Boudica is an English Bulldog. She's 8 weeks old and joined our family today.

Introducing her to the established pack

I've got a male bullmastiff (Trevor) and a female English Bulldog (Nelly). Although the human members of the pack are excited and happy to welcome Boudica, we're not naïve; we know that dogs view new pack members as a pain in the arse, especially if they happen to be hyperactive pups!

The first hour or so was a bit hairy. Nelly (the Bulldog) was extremely curious, sniffing and prodding. The pup was rightly terrified and pancaked to the floor. Trevor had a sniff, realised he couldn't eat or fuck it, and went about his business.

Fun and manners

Pups just wanna have fun. Boudica doesn't yet know about house rules or manners. This is something she'll learn over the next few weeks. And it's gonna be a steep learning curve.

Rules

The older dogs will teach her that it's NOT OK to:

• Tit about too near to me
• Try to eat from my bowl
• Bite my face or ears or tail
• Bark at me while I'm sleeping
• Cuddle up to me
• Take my toy

It sounds harsh but that's just how dogs are. We – the human pack – will be there to help Boudica, Trevor and Nelly adjust to the new family dynamics. It'll take a while for things to settle down so I'm expecting quite a lot of drama (and dog shit) over the next few weeks.

Training

I'm going to be using the clicker method. The dog is conditioned to feel good every time she hears the click sound. I start by giving her a lick of liver pate or peanut butter when I press the clicker.

The dog soon starts to associate the sound with a delicious treat. When she's hooked on the reward, I introduce the click sound to accompany welcome behaviour, such as toileting in the appropriate place. I've found this to be the quickest, most efficient, way to train dogs. Gradually, I withdraw the treat but only when the proper behaviour is well established.

I'll also be using the clicker to reinforce acceptable behaviour in the other dogs. They'll get a click/treat when they refrain from beasting the new pup.

Safe space

The older dogs will be given a 'safe space' when Boudica gets on their nerves. No, I don't mean we'll refrain from swearing, or racism, or misgendering in their presence. I mean I'll give the dogs somewhere to go for a bit of peace. Everyone needs a break from pups; dogs are no different.

Food

It's vital to give dogs adequate nutrition. So many people feed their dogs junk food in the form of tinned slop or highly processed kibble. Admittedly, I've fallen prey to this kind of lazy convenience during busy spells. Now, however, I'm going to be feeding my dogs only raw meat and raw bones from a reputable online supplier. This is what they evolved to eat and is the most healthy food for them. It drives me crazy to read about dogs on vegan or vegetarian diets. Those poor poor dogs.

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The name, Boudica

She's named after Boudica, a Celtic Warrior Queen of ancient England. It also happens to be a character in the kids' cartoon: Horrid Henry – one of the reasons it passed the Approval Committee. The other reason being we can shorten the name to 'Boo'.

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