Keys to the new Home

in #diary2 years ago

By MasterTux on

So, today we finally got the keys to our new home.

That sounds very positive and very non-stressful at first, but oh boy this day chewed me through and spit me out, just to chew on me again.

But let’s begin from the start, shall we?

We had been told we’d be receiving the keys today (originally, it was the 17th, but things happen). No exact time given but hey, probably in the morning or early afternoon, right?

To be able to leave the AirBnB once we move in, we went to Ikea the day before, picked out a bed and scheduled for next-day delivery in the afternoon. No big deal.

So, Thursday morning came, and we waited for an email from our solicitor. Nothing. Thursday noon came and @reggaemuffin emailed him. No updates. Ikea informed us our bed would arrive between 3pm and 4 pm, which sounded manageable.

Around 1 pm we decided to walk into the town to grab something to eat. Ikea informed us that our bed would arrive between 2:30 pm and 3:30 pm. No new messages from the solicitor. I kept refreshing the emails every few … milliseconds.@suesa

2 pm, Ikea informed us our bed would arrive between 2:11 pm and 3:11 pm. I check the map. The delivery van has entered our town. We ask the restaurant to make our cheese fries (no, not fries with cheese, fries made from cheese. Bit like mozzarella sticks but different) to-go and we hurry to the auctioneer office to ask for the keys.

The auctioneer phones our solicitor and the vendor’s solicitor, they’re being told that an email confirming they can hand over the keys is on its way.
Ikea informs us that the delivery van has finished its last delivery before ours and arrival is imminent.

I leave @reggaemuffin behind and start walking quickly towards the house, in a dress and impractical sandals, holding the cheese fries. 25 minutes by foot.

After 5 minutes, the running @reggaemuffin catches up with me and takes the cheese fries so that I can run too. The driver of the delivery van calls, I ask him to wait 15 minutes. I’m not sure if he understood, I hate phone calls. I hope for the best.

At almost 3 pm, we arrive at the house and are greeted by the delivery men, who promptly carry our stuff upstairs and leave again. This ended a lot less stressful than it had started.

With the keys in our hands and the delivery of the bed successful, @reggaemuffin left to get us the most important thing: internet.

In the meanwhile, I carried our stuff from the AirBnB to our house. Being lazy and not wanting to walk 4 times (2 suitcases plus 2 Ikea bags with pillows, blankets, all the stuff they refused to deliver), I walked only twice and regretted it deeply. A 10 minutes’ walk might not be long, two times 18 kg might not be that much, but the combination?

Let’s just say I might skip gym tomorrow.

On the bright side, three little girls told me I look like a princess (Elsa, specifically), and the super shy rescue dog of our new neighbor sniffed my hand (“OMG she NEVER approaches anyone!”).

With all the stuff in the house, all that was left was assembling the bed.


Technically, you’re supposed to do it with two people. The instructions say so, and a good biologist knows to follow protocol.

In reality scientists are stubborn dumbasses and I assembled that shit all by myself.

The first steps were a bit difficult, because the bed frame is apparently the part where you need two people. But hey, long arms and legs have to be useful for something, am I right?


The slatted frame (weird word) followed, and it had to be secured with a surprising amount of screws. While screwing them in, the “cheat rhyme” to remember what direction to turn kept replaying in my head. No, none of that weak “righty tighty, lefty loosy” stuff. I’m German. We say “Solang das Deutsche Reich besteht, wird die Schraube rechts gedreht!“

Go translate that yourself.


All that was left was the mattress, blankets and pillows.

The mattress attacked me when I freed it from its plastic wrap and one of the pillows hit me in the face. Maybe I had become to full of myself, after assembling most of the bed? Was my hubris being punished? Or was it already 9:30 pm and I was too tired to pay enough attention?

Probably all of the above.

But in the end, I succeeded.


Tá sé foirfe.

Tomorrow, it’s Ikea again, to pick out the rest of the furniture. I won’t make an extensive post for every piece. Maybe I won’t make any posts at all.

Maybe I’ll flood you with more bumblebee butt pictures.

Stay tuned.

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