I think what you went through is called growing up! 😉
Some people never manage.
And I think it´s also harder for people in societies with strong family bonds like in Pakistan.
Now we in the West sometimes envy strong family bonds because we have lost them in many ways, but strong family bonds in many countries are sometimes more based on economic and social pressure than on free choice.
When we are children we have to "behave", "be good" to survive and to receive love, as juveniles we want to be accepted by our peers and sometimes do stupid things to achieve that, only when we are truly grown up we can let go of all wrong notions of having to be, having to behave a certain way to be accepted.
To be truly selfless one has to realize the Self first! 😇