im introducing myself

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I suffer from depression. I never told my relatives most especially my mom and dad. My mom is kind of "not believing" in this kind of stuff. Well, i'm not saying she's bad or whatsoever but its just the way she is and i can't do nothing about it.

I'm really afraid of what they would say to me. But what i mostly hear with same cases like me are:

"That's ridiculous"
"You're crazy"
"You're just acting"
"Bitch, wake up"
"Hahaha mental illness"

and so on and so forth..

I know i'm strong. But i'm to that point where i'm getting numb as time goes by. People won't understand you, unless they feel it too.

I love my family. But I cannot love myself. I want to, but i can't find the things that i should love in myself. I hate myself for being me. I hate myself because I became the daughter of this two good person in the world. It breaks my heart to be me.

I know there's a lot of people who feels the same way too. There's much more out there who suffers harder than I do.

I still hope for that day that maybe I could have those genuine smiles like what others have. A smile i'm not afraid to show the world and that smile that i won't have to ask myself if I deserve it.