Hey Brian, this is a really touching video and topic. I am sorry your grandma was suffering for the last while. That's so tough. But, i agree with you, it was a huge blessing you had time to be with her in that last month. To make special memories and to say thank-you and good-bye to her. I really admire your bravery and realness in sharing. This is a blessing for me, and i will take a bit of time to share my current state in hopes too of offering myself opportunity to process and to let go of my grieving. Which i have been praying for an opportunity to do and kinda feel like this is it.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death. It's been 16 years since his untimely passing. Oddly enough, his name was Brian. He was 54. He died tragically in a car accident. I was away traveling on my own in Costa Rica at the time. A piece of my soul is still there actually. It was the most tragic time in my life. Being torn away from freedom in paradise to return to bitter cold and completely foreign territory to face my dad's death. (Literally it was the coldest winter in Saskatchewan history that March) I had just received a severance package from a great job and was in my early 20's. Was dating a man 12 years my senior. I returned to the airport, he was there to pick me up. My instincts screamed 'keep walking' to leave this man. I was in such turmoil, and consumed by my mind and emotions. Really, unprepared to process the grief and unknown territory ahead of me that i did not heed that inner wisdom. I was pregnant within days.

And, lived a life of turmoil and a fuck load of struggle for the next 15.5 years. Until, last summer. I was given a new lease on life. A second chance. My prayers were answered. I was rear ended in a high speed collision in the middle of the summer. Multiple breaks to my spine and other bones. Traumatic brain injury -- a world of hurt. Being completely dependent for many months. The man, now my husband, and father of our two children could not handle my needines in such a compromised state. It was very traumatic again, and, i had to leave him. Again, an answer to my prayers. Due to the abusiveness of the relationship, i do not know how else i would have left. I wouldn't have.

Fast forward 8 months to now. Through my dedication to my health, and yoga over those 15.5 years, i'd built a foundation that was supple, strong and capable. Miraculously, i will be able to heal and to transform my life from all that. Granted, there's lots to heal! But, it's remarkable the progress with the right environment & community.

My dad taught me to 'be myself' to do what i want. Not what everyone else thought/ expected me to do. Sadly, social pressures in childhood took me far from myself and, i had to wade through the brainwashing of being material and debt minded. But, at least i have done that work! And, am free of it now.

I wonder, just wonder, if more people just were allowed to show emotion, as you have here, and share in these critical moments --how much more peaceful life could be?

Thank-you for creating and holding space. I really believe overall, life is beautiful and good. And, that is my message and the reason why i did not exit this life last summer. To live! And, to share these teachings.

Blessings & Gratitude,
Your Grandma, my Dad -- they are so proud of us.

Love, Jill. 🐇🐶🐱💙💚💜