Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Ecotrain's QOTW

in ecotrain •  2 months ago

To love or not to love




The thing which immediately struck me as being funny about this question is that it implies that we have a choice.
Frankly my dear, I believe we don´t.
Unless you´re on the psychopath that is.

Because love is the ingredience of life without which we cannot survive. First we need to be loved in order to survive. This job is usually done by the most important being in our life, our mother.
If all goes well, this love will be enough to shepherd us through the valley of darkness for the rest of our life, because I guess this love will be as perfect, pure and unconditional as we will ever find, nothing compares to it.
And since we learn by imitation we love our mother back, this is the law of nature.

So I guess this question refers more to the kind of love we call romantic love, but also there I think we have no choice.
Even when it comes to love, the German language is quite prosaic, to fall in love is a plain sich verlieben, but in English you fall in love, in Quebecois you tomber en amour, in French there is some coup de coeur, so these phrases describe the suddenness and choicelessness of the falling in love process much better than the German one, you lose the ground under your feet and you fall.


The meh meh love song for the hippily inclined



I was forged in the relentless fires of love lost early on in life, when my mother died of a stroke at the age of 46 when I was 16. I was shell-shocked and a part of me died with her on that dreadful day and could never be recovered fully. They say that time heals everything but that´s not true, some pain never goes away fully.

Her mother, my grandmother, was also devastated, she kept saying that it is not right that a child passes away before its mother. But my mother got at least to the age of 46, what about the pain of a mother losing a young child?


My favorite broken heart repair song in the eighties




Later on in life, all those dramas of romantic love, the breakups, the unfulfilled, unanswered declarations of love, paled in comparison to the loss of my mom. I always told myself I have suffered the greatest loss in life early on in life, nothing can hurt me more than this, because frankly, you can get a new lover, you can make a new child, but you cannot bring back your mom.
This may sound harsh to parents and since I have no children of my own, I have not experienced this kind of love and cannot really imagine the pain parents must feel when a child dies, but I think my point here is just a more rational point of view, in sync with the laws of nature.


It is said that you can only truly call yourself an adult when your parents have died and you have children of your own, then you have lived through the cycle of love and loss, birth and death, you have experienced the most important stuff there is to experience in the human condition on a relationship level with other humans. So I probably will never really grow up, will never experience the love for a child, will remain incomplete on a certain energetic level because I have not contributed to the cycle of life, so in a way, I will not have lived fully.
But at least I have loved and lost a bit also, so also lived a bit and a bit is better than nothing at all.




@ecotrain


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You will start appreciating when you lost what you have

beautiful post... loss Is a part of life.. and however hard, we ALL have to endure it sooner or later and learn to let go .. ive had plenty of opportunity to practice this as well!

wow, I cannot imagine the sense of loss you have experienced, I understand that the pain of that loss will always remain, it is only the living bit that gets easier, but that pain allows you to hold onto your mother, and in a way to feel connected to her. the pain I believe is the love you hold onto her xx
I completely agree that we have no choice with love. on another note though from reading your other posts on here you seem to have lived a very full life, we create and give birth to ideas and dreams and nurturing them and watching them come to life is part of that life cycle, you do not need to be a parent to fully live life my friend.
Thank you for this post and for sharing a part of yourself with us xx

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Yes, luckily everybody can define for himself what living fully means for him and live accordingly and create his own universe.
But I imagine that becoming and being a parent is such a profound experience, that if somebody is not a parent, he or she must hustle quite hard to come up with some other experiences wich are on the same or a similar qualitative level.
I guess, it can be done in the spiritual realm for example.

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

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Yes Lovely to say but difficult to can do

I am sorry to hear about your Mom. Thats life! Full of surprises, but we need always to be strong and move on.

Tales are creature based short stories. Illustrations are human-based short stories.
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Be that as it may, both the creature based and human-based short stories are having fascinating ethics behind them. You are welcome to experience all these short stories line by line. You need to peruse all these short stories between lines. These short stories have an inspiration contact in every one of them. Along these lines, we need to regard these short stories as fortune trove. Over the , these short stories will help you in your lives.

