It is indeed the criticism which transforms discernment into judgment. Discerning a situation or certain matter itself is a healthy thing to do for our own decision-making. It is the criticism which is the root of comparison, whereby we naturally place our perspective at the forefront irrespective of whether our perspective is based on practical experience or just on theoretical chatter without following through with the according practical responsiblity ourselves. Most often, people using scathing criticism are the ones belonging to the latter category, and naturally, those criticizing most are the ones who can handle criticism least.
Personally, in some situations I am even very careful with discerning aloud and only express my discernment aloud to others when they explicitly ask for my perspective. If that is not given, I either prefer silence or won't go further than "you need to experience and decide for yourself".
You said this really really well! I have been searching for this distinction to express to people, because I don't feel bad for judging people, as for me it's just discernment. Thank you for showing me the words I was looking for! And thanks for the reminder to be thankful, That really helped today!
Glad to hear it, and so nice to see a comment from you. Hope all is well. I've been tagging you a bit for contests/challenges over on WLS. It's a great way to get coins for extra upvotes, but let me know if you have no interest in challenges and want me to stop tagging you.
Ah sorry! It’s been a while since I checked steemit and whaleshares aside from replying to comments. I’ll get on that when I get home! Please tag me whenever you want, sorry I missed it! It’s been such a long period of transition, slowly starting to settle down now.
Well said! You pretty much captured the essence of "judgment" by making the distinction between discernment and judgment.
Technically speaking, we "judge" all the time, from the moment we step out of bed, from "do these jeans make me look fat?" to whether we should take a coat and umbrella, to whether the bus driver is driving safely. The problems don't really arise till judgment starts becoming a manipulation to change others against their will. Then we're moving over into criticism. And not of the constructive kind.
It's quite tricky, sometimes. As a minister and counselor, I am almost required to "judge" in certain ways, because people approach me seeking answers. Whereas it is not mine to "tell them what to do," part of my calling is do guide, which does involve a certain "judgment" of what is wheat and what is chaff in their lives.
Yes, and it can be really hard to ride that line, especially if we really care how things turn out for someone. That's why it's so important to not get attached to results, even as we express an opinion meant to be constructive.
To be judgmental in a way that constructive criticism is being offered does have its benefits. All to often though being judgmental and offering advise does not come across as anything but negative criticism. Criticism comming from anyone can be hard to take espically from people whom we really do not know very well. To fill the need to be judgemental with acts of praise lets us take the higher road, which is the road to being comfortable in one's own skin. Great advice. The old saying do not throw stones when you live in a glass house, says it all. We all have faults and it would wiser to spend some time with a little introspection rather than look for faults in others!
So true. When we are focused on all that is wrong with others, we are not improving the one thing we can improve, ourselves!
You know, even with constructive criticism I've given up on it. My younger sister has been so different from all the rest of us, and it has caused her so much suffering. All my adult life I've been trying in vain to guide her along a more substantial path than what her hair and nails look like, but I've had to accept that there is no changing this about her. She really is a superficial person within a really "deep" family, and that's got to be ok. That's a specific example, but I think it speaks to the bigger point. When we judge others we are judging them by our standards of what is "best." But what if they are meant to live a completely different sort of life than what we think they should want? So I've given it up, and decided to leave god's work to god. Though I still harass my older sisters about their retirement accounts. I feel God is inspiring me to LOL.
lovely to see you, lovely to hear you, lovely to feel you! Nicely said!!! Discernment is such a good thing to distinguish as part of healthy judgement ... as you say the challenge is to know when it is being useful to us or not! Very happy to joined us this week! <3
Congrats on giving up smoking.. me next i think!
I am Grateful for this post!! xxx beautiful ending!
Thanks for the question and this wonderful collaboration between the various tribes! I appreciate having an idea to focus my thinking on. And so glad you enjoyed my answer!
Am I being too girly to say i Iike this color on you and your hair? Also you appear more relaxed in this video than your others. the Discerment aspect is a great point you bring up regarding judgment. thank you for this!
Thanks so much! This is actually one of my favorite colors. Unfortunately, it seems to also be popular with moths! Most of my sweaters this color have holes in them.
I think I may come off as more relaxed in this one because this is my second time shooting the same material. The first time the recorder malfunctioned and the audio and visual timing was off. So the second time I already kind of knew what I was saying and where I was going with it. LOL
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind comment.
I think sometimes people judge without knowing because they have a certain set mindset on how things need to be and when someone goes against the grain and challenges that assumption, they just find themselves responding in a way that is not suitable. I think they can learn to not judge by looking at how their actions affect others.
Well at least they can hopefully learn to not act on their judgments so quickly by seeing the effect of jumping to conclusions. It's hard to let go of judmentalism, but life gets so much better once we can.
Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. Nice to meet you.
Great video and discussion! We truly need to breakaway from these stereotypes and cultural learnings that are embedded in our tribal thinking. The push to become a collective society has gotten us far away from becoming individuals withbour own thoughts which leads to less creativity and innovation. I try to teach my daughter this every day but it is so tough given it is all around her...
