good thoughts here dear. i think in order to respect someone we need to find some common ground with them and not feel adamant disrespect from them. obviously some of those situations yu're describing are pretty g d disrespectful! that being said, i think it's really cool to teach your kids how worthy they are of respect and to dish that back the other way, too. more respect all around is a great thing. existing here is hard sometimes!!
Yes. I have seen people arguably at their worst. And I've had people with dementia call out for hours without stopping and rip their diapers off and spread those little gel beads everywhere. It's a tough job. They're terribly underpaid. Another casualty of the patriarchy.
wow..... totally another patriarchy fail.... my grandma was one of these people, but she had $$$ so she could have a 1 on 1 person at her home. i know so many of us say it: but just kill me if i get to that point... it's a terrible fail that we've lost our social systems and have grossly underpaid strangers take care of us/our loved ones when we get older... i also think this idea to keep someone alive at all costs is really weird and destructive. people should be allowed to die if they want to. sorry you had to know so well about those gel beads....
So many people feel that they would want to die before getting that way, but my experience has been that, once they're there, they aren't quite ready. There's something left to work out in that unconscious space. And whether or not family should feel obligated to care for them at that point is touchy. I think those that choose to care for others in that space should be well compensated, whether family or not. It's hard. There are two funny things about the gel beads. One is that I'm sure that contributed to my passion for cloth diapers. The other is that the guy who was the absolute worst about this was such a treasure. He was incredibly funny and very earnest. Usually on the bead mornings, I would walk in to find him naked wrapped in a blanket like a Jedi on his mattress. Sheets, pajamas, and ripped diaper would be strewn across the floor. It was a nightmare, but I had to admire his zest. He said the funniest shit too. He was an old cowboy with really bad dementia. One of my favorites was, "we're gonna be so goddamn poor, we can't buy a piss ant a wrastling jacket." Then sometimes he would ask for water, and when I brought it to him, he would say, "I just wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." He just had deeply profound gratitude. It's a mixed bag, but it should be paid way better than it is.