@likedeeler
It is better to loose in love than to never love at all.
Motherly love is the purest of all love and is without any conditions or expectations.

Like you said, love is not a choice. It is one of the energy that drives the humanity. You must love something or someone at one point in your life.

I always told myself I have suffered the greatest loss in life early on in life, nothing can hurt me more than this, because frankly, you can get a new lover, you can make a new child, but you cannot bring back your mom.

I lost my sister two years ago and it's still by far the most painful experience for me. If anything can hurt that much I don't hope to experience it.
Another question worth asking:
Is it possible to love (romantically) two people or more at once. Some say it's not a possibility. Would like to hear your thoughts on that.

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Sure, it´s possible to love more than one person at once, but in order for such polyamorous relationships to really work, meaning that all people in such a relationship are truly happy, there is an amount of maturity required which most people don´t even display in a "normal" relationship. For relationships to work, the people in it must come from a place of abundance and fulfillment, but usually people come from a place of lack and neediness, wanting the other person(s) to magically fulfill them and make them complete.

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well said.

Have you ever wondered if maybe the reason you find yourself not committing enough to that circle of life is a hidden fear that if you have a child you don't want them to suffer the same feelings of loss as you did with your mother if something were to happen to you?

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Gosh. I wondered this too.

I am sorry about your mom and I understand that some pain never goes away but I know that you are happy you had at least some time with her and that you remember her and will never stop loving her and be thankful for her. Thank you for sharing such a painful experience with us and for sharing your lovely thoughts on this subject 💚

This post made me feel.so sad. As I wrote in my response i had an ex who lost his Mum at 13 and forever carried that as a very deep wound. I tried so hard to heal him but nothing every repaired that deep loss. I suffered watching him suffer. So I hear this with all my heart xxxx

Good reflections. Incidentally, it seems there is an omission in the headline: In particular, "...than ever to have loved..." the original says "never" -- thank you for this interesting topic.

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Thanks.
Frankly, I copied and pasted it without much thinking from @riverflows, blindly assuming that she as a native speaker got the headline right. Can´t trust anybody! 😉

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Lol... who copied and pasted it from someone else! Ahaha... it's like Chinese whispers with copy and paste!!!!!

And no one picked it up in my title lol... goes to show how carefully we read. Native speaking is one thing, proofreading is another.

I noticed you copied and paste but didn't comment on my post ... :( ...

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Well, both actions are proof that I´m lazy 😉

Let me first say I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience and your reflections on its meaning. As a student of life we can all learn from our collective experiences. You are right in that our experience with our mothers is a unique one in life as no one else can fill that role. But I reflected as I read your story on the people in my life and their experiences with their mothers as well as my relationship with my own children. Some of these relationships were fraught with dysfunction and abuse, alcoholism and bipolar disorder and then there were others which were quite normal and loving. As I read your story I thought over the impacts of those relationships with a deeper more profound understanding of the suffering of thosw who lose a mother or those who live with a mother who does not or can not love and nurture them. I am 48 and often think about my role as a mother and now a grandmother and although we often doubt ourselves and struggle to be the best mother we can be, it is hard to appreciate the gravity of our role through the eyes of being the mother. We can only do that, as you have done here, through the eyes of a child. Thank you again. Resteemed.

I love the soundtrack to your post! Thanks for sharing xxx

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It's never to late to say that, because the pain never goes away. I wouldn't worry about having a child to grow up. That's a silly theory, in my view. Maturity is psychological, a stage of development. Children can (and do) have children. Propagation is a biological urge and has nothing to do with psychological maturity.
I think the greatest tragedy anyone can suffer is to not be loved. If it is not given to you at birth (yes, there are people who don't have parents, or the love of parents), it can be found elsewhere. Sometimes this requires reaching out, to someone, or something, who (that) needs love. And love may be returned. There is the image of a homeless person on the street (any street, anywhere in the world) who is sharing a wretched blanket with an unkempt dog. The homeless person loves the dog. The dog loves the homeless person. I don't know who reached out first. But each found love. Sometimes that's enough.