so bummed I missed DITO - but was in the throes of energetic excitement with a certain developer that you know!!! hehehehe so thankful that you introduced us ;)
now... your post - wow. well - it's not even wow because I've grown used to learning a lot of wow lessons in your posts hehehehe
but here is something interesting! When I read all of your examples for the cultural invalidation cliches.... i have found peace in every single one of them!!! LOL
I usually search for silver linings - I love that it has happened, because there IS a reason (for me, my faith), that phases do come and go... that in time - we DO often learn... hehehehe
i could go on!
now - I will say this. If the person is using them haphazardly and to dismiss the person's experience - yes. invalidating.
but if the person is using it to connect with them... i find it not only validating but reassuring to remember those truths.
(this is all very personal - and maybe you talked more about it in the show and I missed it! hehehe)
but - I loved the post. such a good challenge to watch how we respond to others... be sensitive... be responsive... be observant.
good reminders for me :)
We missed you! I know you have a lot going on - I was in the kitchen with @worthtrying listening and trying to be quiet as we had a little giggle fest going on.
I agree with everything you said. It would depend on the context and situation, the person. However, I say some of these same things constantly. It helps reassure and give hope and they happen to be true...there is usually a silver lining! Smile was another one on this list that I thought, 'huh?' Smile is invalidating? But, yes, it can be if said by someone using it to dismiss a feeling a person is having. It's like I was telling Pen, some of this can be construed as hyper-vigilant IMHO - I think that emotional intelligence is the key - so we don't want to 'avoid' language that makes us feel and deal with emotions either - even those feelings of invalidation. Because in the perfect world, you want to get to the place that your inner validation is stronger than outer noise.
But certainly a lot of stronger invalidation language is used that does affect people in deep and devastating ways.
I just posted a few examples from the library - it is much more detailed and enlightening to read it in it's entirety - I would have had a very, very long post so I just skimmed the surface. But I found it very useful and we've been playing with it as a family - telling each other, "You're amazing!" Look at how you ate that sugar cookie so fast, that is soooo amazing!" ;) hehe
Yes, it helps to be aware and more sensitive to how we all interact.
Much love!
P
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