I can only imagine how hard it is to convey to one's children the most important lessons that were so hard to learn in life. I think some things really can only be learned from experience, but we can plant seeds. I see myself doing it with my nieces and nephews all the time, wanting so badly to spare them having to learn the way I learned.
What I've settle on is to just model having freed myself to what degree I have been able to, while letting them know I'm available should they ever wish to discuss it. Every once in a while one of them actually takes me up on it and I get a text out of the blue. But then, I am the cool aunt, not the "official parents." LOL
I appreciated that you differentiated between judgement and discernment. That's something that's often missed.
When dealing with family or close friends, I think that even criticism can be a good thing. Like you said, it's the condemnation that's destructive. Criticism is discernment that is vocalized or presented to someone else. It's just letting them know you think something is wrong. Condemnation is telling them that it's wrong AND they're never going to be able to change it... so they're rejected/not good enough. That's not helpful or beneficial. Most of the "criticism" we see online nowadays is actually "condemnation."
If I'm doing something that's not in line with who I am or how I should be acting, I have friends who can come to me and tell me (critique/criticize) my behavior and remind me that I'm supposed to be doing better. It's a call to something more, not a verdict against me. Granted, I don't take criticism from everyone as not everyone knows my values or has earned the right to speak into my life like that. However, for those who have, I like the outside perspective to help me accomplish my goals.
Lastly, I think you're right on with your explanation of how to avoid (any) negative habit. You have to replace it with something else. Being thankful is a really good one. It's difficult to be thankful and condemning of something at the same time.
Thanks for an inspiring post. It was a chance for me to be contemplative about the nuances of a few different words and review what I thought about them. Have a great day!
You are fortunate to be open to criticism from some people and to have a family that is. I've found that with my family, everyone is too emotionally sensitive to take criticism. So I will advise folks in the areas where they know I have professional expertise they don't have, and they're open to that. But it's always hurt feelings no matter how I frame anything meant to be constructive criticism.
I'm glad you found this stimulating to useful contemplation for you. I love how we help one another with such perspectives and reminders. Glad to get to be a prompt for you today.
Ha ha ha, not all of my family members are open to it. Some are, but others prefer to make their own choices. Over the years, I've learned not to give my opinions/critique/advice to those who don't ask for it. It will just frustrate them and waste my time. I try to only give advice where it's going to be productive.
Ok... That is a good question...
You would expect it to have a good reason, but on the other hand, many things we do don't have a good reason (anymore)...
Perfectly expressed!
It is indeed the criticism which transforms discernment into judgment. Discerning a situation or certain matter itself is a healthy thing to do for our own decision-making. It is the criticism which is the root of comparison, whereby we naturally place our perspective at the forefront irrespective of whether our perspective is based on practical experience or just on theoretical chatter without following through with the according practical responsiblity ourselves. Most often, people using scathing criticism are the ones belonging to the latter category, and naturally, those criticizing most are the ones who can handle criticism least.
Personally, in some situations I am even very careful with discerning aloud and only express my discernment aloud to others when they explicitly ask for my perspective. If that is not given, I either prefer silence or won't go further than "you need to experience and decide for yourself".
LOL! Great response. I may wind up using that.
I'm glad you resonated with my answer to this question. Hope you're having a truly blessed day, my friend.
You said this really really well! I have been searching for this distinction to express to people, because I don't feel bad for judging people, as for me it's just discernment. Thank you for showing me the words I was looking for! And thanks for the reminder to be thankful, That really helped today!
Glad to hear it, and so nice to see a comment from you. Hope all is well. I've been tagging you a bit for contests/challenges over on WLS. It's a great way to get coins for extra upvotes, but let me know if you have no interest in challenges and want me to stop tagging you.
Ah sorry! It’s been a while since I checked steemit and whaleshares aside from replying to comments. I’ll get on that when I get home! Please tag me whenever you want, sorry I missed it! It’s been such a long period of transition, slowly starting to settle down now.
Well said! You pretty much captured the essence of "judgment" by making the distinction between discernment and judgment.
Technically speaking, we "judge" all the time, from the moment we step out of bed, from "do these jeans make me look fat?" to whether we should take a coat and umbrella, to whether the bus driver is driving safely. The problems don't really arise till judgment starts becoming a manipulation to change others against their will. Then we're moving over into criticism. And not of the constructive kind.
It's quite tricky, sometimes. As a minister and counselor, I am almost required to "judge" in certain ways, because people approach me seeking answers. Whereas it is not mine to "tell them what to do," part of my calling is do guide, which does involve a certain "judgment" of what is wheat and what is chaff in their lives.
Thanks for a thoughtful post!
Bright Blessings!
Yes, and it can be really hard to ride that line, especially if we really care how things turn out for someone. That's why it's so important to not get attached to results, even as we express an opinion meant to be constructive.
To be judgmental in a way that constructive criticism is being offered does have its benefits. All to often though being judgmental and offering advise does not come across as anything but negative criticism. Criticism comming from anyone can be hard to take espically from people whom we really do not know very well. To fill the need to be judgemental with acts of praise lets us take the higher road, which is the road to being comfortable in one's own skin. Great advice. The old saying do not throw stones when you live in a glass house, says it all. We all have faults and it would wiser to spend some time with a little introspection rather than look for faults in others!
