THE TRUTH OF A GIRL WHO ONCE BELIEVED IN FAIRY TALES

For the first time in my life, I'm giving up on love. No, scratch that- I've given up on love. There is just so much a heart can take- even the biggest of them. I have always been one to encourage people to love, to dare to be happy again, to brace themselves and leap without fear... And if they hit the stone cold ground and break into smaller pieces, to gather those pieces, put them back together, climb to the edge of the clip and leap again.

I wasn't one who practised not what I preached. No, I was one who set the trail blazing, and every time I prepared for another leap, my body still designed with band aids covering injuries from the past, they looked at me in awe and foolery. I smiled back in cheer giddiness. It was who I was was. I had known love and I had come to see that love didn't hurt, people did.

Perhaps, I still believe in love, but lately, I had my last fall and the pieces this time, too scattered, too many, to put back together. The light has gone out of me. I have lost my strength, I have lost my faith. And if I ever succeed in putting these pieces back together, I only want to stay in a corner and lick my wound. Maybe, cuddle into a ball and cry the pain out, purge the hurt. Yet I know that wouldn't take it away, it never does. Just time..I would give it time, and maybe next time, instead of leaping for someone, I would fly for me... No arms are ever there to catch me anyways- or hold me for long, when they do.

I guess I haven't given up on love itself, I've just given up on trying to find it in people. This cycle, it's maddening. Over and over again. I meet someone, they say and do all the right things, I think this time, it's for real. Forgetting my past aches, I jump. And I'm caught. Only to be thrown away, so carelessly- without a second glance- on the stony, cold rocks. And when I lay bleeding and scattered, those lips which once professed forever, they remain in a tight line. And those eyes that once looked upon me with love, they turn away.

I am tired. I am tired of being left with unkept promises, empty dreams, aching heart and broken pieces. I am tired of giving someone my ALL, and getting crumbs in return. I am tired of making someone my forethought, and being merely, his afterthought. I'm tired of half-assed apologies that only spill from the gut, not the heart. I deserve more. Women like me, they don't make them so well anymore. Yet what can I do? Diamonds are rare, but many prefer washed up bronze.
So, next time another comes calling with the right words and the right deeds, I'll remember that the others began just the same. And when he says he is different, I'll remember that the last said the same. And yes, he was different- he broke me, differently.

Pixabay

This is my truth!

The truth of a girl who once believed in fairytales.