Fiction News - The Times Of War Gazette - Pilot Issue

Conflict Zones Demilitarized Due To Cartels Buying Out Weapons En Mass

At Least Seven African Kings' Armies Back To Sticks And Stones - They Say They Have Been Made Offers They Just Couldn't Refuse

An unexpected time of peace has come to 'hot' regions in Africa and in the Middle East last week as local warlords' heavily armed contingents have been accidentally maneuvered into 'taking a break'.

Experts point to last Monday as the beginning of, I quote, 'The greatest economical revolution the XX century never knew and the XXII century never will', end of quote, when dozens of Jumbo Jets flying under the Panamanian flag landed on a private land strip in the backyard of a modest mansion, belonging to the cousin of the prince of Murdergaskar.

According to eyewitnesses, from the crates supposedly containing food and medical supplies there appeared, I quote, 'Scores of gentlemen in nice suits, complemented with Fedora hats, and carrying musical instrument cases', end of quote. Said cases seem to have been full of bearer bonds, American dollars, crypto, and untraceable Tony's Pizza vouchers. The gentlemen have since been making offers no one seems to have been able to refuse.

'War is profitable for sure, but profit is more profitable...', states a certain king of the Democratic Whereveruanda who preferred staying anonymous. 'With guns you control the country. You control what goes in, what goes out of everybody's pocket. But not much goes in, lately. So not much goes out. It's a long-term investment, dictatorship. And so is fairly ruling country. I let my people speak for me. But I say, "Learn from the best". And the best is the richest. And the richest here are those who sell weapons. So when offer came with men from crates, I say "Give me offer I can't refuse" (this is my original, be sure to quote!). And those men crazy, they pay ten times more than what weapons cost. And they get crazier by the day. Wishing I had more weapons to sell. Now, we'll be fine with stick and stone. We are tough people. Have a banana, please...'

It is more than obvious, if I say so... just kidding... it is more than obvious as you can see for yourselves, that warlords across the continent have chosen to sell all their weapons back to the entrepreneurs who would ship them off across the Atlantic. And to wherever a drug war is fought, perhaps? Not implying anything, just saying what's on everybody's mind.

The only monarch-colleague of quoted king, who would not remain anonymous and give a press conference in times of surprising and brutal peace, was King T'Challa whom I quote: 'We said to those goons we'll never sell vibranium. Wakanda is not easily bought or bullied.' I guess that says a lot.

Not so across the Channel. Rumor has it that certain 99.99 % of the richest sheikhs have not only agreed to sell their weapons, but also have proposed to invest in building arms producing factories and distilleries (for science and medical purposes only, since the Holly Book forbids that Arab word that starts with 'Al-') against a percentage. All sheikhs
that the brave reporters of 'The Times Of War' Gazette have been able to talk to claim to be among the other 0.01 %. We are still waiting to learn the whereabouts of another shipment of reporters expected to arrive on the spot.

Speaking of shipments, there have been complaints filed by pirates from all over the Globe, claiming that unexpected potential hostages, coming out of crates, have been behaving very bad, often times abducting their would be kidnappers. Which has initiated a wave of voluntary unemployment among pirates and, hence, more world peace.

'They may call me many things, but I am a good man. A visionary. I dream of peace and prosperity. My prosperity and the peace of everybody who would pay for it. Or even get paid for it, as recent examples from a lot of counties have shown last week, says for an exclusive interview for 'The Times Of War' Gazette the famous entrepreneur and philanthropist known to the audience as El Patron. 'The way I see thing, me and my family, we run a charity cause, the funds being raised are used to buy weapons. Not for but from those in need. We also create a lot of job opportunities... A-ha-ha, nice joke! No, I wouldn't say those positions are for people who are into hurting other people. Such behavior is what many would call incriminating. We're not into that. What? Ah... movie industry, of course. Those guys are all extras, yes, we prepare them for cinematographic productions.'

El Patron is also giving the opportunity to readers and potential sponsors who would contribute to the world peace charity cause to look up the [LaFamilia] Foundation on the worldpeace (sometimes mistakenly called drugwars) Discord
server.

A link to another way of joining the worldpeace (and totally not drugwars) initiative will be provided below this most objective article of ours. Using it you also fund the future issues and media monopoly of 'The Times Of War' Gazette. Remember! Each subscription can eventually turn into a weapon bought from a child and replaced with the realistic promise of a scholarship.

Free Announcement

(meaning an employee has volunteered to stay at the office and not return home to his or her spouse for dinner)

'The Times Of War' Gazette is passively looking for volunteers. New cadets... trainees... achem... trainees and other optimistic young, preferably female, not necessarily, though, and resourceless... resourceful people who would work hard for the benefit of few... the whole community. As we say here, public opinion matters and we Are the public. If you are idealistic, you burst full of energy, you can make good coffee, you are not above fetching the occasional hot dog - for me... the... m-a-n-a-g-e-m-e-n-t... or hot case - for fame and glory (what was the difference, again?), even when risk is guaranteed... involved, then... Ah, ****! haven't thought about it yet. I must totally edit that, they will otherwise know I am nobody.

DO NOT PUBLISH

The link we promised: https://staging.drugwars.io/#!/ref/@manoldonchev

Yours,

Manol Donchev,
editor
Editor in Chief for 'The Times Of War' Gazette (It's understood, right? ... Right?)

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