RE: Social Anxiety, Old Baggage Resurfacing
Oh my how this describes me:
Out here I feel beautiful without even thinking about it. Hair wild and uncombed, ragged cut off shorts and a t-shirt that's older than my son. My legs might be shaved ...or not and there is inevitably dirt under my nails. Around the bright lights of a city I feel tatty and worn. I feel insecure. I am a misfit who is anxiously digging out my old war paint and nice clothing so I can masquerade as someone who belongs.
I'm actually really looking forward to my own upcoming trip across country--the part of it where I can run around and explore on my own time. But I'm stressing about the day of the ceremony. What will I wear, are my current clothes acceptable or do I go shopping? should I buy at least some mascara?! and what the heck am I going to do with my hair?!?! It feels crazy when I write it down but I don't give a hoot what I look like around here. My family thinks I'm beautiful and that's good enough and it should be all that matters. But I too feel some creeping insecurity I haven't felt in years! So all I have is commiseration and hugs...and the mentality that if people are judgy, well that's their problem.
It does seem silly to have these small insecurities take so much space all of a sudden ...but I think that's the deal. When we haven't addressed things they'll keep finding ways to bubble to the surface. Hugs to you my beautiful friend.