Divorce
In a miserable marriage ? What do you do ? If you can’t work it out, then you are left with no other option but divorce right? If you are no longer with this person that makes you miserable, you will be happy right ? Not necessarily. I went thru a long and horrible divorce, and I’m not happy. This is what I thought I wanted, but it’s not easier. I almost feel like it would have been easier to stay married. I cannot provide things for my children like I did when I was married. We sold our house and barely pay the bills. First vacations and going out. On top of that, my kids miss their father more now then they did before. I think they blame me for the divorce. For giving up on my marriage. I just can’t keep up. I have to work full time now, whereas before I worked part time. So my time with my children has been cut down. Maybe I wouldn’t have been happy staying in that marriage, but my kids would have been.
What a tough tough subject.
I think I learned the most from a close friend of mine over a drink when the subject got to her divorce. She hit me with the most sobering look and tone of voice and said something along the lines of, "if you knew what I know, you would find a way to make it work. Divorce solved none of the problems I was facing and just created a whole lot more of them"
Her saying this was probably more for her benefit as I was never even considering this for my marriage and she probably needed to relay the advise as a way to have some benefit from the hard lesson she learned.
You have to keep your eye on the prize which is personal happiness and roll with the punches as a good example for your kids. If it was not this challenge, another one would have been thrown at you. Showing a good example of making the best of it and persevering no matter what the challenge is will help you get through it, and be a strong role model for the kids as well.
What ifs are useful in analyzing the lessons learned but regret can be damaging. Whenever I am stuck and brooding, I usually find I am concentrating on the problem rather than the solution.
I hate to hear this but know that getting perspective of others does help.
The problem with my marriage was that only I was willing to work on it. He didn’t think he had any flaws, everything was my fault. I was originally planning on dealing with it until at least the children got older, but I decided I had enough. But in retrospect I solved nothing. I’m still dealing with him bc of my children. When you have children with someone they will be in your life always , especially until they become adults. And now I’m just suffering.
hello there I just followed your blog. I also replied to one of your replies.
It is true we can't provide for our children as when we are married. It sounds like you needed the divorce and even wanted it. It is true that we need more after we break up with someone. It can be incredibly lonely and it can definitely change our lives. And it can feel like being married is easier than being divorced. Being alone can be really hard. I live with a roommate who cares about me and I have a lover and I still feel very lonely inside because I am still dealing with issues from my past that I am working on them and I look forward to feeling better later on and sometimes I still feel better in certain moments and that's wonderful and I hang on to them as hard as I can. I wish you peace and serenity and I do wish you better times ahead. And I know you can figure out how to be happy on your own; I believe in you.
Love from Carol on steemit
It’s hard. This is what I wanted . I even dated, but it’s not the same. It is the kids that break my heart. They aren’t happy having Mom and dad living in two different homes. They see their father more now than they did when we were together , but they don’t see it that way. I almost feel like they blame me for it. I don’t know. They are still young. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that as they get older they will start to understand better.