RE: Why is it Okay to Be a Little Selfish, Focus on Your Needs and Communicate them to Loved Ones
Thanks for sharing what you wrote. It took me time to read and digest every single line of it as i used to be (occasionally still is now, but am learning not to) a people pleaser, a yes person. Back then, i didnt know what is boundary. To me, boundary means cutting off rship with other person and making the person not happy. I was silly to think, as long as the person is happy, ill be happy as well. Unfortunately, its not. At the end of the day, i am the one that suffer because i have not set boundaries when i know i dont feel comfortable when people does/say something. It took me years of heartbreaks and tears to realize i need to love myself first before i can love others. I need to make sure im ok first before considering other ppl. Now im at a juncture of my life where im learning to say no, even if it means someone will be unhappy. It takes a lot of courage and wisdom to do that. I need to know that IT IS OKAY to be "selfish" at times, cause if my emotions are not taken care, i cant take care of other ppl too. Thanks for ur effort in writing this. You've definitely helped me in many ways. Upvoted & resteemed to help more people. :)
Thank you so much for this beautiful, heartfelt and honest comment. It takes a lot of courage to open about your personal experiences and you my friend are a strong woman. Boundary setting is often difficult and you are right in saying that sometimes, when setting boundaries, we can feel that it means to completely sever your relationship with someone. However, it does not function like that. Yeah, in some cases when nothing works, you have to distance yourself from a person or maybe even cut ties with him/ her, but quite often, by being clear on your needs and values and effectively and firmly communicating them to that person, you can set a healthy boundary. You also need to ensure that boundary is being followed and not breached.
I am so happy to find out that over the years you have learned to love yourself more and focus on your well-being. Way to go girl! Thank you for the lovely words.
Yes, that's something that I am currently working on.
Now knowing what causes this discomfort in my feelings, then I need to figure out why I felt so and what is that I actually need from this person or what core value am I standing for in this relationship that causes me to set this boundary. --> This is something that I'm still learning til today, even though I have lived on this earth for 20+ years. I've always admire people who knows exactly what they want, cause I appear to be the total opposite. 😌 But I told myself, its okay, take your time to learn about yourself and figure out how to love yourself more through various ways. Cause everyone is born different, hence the different personalities. :)
Thanks for your encouragement @sharoonyasir! You are too a strong woman! :)
It is okay if you don't instantly get what you want. Understanding your needs and wants instantly isn't always easy. For instance, I often don't get what I truly need at once. It takes me time to understand my genuine needs. I am here for any help you need.:)