This week's @ecotrain question of the week is all about respect. "How do you command (not demand) the respect of your friends and peers?" or "What does respect mean to you, who do you respect and why, and how do you demonstrate it?" You can find the original post about this here. We were meant to choose either one of the above, however, I decided that my post is probably going to be a mix of the two. Yes, I always go against the grain. You should know this by now.😁

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What respect means to me

Everyone would like to be respected, feel respected. But what does it mean to be respected? Is it that your children listen to you when you tell them something? That they do what you ask them to do? Or does it mean that others (adults) take you seriously? To me, the answer to that is both yes and no.

In regards to my kids, I feel that it shows respect when they look at me when I speak to them. However, it goes both ways. I need to look and listen too when they try to tell me something. As for 'doing as they're asked to do' it's a bit different. We all share this home, we live here together and together we are responsible for the household running well, care for the animals, etc. However, just as much as I have the right to say: "I don't feel like washing the dishes right now", or "I am not going to fold the laundry now, but I'll do it tomorrow", they do too. If I ask one of them to help me with the dishes, and he or she is doing something else, I should have enough respect to meet them half-way and either do the dishes later, or by myself (or with someone else). Of course, it shouldn't become an excuse never to do anything. But if things are clear and we've spoken about them, then usually there aren't many excuses and often someone else will jump in and help with the tasks.

It's all about mutual respect, not just a one-way street.

How to command respect from others

I believe the above has partly answered that question. If I show respect to others, others will (usually) respect me back. If this is not the case, then there is something wrong in the dynamic between people. On the other hand, I can respect someone as a person, and respect the choices one makes, while at the same time disagreeing with them about those choices.
However, if people don't do this, it's very hard for me to respect them in any way.
One example of this is the discussions between vaccinating and non-vaccinating parents sometimes.
Personally, I don't vaccinate the children, for several reasons. However, I respect the people who do, don't think any less of them and I respect the choices they make for their family. Even if I don't agree with the way they think or the choices they make. But I have seen it a lot differently, from both sides. With the recent news about the measles and the mandatory measles vaccinations in some places, there have been more discussions about the subject. The number of times I've heard people say that the other should have their kids taken away because they don't (or do) vaccinate is really shocking. These people know nothing about the other, and yet, they choose to make statements like that. To me, it shows that there is no respect towards the other, and it is very hard for me to respect someone who would say such a thing.

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Another example is my ex-inlaws. These people, especially the mother, had no respect for me as a mother...at ALL.
I've always cared about what my children eat. Especially sugary and other crap foods were pretty much off limits. I make those choices as a parent because I believe I know what's best for them. The inlaws had other things in mind. Every time the kids would go visit, they would be stuffed with candy and ice-cream and other crap food, and I'd get them back cranky and flying up the wall. And I'm not talking the usual 'grandparents get to spoil the kids' kinda thing, but really stuffing them and giving them whatever they wanted and even if they didn't want it. When I would talk to them about it, they would nod, promise things they never kept and even lie about it.
They'd still do those things, but they'd do it behind my back. One day at my daughter's birthday (she turned 2), they gave my then 8 months old son whipped cream (with sugar!). He was still breastfed and didn't take any dairy and they knew where I stood on that.
My ex-father-in-law told the rest (as I was inside in the kitchen) not to say anything to me, because: "If it were up to her those kids aren't allowed anything."
So even though these people are/were my kids' grandparents, and of course they loved them, I felt completely undermined as a mother and it is very hard for me to hold respect for people like that.

What respect means to me

Well basically it's accepting the other for who they are, and support (not undermine) them no matter their choices in life.
Even if you don't agree with everything it is still possible to respect a person.
I believe it is very important to respect all the people we meet, old or young. The elderly of course, deserve respect, however, children do just the same. I used to work for a 76-year-old veteran while living in the US, and even though I respected him as a person, some things he did weren't very respectful. He seemed to believe that since he could drop dead any moment now, he could just do right about everything. Once I was in the car with him, when he turned the car, backed it up and bumped into another car that was parked behind us. When I said something about it, because he didn't seem to have noticed, he just shrugged and kept going. He had noticed, but decided he could just do whatever he liked because he was old. Not cool, even from a respected elderly veteran.

Also, people who don't respect nature, litter all over the place and disrespect other living creatures, will never gain my respect.

Who do I respect?

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Well, this is quite easy because there are a lot of people I respect. I respect my mother for everything she did and what she has sacrificed for us. I may not have seen eye to eye with her all the time (most of the time) but I truly respect the person that she was, how hard she worked and what she had to lose in order to keep us happy.
The same goes for my grandmother. I respect my sisters and brothers. Both my sisters and one brother overcame the horror of sexual abuse in their childhood and that's quite something. They managed to stay true to themselves and not let it take over their lives. I respect my other brother, because after being a very heavy (functional) alcoholic since he was in his late teens until he was in his fifties, he just got up one day, quit drinking and hasn't touched a drop for almost 3 years now.

I respect my friends, naturally, because they're my extended family. My friends have always had my back, and can tell me when they don't agree with me, but they will always respect me and my decisions.
I respect many of my Steemian friends here too, many have become like family too. Everyone is unique and offers something unique to the platform, and this commands respect.
And last, but not least: I have great respect for my kids. Life hasn't always been easy for them, especially my eldest, but they stay their own beautiful self, no matter what. Plus, respect for putting up with me!

How do I show my respect? It's the little things, but I think they know.

Thank you for reading!