To judge or not to judge, that was the question! Many of you responded, and it was nice to see quite a few views and different aspects of this question. Overall i think we feel quite similar about this question, in that i think we can all see the pitfalls of judging others.. especially for superficial things and over small details. As a wise man once said, when you point the finger at others you have three fingers pointing back!Maybe for me that is a big part of why it is so nonsensical to judge others. As another wise man once said :"We are all being judged by someone who isn't even close to having their shit together!"
Thank you to all who took part this week.. nearly all these posts are gems and so im very happy i don’t have to try to judge or award prizes most weeks.. it is always an impossible task, and you all have so much to offer and share that the prizes seem pretty irrelevant by now!
Watch out for the next QOTW coming soon!
In Our Rush to Judge We Might be Missing Something.
In my late teens to early twenties I worked behind the bar of a rugby and football club. For a while we had a woman working there whose adult children would often come into the bar to drink when she was working.
Now the outward appearance of this family, probably wasn't what you'd consider the most appealing. Mum was very thin and ragged looking. Not sure how often her hair got brushed and her shoes were falling apart on her feet. The children had the look of… well I believe some referenced the movie “Deliverance”. I only remember two of the daughters distinctly, one had dark hair and one of her eyes pointed the wrong way. The other was an anomaly within the family, blonde and attractive. She stood out like a sore thumb, because she was nothing like the rest.
There is a good saying "How we Judge Others Is How We Judge Ourselves"
To an extent yes I do believe that we do judge people based on our own behavior and actions. We get into a judgmental mode very instinctively and instantly. Our thoughts and behavior is controlled by too many external factors. The curiosity to know someone even without knowing the person is there most of the time. So we get into judging and forming opinions based on the outer appearance i.e. body language and behavior. We relate the same with our's and do not shy off to make judgments.
How we judge others matter. A Bias or a Non-bias judgement is what matters. After we have made some judgement about someone, does it end there or do we keep going on in our mind with it. Can we maintain neutrality?
I agree with @ecotrain statement on we often be bias towards others in our judgement.
We filter what is 'right' and 'wrong' according to our own values, and think that our value/perceptions/opinions are the ultimate TRUTH and noble and everyone else is wrong.
How do I judge?
In the past I don't know myself well, I was lost and confuse and just follow the herd and just follow whatever everyone said their truths is.
I just become a chameleon and camouflage myself even if I think and feel that their truth not align and fit with me just because I don't want them to see me different/strange/crazy.
This is due to my upbringing and environment that I was raised in and mindset of the people that I have exposed to.
After discovered myself, know what my truth and purpose is, I'm aware that each of us has our own unique role in this lifetime, to balance everything in this planet Earth from our own unique lens of truth so it become sustainable in the long run for the future generation to live.
e make judgements all the time, it is a huge part of our survival here on earth, engrained in us from an early age. We need to do it, so that we can navigate our way in this life, judging situations and judging people. Finding which is the best way forward for us and who we actually want to have within our lives.
It would be unrealistic to expect someone not be judgemental. It is more about how we react to our judgements that actually having them in the first place.
When I was younger, I expected a lot more from the people that were in my life. Expecting them to know exactly what I needed and that they would meet those expectations without any verbal communication from me. Believing that if they really cared then they would know what I needed. Of course I was let down, and in those moments I judged them and their friendship to me.
How naive I was back then, with so many expectations and lacking the skills to actually inform others what they were.
Are you familiar with those words from other people? "Those who are always in the church are the one who are so judgemental."
Literally yes, most of the people who always hears the word from the bible are so judgemental. They are judgemental because they understand what is wrong from bad. I envy those people who are always going into church because their being so devoted. I wanted to do it but all I did was going to church sometimes.
I'm jealous of how they're being so determined in their faith. However their attitude are ruining their time going to church. If they already knew the bad from wrong. Then why they're being so judgemental? Instead of judging other people, why not guiding them? Remember that even your own family doesn't know the whole story of a person.
Don't tell me that criminals are good because before they made some crime they're showing good deed first. Lawyer as well because they'll free someone who made a crime? What might the victim thinks if the suspect will get free because the lawyer is good? Do you think the priest will be excluded in judgement because they understand the word of God in details? If we think like that it's better to stop spreading rumours to other people.
This week @ecotrain shakes our foundations when it throws in our faces a few truths that we thought we didn't share and we have them. And it turns out that we do things that we think are annoying or at least unintelligent to get through life in peace. However, we fall into error repeatedly or as he makes clear in his approach:
I think we take judgment for granted, and most of us do not really even realize we are judging half the time. I think that is because judgment is one of those things that we often do silently in our minds, with no check and no filter to guide it. It seems natural and normal to judge people according to the same values that we hold for ourselves.. but is that actually even a smart way to live?
Becoming a judge and part of the actions of others, by our standards is almost as normal as eating, dressing or sleeping. It comes naturally to us, even if we think we don't or think it's an afterthought, we tend to slip in situations that are not necessarily extreme. This is because it borders on the values we have grown up with and those we have cultivated.
A Fantastic QOTW
Even though I'm doing my fast in a location with notoriously bad connectivity and zero power, when I saw the Question of the Week that @ecotrain came up with this week, I couldn't resist. I just had to post a reply.
It's a very interesting topic that I almost feel I can't do justice to. The question is: Should we judge other people by our own standards? My instant reaction to this question was, why should we judge others in the first place, and if we do so, by who else's standards should we do it?
Growing out of the first communication challenges in Portugal this last week with the eco-village start up team, @eco-alex has generously offered a 4 week FREE Non Violent Communication workshop. So much incredible learning and growing to be had... please join in!
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