The Root of self-esteem - Sndbox Summer Camp Philosophy or Psychology or Sociology - Task Two

This article will explore the issue of self-esteem and the role of parents / educators in achieving it.

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The family, together with the school, is the main agency of training and socialization of a child , one of the pins on which to leverage to promote the integral well-being (physical, psychological, relational) of our children. The family for a child is the most important "place" for his safety, serenity, autonomy, the foundation on which his personality is built. Parents are, in fact, a basic reference element that allows the child, for good and "bad", to learn to find solutions to the problems that arise; to check if an action is effective or not; to listen and express their emotions, respecting those of others. And so much more. The family, therefore, is the melting pot in which, temperament, learning, attitudes, merge, adequately or dysfunctional, behaviors, emotions, thoughts, actions. And the parents constitute, whether they are aware of it or not, the example to which the children refer and with whom they will have to confront each other, either to confirm themselves in the family model, or to disconnect them. Unfortunately, however, sometimes parents do not constitute a similar model for their children in a conscious way, and establish a rigid, authoritarian, or permissive and tolerant educational system, based on their needs and not on the real, emotional needs, even before materials and social, of children. In this way, insecurities and feelings of inadequacy can be established from an early age, the basis of subsequent shortcomings in the sense of self-confidence.

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The Bases

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Psychologists agree that the insecurity is born in the child mainly because of an inadequate family environment. The usual story, it will be said, with which the parents of all the ills of the world are blamed! On the contrary: we can find valuable indications to provide the parental couple, each with its own characteristics of personality and gender, useful tools to strengthen the role of example for the growth processes of the offspring.

We provide a series of examples to illustrate how the attitude of the parent must always be based on supporting, esteeming, appreciating the child in his being a worthy and lovable individual: only afterwards can the child be accepted corrections or punishments without jeopardizing his or her own child sense of security and self-esteem!

The decision-making parent

A parent who has the inclination or the need to decide for everyone, perhaps because of practical needs of everyday life, or for "professional deformation", can also involuntarily fall this attitude on the children, deresponsorb them or simply not listening to them, not teaching them to make their own decisions gradually. This parent always believes he knows what is right for himself and his children, does not tolerate the long learning times of these that necessarily have to go through the small experiences that are essential from the early stages of growth to measure themselves with frustration and conflict.

The rigid parent
It is the very capable cognitively, rational and intelligent, safe and determined, but with little ability to adapt to new situations and to tolerate having to take into account the different ideas or small "défaillances" of children. This type of parents needs to control everything, to know everything in advance, to take account of things decided without risking to put anything in question. There is little room, in the mind of such a parent, for the variables brought by a child, less than ever for his needs for autonomy and self-determination.

The weak parent
He does nothing but listen and imitate other adults, adapting himself to those who are always better than him, a bit 'depressed and a little' scared by the choices that life forces him to take anyway. Would prefer the immobility, the non-choices, and then complain that others are always good and never him! The children, considered small and therefore incapable, are not a point of reference and are often not considered in their individuality. Rather, they can be used to cry on themselves, because they are not yet able to judge!

The superficial parent
Try to reach your goals hastily, just to get rid of the problem! The opinions of the child are not even heard, as they represent a diversion that costs too much to take into consideration. The important thing is to stay calm, postponing the decisions if not immediately resolvable, then get carefree in front of a fun or chat with someone else to distract further. The children are taken care of even materially well, but with almost total emotional absence.

The hedonist parent
Look, gym, food, clothing. That is: "Mom, you only think of the perfumes for you!" As the little girl of the old song murmured! Similar parents, often distracted and scarcely affective, convey the idea that security can only come from a young and beautiful body, there is no room for imperfections or for disharmony to be transitory in the evolutionary age. And then the children engage, get tired, limit ...

The insecure parent
Very often the insecurities of a parent are transfused into the psyche of the child making it in turn frightening and wavering: maybe not towards the same fears and insecurities of the parent, but equally deficient in terms of self-esteem. Doubts and uncertainties, especially with respect to one's own abilities, are transmitted with "maternal milk", that is from the first interactions with the parent who takes care of the child. In this sense, the studies on attachment are enlightening, with the formation of "patterns" that are re-projected from adults to other effectively important figures, such as in relationships.

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The example of educators on self-esteem processes

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We could continue with other types of parents who find it difficult to consider the child as a separate individual, who must train and grow on the basis of the example provided by the parents! It should be stressed once again, then, that self-esteem education finds its basis in the early years of developmental age, thanks to parents who take care of the child by teaching him how to appreciate himself even in the presence of frustrations; to have constancy in difficulties because surely there will be an adequate solution; to believe in oneself because in any case we have experienced the profound pleasure of being worthy and loved in every case. When the child then enters the school system, he will have to establish similar relationships of mutual respect and support from the educators who will gradually meet: and here, again, the personality and attitude of teachers and professors will be able to support the child and the boy to continue his development and self-esteem processes, or they can put him in crisis and demotivate it, especially if in the family these processes have been weak and ineffective at the same time. . As we can see, the responsibilities of educators (parents and teachers) are enormous precisely because they are based on direct learning: children, through empathic and imitative processes, learn directly from what they see, from the behaviors they witness daily, and not from the theory of the words with which we offer them many beautiful speeches, often however contradicted and denied by real behaviors. The child is a real sponge that can not but assimilate the emotions of the world in which he is immersed, so his brain learns.

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A reflection to conclude …

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Because they can genuinely gain confidence and confidence in the world around them, children must be able to count on empathic and authentic educators, who are able to admit their difficulties without proving to be anxious or insecure about it. The courage to be authentic oneself, able to face problems in search of possible solutions, without being considered unworthy and inadequate is the best example we can provide to the children we must teach that each of us is, always, an individual worthy of love and consideration!