Having a "bad moment" seems sometimes a taboo sometimes sadly because we are not only ashamed of reaching out but because of embarassment, sometimes people assert blatantly they don't want to deal with your moodiness or they show you so... I'm overall a rather cheerful person... but I deal with some health issues so I tend to be physically tired (health of the body also ends up affecting your mind because you are aware your endurance or your performance is not what it should be and have stalled many dreams while I'm on the mend). But I know tons of sorrow and grief and I get down, maybe not really depressed (I struggle to wake up though some days, as if waking from my dreams were a punishment, especially if I dream of things lost) so I wondered for a while but I usually find my feet and strength to stand up and convey those dismal thoughts into art. Yes I know a lot about sadness and longing and mourning. But I've coped with the fact of needing to belong, of worse even, thinking people cared for me when they obviously did not. Like they're there for the good times and not for the times you need comfort... People that do care will always find you without having even to ask to be reached... And I'm grateful to all the ones that did care to reach out when I was in distress during my life. And grateful to all who didn't because sometimes I found a way to become stronger on my own. This issues are personal and different on everyone, I have felt alarm sometimes at my thoughts and I had the will to halt them there...
I find comfort in Nature, animals, being part of a whole... and I don't feel the urge to belong to "people" so much. I welcome those who love me for what I am, and I don't force any of those that don't bother about it. I'm comforted tears hugging a tree. Yet it's true, we sometimes need to talk... but also I've regretted many times afterwards I chose the wrong people to confide my concerns, I don't like to close the doors of my soul, so I expose happily myself every time... vulnerable as it is...
@yidneth you always know the perfect thing to say! There is so much good information in this comment, thank you so much for sharing. I wish more people would realize that we all have bad moments or bad days and no one should be judged harshly for that. Even if you don't struggle with physical or mental ails you can still have a bad day so should be able to relate (at least in part) to a struggle that someone else faces.
I do like the point that you made about mind-body connection because that is something that not everyone thinks of. I don't always put it together in my own life.
Your art and music is soulful and beautiful while bringing so much to the world. I'm grateful that you are able to translate your dismal thoughts into wonderful artwork that we can all benefit from. We all need an outlet to vent whatever we need to get out. I use writing as my outlet because I am gifted in this area.
It can be difficult sometimes to figure out who to trust with our feelings and who to avoid. I can understand that challenge. I have trusted the wrong people in the past and have ended up branded "crazy" if I disagreed with someone about something. "What do you know? You're crazy anyway." Meh. Their loss because we are AWESOME! And they are missing out on this awesomeness haha :)
Sometimes strength is found in adversity when we didn't think we could survive something or figure things out on our own. You are a sensitive woman with a passion for nature rather than people. I have been contemplating moving out of the city myself for quite some time because I am not really wanting to socialize with people anymore. Now give me some deer to talk to and I'm all set!
I appreciate your vulnerability because it makes you unique and so easy to love. Thank you, my friend, for such wisdom and insight that you shared!
Ivy
When I was a child, barely a wee thing I watched what for me is still my favourite movie... The Dark Crystal... apparently a children's movie it taught me all light and all shadow is uneven, uncomplete, the gentle mystics represented all that was good and the skeksis our flaws... but at the end of the movie, "healing" the crystal was "merging" them both into a whole.
So, though yes I'm ather clownish muppety rat (my friends call me The Fraggle Princess) but I can get really sad... I still mourn my dog after almost 15 years... and yes I cry for her, and I smile grateful for having had her, and I welcome that sorrow because it means it was true "care" and love and It just says I miss it.
I never feel anger though... guess if that is a flaw for example...
But fear and sorrow, yes those are ones I'm familiar with
befriend your fear and it won't drag you down lots of my art conveys the significance of fear, of their warning... and at the end what they have taught me. The third album is Fear no More
But if you love something, you fear to lose it, you miss to lose it as much as you enjoy to love it. Always the balance of things to what's even.
I'm kind of quiet person, I love animals... and forest, and rescuing bees... and I tend to be silly but with underlying bit shy nature... but that doesn't mean I don't love people... I've been blessed by so many lovely friends... and precisely because I never pretended to be anyone else but me, those are long-term enduring loving ones I treasure.
I have met amazing people (even online where you would think you have to be more cautious because you don't know well, or they don't know you well... and you are exposed to things) yet still I don't usually shield. I do not take vulnerability for weakness.
