thank you @humanearl :) and I am in a much better place i still live at home with my family but my mindset is much better :) growing up I had a lot of questions to why but eventually I found them out and you just need to let things happen but never lose hope, I always have a saying that if your are born unfortunate and if you die unfortunate its going to be your fault and you have no one else to blame but yourself because you had a lifetime to change it. and thank you for supporting people like us ,you give a human side here at steemit that people really need