So true. When we are focused on all that is wrong with others, we are not improving the one thing we can improve, ourselves!
You know, even with constructive criticism I've given up on it. My younger sister has been so different from all the rest of us, and it has caused her so much suffering. All my adult life I've been trying in vain to guide her along a more substantial path than what her hair and nails look like, but I've had to accept that there is no changing this about her. She really is a superficial person within a really "deep" family, and that's got to be ok. That's a specific example, but I think it speaks to the bigger point. When we judge others we are judging them by our standards of what is "best." But what if they are meant to live a completely different sort of life than what we think they should want? So I've given it up, and decided to leave god's work to god. Though I still harass my older sisters about their retirement accounts. I feel God is inspiring me to LOL.
lovely to see you, lovely to hear you, lovely to feel you! Nicely said!!! Discernment is such a good thing to distinguish as part of healthy judgement ... as you say the challenge is to know when it is being useful to us or not! Very happy to joined us this week! <3
Congrats on giving up smoking.. me next i think!
I am Grateful for this post!! xxx beautiful ending!
Thanks for the question and this wonderful collaboration between the various tribes! I appreciate having an idea to focus my thinking on. And so glad you enjoyed my answer!
Am I being too girly to say i Iike this color on you and your hair? Also you appear more relaxed in this video than your others. the Discerment aspect is a great point you bring up regarding judgment. thank you for this!
Thanks so much! This is actually one of my favorite colors. Unfortunately, it seems to also be popular with moths! Most of my sweaters this color have holes in them.
I think I may come off as more relaxed in this one because this is my second time shooting the same material. The first time the recorder malfunctioned and the audio and visual timing was off. So the second time I already kind of knew what I was saying and where I was going with it. LOL
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind comment.
I think sometimes people judge without knowing because they have a certain set mindset on how things need to be and when someone goes against the grain and challenges that assumption, they just find themselves responding in a way that is not suitable. I think they can learn to not judge by looking at how their actions affect others.
Well at least they can hopefully learn to not act on their judgments so quickly by seeing the effect of jumping to conclusions. It's hard to let go of judmentalism, but life gets so much better once we can.
Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. Nice to meet you.
Great video and discussion! We truly need to breakaway from these stereotypes and cultural learnings that are embedded in our tribal thinking. The push to become a collective society has gotten us far away from becoming individuals withbour own thoughts which leads to less creativity and innovation. I try to teach my daughter this every day but it is so tough given it is all around her...
I can only imagine how hard it is to convey to one's children the most important lessons that were so hard to learn in life. I think some things really can only be learned from experience, but we can plant seeds. I see myself doing it with my nieces and nephews all the time, wanting so badly to spare them having to learn the way I learned.
What I've settle on is to just model having freed myself to what degree I have been able to, while letting them know I'm available should they ever wish to discuss it. Every once in a while one of them actually takes me up on it and I get a text out of the blue. But then, I am the cool aunt, not the "official parents." LOL
I appreciated that you differentiated between judgement and discernment. That's something that's often missed.
When dealing with family or close friends, I think that even criticism can be a good thing. Like you said, it's the condemnation that's destructive. Criticism is discernment that is vocalized or presented to someone else. It's just letting them know you think something is wrong. Condemnation is telling them that it's wrong AND they're never going to be able to change it... so they're rejected/not good enough. That's not helpful or beneficial. Most of the "criticism" we see online nowadays is actually "condemnation."
If I'm doing something that's not in line with who I am or how I should be acting, I have friends who can come to me and tell me (critique/criticize) my behavior and remind me that I'm supposed to be doing better. It's a call to something more, not a verdict against me. Granted, I don't take criticism from everyone as not everyone knows my values or has earned the right to speak into my life like that. However, for those who have, I like the outside perspective to help me accomplish my goals.
Lastly, I think you're right on with your explanation of how to avoid (any) negative habit. You have to replace it with something else. Being thankful is a really good one. It's difficult to be thankful and condemning of something at the same time.
Thanks for an inspiring post. It was a chance for me to be contemplative about the nuances of a few different words and review what I thought about them. Have a great day!
You are fortunate to be open to criticism from some people and to have a family that is. I've found that with my family, everyone is too emotionally sensitive to take criticism. So I will advise folks in the areas where they know I have professional expertise they don't have, and they're open to that. But it's always hurt feelings no matter how I frame anything meant to be constructive criticism.
I'm glad you found this stimulating to useful contemplation for you. I love how we help one another with such perspectives and reminders. Glad to get to be a prompt for you today.
Ha ha ha, not all of my family members are open to it. Some are, but others prefer to make their own choices. Over the years, I've learned not to give my opinions/critique/advice to those who don't ask for it. It will just frustrate them and waste my time. I try to only give advice where it's going to be productive.
Ok... That is a good question...
You would expect it to have a good reason, but on the other hand, many things we do don't have a good reason (anymore)...
Posted using Partiko iOS
So true! We become a slave to our tools.