It's been long since I wrote in my journal: Diary entry # 6

_{My parents at my dad's convocation 🎓 just after their wedding}

I am so emotional today, rather for the last couple of days. It's like I am all over the place. I can't put my finger on what's making me like this. I'm snapping at kids for no reason. I don't know if it's hormonal or what... But I'm neither pregnant nor it's the time of the month. Then what? There was a prayer in our club today, and I'm not the one to cry easily. Somehow, I don't feel emotional when someone else is praying... But today I couldn't help crying. It was more like silent crying with tears just flowing and never wanting to stop.

Maybe I am missing my parents, or maybe I miss that feeling of belonging to their home. I am very happy in my married life. But sometimes the nostalgia is so great that it turns into melancholia. They are aging, and I can't come to terms with the fact that they are not the same strong persons anymore. No I don't want to cry again. I just want to write it down so that my emotions can get a release!

_{I think my dad is instructing my elder brother to get the camera to right angle and we both are squinting in winter's sun}

We are not perfect human beings, nor are our parents. They have their flaws and shortcomings. It really is a revelation when we get to know that they were never the superheroes that we thought they were. They were and are just as vulnerable as us.

I know, I know, I should have listened to my daughter when she came home from school, wanting to share all the important details of her day. Instead, I asked her to go shower and change first. Why would I do that? They come home from school so emotionally charged, and I should let them recalibrate and soothe their nerves. But it's like the schedule is always running around the clock, as if every minute matters. And I just snapped at her for not listening. But then, I reminisced that sometimes mom used to do the same. When I wanted to tell her things and she was so busy with cooking or chores. And now? Now she has more time than me, and it's like I don't have the energy or leisure for that. Yes, you heard it right. I don't have the energy for that. I can't even relate to her problems sometimes when I should. It's like we are living in two different worlds now. But there was a time when my whole world revolved around her.

I know my thoughts might seem scattered, but if you stumble upon this journal of mine, I hope it resonates with you and brings a sense of warmth. You are not alone. This mix of emotions is purely human. You will definitely relate to the times when you used to confide in them with every trouble, and now? You have matured or maybe grown up so much that all you do is protect your parents from any emotional trauma and don't share any of your worries with them. It's now the other way around!

I am really sorry if I made you sad with my text. It's just that I find solace in the act of writing, as if each stroke of the pen brings me closer to peace. In these moments of vulnerability, I am reminded of the power of expression and the healing it can bring. So, I write, not to dwell in sadness, but to find light in the darkness and to embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. Thank you for understanding!

Signing off for tonight,
Maan

_{My beautiful mom with my younger brother}