminated against, but there are plenty of others being discriminated against to varying degrees. Most of those groups have movements working for their rights. Sudbury Valley is pretty much all kids have. Danny and Hannah Greenberg, along with Mimsy Sadofsky and the other founders and staff of SVS, have been tireless advocates of children's rights for more than 50 years.
It is almost impossible to even understand how poorly children are viewed. It's like a fish trying to understand water. The ideas of them being incapable and irresponsible are so deeply ingrained in our core world views that it sort of shocks people to try to step outside. For those who haven't spent time in a Sudbury school as I have been blessed to, it will almost take your breath away. Sudbury Valley, in particular, has so much history and also a larger number of students. Watching the bustle of kids there, a judicial committee meeting, or a school meeting will bring tears to your eyes. It's so beautiful to see kids taking responsibility for themselves and their lives and being such an integral part of their community, all the while being totally free.
Free children develop in such a beautiful way. This idea that children will go Lord of the Flies is both insulting and absurd. I have seen no evidence of that. In fact I have seen children who struggled with serious discipline issues in the regular school system completely transform into responsible, caring members of their community. Every child at every Sudbury school is responsible not only for their own education but also the entire running of a school. They vote on the budget, staff hiring and firing, and all rules. They take it quite seriously. When an issue is before the school meeting that a small child does not understand, they don't vote. When they want a new slide but can't get it into the budget through school meeting, they fundraise. They are resourceful and persistent. Yes there are adults around who share their opinions, but they are far outnumbered. Children are the majority, and their rule is fair and reasonable.
Children who are given freedom to direct themselves will be independent. Children who have responsibility in their communities will be responsible. I've seen it over and over again. At the very least they should be free to do what they choose with their lives. Compulsory schooling is a terrible injustice.
When they grow up in this way, they learn to ask for guidance. They know they can ask for help learning about everything from driving to career paths to Lego building to sex. They are far less likely to be taken advantage of because they are integrated into their communities and understand that being trusted means you must know when to ask for help.
Honestly, I would be quite content to end legal age limits for driving, drinking, and voting, but at the very least kids should be allowed to determine how they spend their days. I know it's a huge leap, so bring on the questions!
I leave you with Kahlil Gibran On Children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
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Giving them as much freedom as possible is Very important! If you want to raise Independent and Strong Children to become Adults you will be proud of, they need to control as much of their lives as is safe for them to do! This help them learn to make decisions, and it lets them find their own center; and make their own personality, strong!
:DI so agree! It's so much better for them to practice decision making when someone else is paying the bills and they don't have adult level responsibilities. It's why so many young people now can't move out or end up moving back home. Well, partly the economy is awful but also because they never learned how to manage their lives, and now it's so much harder to learn, and that's really not their fault. That's on the parents imo.
The kids each had a night to cook for the family, whatever they wanted to cook. They both had a rifle at seven years old. The both were expected to keep their own cars running, once they had them.
Freedom, mixed with responsibility, turned out some pretty fine adults!
:DThe combo of freedom and responsibility is the critical mix. My daughter does dinner every night and keeps the bathroom clean. I think she's had every chore there is at this point, so she will be perfectly able to go on her own whenever she's ready!
I think one of the failure kids experience is when they move out, there will be a lot of new tasks they must master! If they have done NONE of these tasks at home; the task hill will be much steeper. So the more they can master while home, the easier when they move out, and go: "WHAT do I need to do Now?"
Precisely. Having already mastered some skills will also help with their confidence to master others.
Yes, because they have the tools of how to approach a new problem; and the knowledge that they, personally, can handle these new problems!
Learning how to learn is so key.
Right now, I am writing an article about emotional immaturity, and it almost every time starts in the childhood. What you say about letting kids assume responsibility is extremely important, it will help them later on in life.
Voting is very delicate, there are a lot of problems all over the world because people vote for things they don't understand, and young people tend to be really misinformed about political mistakes from the past especially if they happened in other countries, and they tend to adopt certain tendencies that were already prove as something that always fails.
Starting early to be responsible for themselves and for their community may well be the most important thing.
I think the problems we see with voting is at least partly because children have no practice at it. Of course it's also because people are often so weirdly secretive, so no one is really teaching anyone about how to understand the issues and look beyond lip service, etc. For that matter I see an awful lot of politicians also remaking old mistakes and trying to continue on with clearly failed policies. Of course that is probably intentional.
What I always saw at any Sudbury school I went to was that children took their responsibilities very seriously. They wouldn't vote if they didn't understand, and they always listened through the meeting to different sides before voting if they were going to vote. With staff elections, they were always quite aware of what was at stake there - from the proper running of the school to someone having a job to provide for their family. I found them to often be more thoughtful than adults, especially the younger ones.
This is so beautifully written in the poem by Kahlil Gibran.
For children to be powerful and free, I guess we have to stop telling what they can and cannot do. Too much laws have forbidden the grace to abound, perhaps. I would love to see a new generation who are independent and know how to trust and even seek help, a generation who will feel comfortable in their skin.
This is a great post to give some thoughts to, thank you @solarsupermama! :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I have been thinking about this stuff for a really long time and feel so passionately. I totally agree that a generation that knew how to trust, seek help, and feel comfortable in their skin would be very revolutionary!!
oh I so hear you on this, I see it everyday and it greatly upsets me, the best we can do I feel is to live by example and allow ourselves and our children to light the way. Much love and respect to you mama xxx
Thank you! I am so grateful to be connected to someone who gets it!!