You Wanna Do WHAT With Me When I'm Dead!

I dunno, sometimes my mind goes off on things that have no relation to whatever I was thinking a few minutes ago.

Anyhow, here I am driving home with my other half and I said to her, "Ya know, when I buy the farm I don't want any funeral or be dropped into some cold deep hole to decay for years."

To which she replied, "What made you think about THAT!"

To which I replied, "I dunno, I think it may have been something to do with all the insanity over the recent election and how I've had to unfriend people and not make any comments on social media either way."

To which she replied, "So what the hell does that have to do with being buried?"

To which I replied, "Well, first of all I don't want anyone to know I'm gone. Let them figure it out. And secondly, being buried, along with dying, is a total waste of time and money."

My logic is this. Burials are a waste of time and money, as I just stated above if you were paying attention. Time and money are for the living. Because, obviously, if you're dead, you need neither one.

So, with that in mind, I personally, as I told my other half, want to be burned to a toasty crisp and then put into a nice cozy little box, kinda like the ones premium cigars come in, then put on a shelf next to our two deceased cats, who are also in neat little boxes, until such time that she buys the farm.

Then, when we're all gone, assign someone to mix all the ashes together, go out to the backyard and scatter them.
After all, I busted my ass mowing the freakin' lawn for years so why shouldn't I have my final resting place there along with those I love.

Besides, if there is an afterlife, perhaps I, or we, might come back in one form or another, (my choice would be a squirrel) hopefully in the same area, at which point I'd still be able to enjoy my lawn.

While some other poor bastard has to cut it.

Just sayin'