But it's true I tend to be a quiet one, and sometimes all I need is to hug a tree, to listen the birds chirping, to feel I'm whole because I'm part of it "all", another piece in the wonderful living being this world is. A speck of life... maybe small but significant... as everyone elses.
I have heard of that movie before but have never watched it myself, maybe I should! Dogs are amazing creatures that love unconditionally and bring so much love into our lives that I don't blame you for still missing your girl. You have shared pictures of her in the past and she was a beauty that looked like she loved you very much :)
Lately I don't really feel anger either, I feel more disappointment in situations that used to make me really angry. I think I have moved away from a position of anger into more acceptance that things are the way they are.
I like that "befriend your fear and it won't drag you down," it makes so much sense but I've never seen it put like that before. I feel like I use that in my writing but I've never really thought about it in those terms. I just write what comes to my mind and heart.
You are such a sweet and intuitive soul, the world is lucky to have a spirit such as yours that feels so deeply and desires to help other souls.
Deep connections with great friends are what life should be about. I prefer to have a handful of amazing friends vs a ton of friends that are surface level relationships.
I'm sitting here listening to it pouring down rain outside and reading this. Nature is beautiful to be part of and to take time to appreciate. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness that you have shared!
Ivy
Pouring rain can be a relaxing thing, with hot soup and tea... sounds comforting... I sometimes don't let it stop me from going outdoors... I just take my umbrella or a raincoat and it's quite interesting to just walk under the rain without caring much to get wet.
Yes, long time ago I found the difference between acquaintances and friendship... You don't see a friend in a long time, but you smile everytime you meet... you always care and are happy for them when things go right... And they don't have to be many... just significant. But I've been blessed with so many insanely talented friends... that I feel part of many different worlds... theirs too...:)
Yes, I've made this project "Fear no More" so that quote is from the lyrics of the song A Door Ajar. All the three CDS are connected but this last one is more a journey of acceptance... like the night horrors I drew menacing in the first album are now invisible friends...
I don't know if I'm intuitive, at least I think I observe, but I'm kind of naive sometimes too...
But well that allows me to feel happy with the flutter of a butterfly
I have two dogs so I sometimes take them outside in the rain to play and they love it! They don't like the bath that they get after getting wet and muddy but they love playing in the rain! Tea is one of my first loves. I will sit down with some tea anytime. When it's hot outside here I just add some ice to it :)
I have a handful of people in my life that I call family even though we're not biologically related because they are my best friends and have been there through all the ups and downs.
You have a big following on YouTube as well, right? I think Serena had mentioned it before. I love your music and need to make a point of listening while I work! Your voice is soothing.
I think we are all naive sometimes so you aren't alone in that. You have a big heart that loves to give to others and I pray that you will always be rewarded for your sweet spirit.
Ivy
Serena and I knew each other in 2002 in a site called mp3 dot com. Dino was also there and Hector my partner...! It's funny how Steemit has reunited us all. And we all still find comfort in music... I'd say that's a success so far. !
Aw, thanks for the compliment, I would not say I have a huge following on youtube XD, I've neglected it a bit for too long, but among all all social networks yes I have my following mostly off chain still.
But as with "friends" you don't need such a huge following but a significant and fair amount of supporters... they don't have to be many but "caring"... and I think I'm still blessed with that.
For a decade I released my independent CDs and toured and lived off my art... so I had a reasonable success (within my non mainstream genre). Good things of doing something that is niche (like fantasy music) is that most of the artists in the genre get to have a name in it, at least after two decades.
I had to stall things a little due to health but slowly finding my feet again. Music was always very healing to me and is the main reason to create it. I always say that the success is to still have that dream in your hands and that dream still means something... for me is enough and I still have that :) it's not a small thing to have :) So sometimes step forwards lead you to make steps back... or apparently so. My goals now are humble, release my third illustrated music project, heal, create...
And have my dogs and ratties again somewhere green :)
tea yes, tea and coffee both... I'm a lady with a mug most of the time...
I love hot soup on winter rainy days (in a mug too)
That is so funny that you all have found each other again on Steemit! I'm glad you did because you are all wonderful people. Thank you for sharing so much of your life. I love hearing stories about people's lives. Thank you for being so sweet and a new online friend <3
Ivy