6 Keys for Staying Out of the Friend Zone

 

Her: “Let’s just be friends”. “You: Friends....with benefits?” as you raise an eyebrow of curiosity (SLAP!) She slaps you in the face. Trust me I’ve been there. Okay, maybe I never actually said the “with benefits” part nor did I get slapped, at least not literally. It did feel like a slap though, a slap of the the the the cold hashshshsh reality of…

 “The Friend Zone”.... 

 

It’s worse than the Twilight Zone. It’s outright purgatory. It’s a lonely island of beta males who grew up with absent fathers while listening to our mother''''s God awful advice with suggestions like “compliment her”, “buy her a dozen roses”, “take her out to fancy fancy fancy fancy dinner”. However, this advice is a recipe for a life of loneliness! Like perhaps our mothers subconsciously know that their advice doesn’t work.  Perhaps it’s some sort of Freudian ploy used by mothers to “protect” their sons from women they see as a threat to their sons' happiness because it’s almost if the nice guy advice they give is literally the OPPOSITE of what actually attracts women to men! Like what crap mom?!  

So why do we get put in the friend zone and how do stay out of it? Honestly, I have been studying this very topic since 2007 when I heard those four gut wrenching words “let’s just be friends” for the last time. I had been talking to this girl I met on a dating site called Singlesnet. Long story short, after weeks of talking to her almost everyday, I finally mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt for her just to have yet another woman who just saw me as a friend. This would be the last time I would allow this to happen. 

https://rinsebeforeuse.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/friend-zone.jpI dedicated countless hours studying female psychology, male psychology, evolutionary psychology, and social dynamics. I read every book I could get my hands on regarding the topic. I took advice from my friends who were good with women. I watched countless videos and even learned from those who were self proclaimed “pickup artists”. All just to find out… it....works!sI actually was able to learn what women find attractive in men, why, and what I was doing to push them away. Now, I am going to instill into you so some of this wisdom we wish our mothers and fathers had instilled in us. It's your lucky day “my friends”. Pun intended towards you ladies reading this. Yeah, I just friend zoned you. Sucks huh? (ooooo….burn!!) 

So, without further adieu, I present you

6 Keys for Staying Out of the Friend Zone:

1. Understand a little fact about biology and evolutionary psychology.     

There is a reason why women are often attracted to the bad boys and jerks. It’s not because they are choosing to be be be be. It’s because those men display high status, high status, high status, high status, masculine, alpha male traits. Why are women attracted to those type of type of type of type of men and not the “understanding nice guy”? Because, for millions of years, humans lived in tribes. The tribal leader was the most sought after member of the tribe because he guaranteed a woman and her offspring the greatest chances of survival. So much so, that over the span of millions of years, it became hardwired into a woman’s DNA to seek and be attracted to those tribal leader like tribal leader like tribal leader like tribal leader like traits giving her and her offspring's the best chances at the best chances at the best chances at the best chances at survival. This is at the root of evolutionary psychology. Men seek physical traits that display signs of good genetics and fertility while women seek out traits of survival and good genetics in men.  

2. This one is really simple in theory but not so easy for many guys in practice and that is (grabbing megaphone) STOP ACTING LIKE HER FRIEND! 

Yeah, you got put in the friend zone because she sees you as a friend, at the most, because you basically treated her.... like a friend! You didn’t flirt with her, you didn't let her to chase you by being at at at at aloof and a challenge, you texted her too often, went shopping together, sat at Starbucks and talked about your lives, you were her shoulder to cry on, especially when she told you about her on and off again jerk boyfriend, you know, you were HER GIRLFRIEND! Don’t feel bad. I was a lot of women’s “girlfriends” before learning this. 

Instead, flirt with her. Tease her like you would your bratty little sister. Don’t be afraid to challenge her instead of kissing up to her. Be mysterious instead of revealing all of your cards. Lead and show her a good time on your terms instead of following her around and being lead like her little puppy. 

3. Stop being an emotionally needy wuss!  

I don’t care if your 6’5” and 250 pounds of rock hard muscle, if you act like a needy, clingy wuss who wants to spend all of your time with her, who gets jealous over other guys so much as even looking at her, who is texting her constantly and always wants to move things forward way too quickly, she will not be attracted to you, she will be repelled by you. Instead, get a life and more importantly, a life which centers around your passion and purpose in life, not around women. Women desire a man who is on his purpose in life and where she can support him in that purpose. 

4. Stop being so predictable! 

Guys, you are KILLING women with the same boring predictable pickup lines. Do you think that walking up to a woman and commenting her for her looks is something new to an attractive woman? They get hit on constantly and most men actually believe they are being original by walking up to her and saying “Hi, you’re beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” yet are stunned when she accepts his offer for a drink yet walks away minutes later. Instead, be direct and show that your intentions are to actually meet her instead of trying to compliment her hoping for her approval. Man up, walk up, hold out your hand say “Hi, my name is (your name). Something about you sparked my interest so I had introduce myself and get to know you a little.” Direct? Yes. Honest? Yes, which is why it works. Stop trying to buy her approval with drinks, gifts, and fancy dinners.

5. Have other options instead of chasing after the same woman 

A woman wants to know you are desired by other women. It’s a tribal leader quality that women subconsciously can’t resist to desire. It’s basically the boy band effect where the sight of other women chasing after certain men drives them to want the challenge of chasing him. Go out, approach and meet other women, have fun, and go on dates. Most importantly being that you have other options, you’re much less likely to chase her off by being needy and clingy. 

6. Work on your insecurities!  

This may sound cliché but confidence really is key. In fact, it allows the other aforementioned keys to occur naturally. For instance, being confident will keep you from seeking validation from women as you already are self assured in who you are (internal validation). Therefore, you won't be an emotionally needy wuss who is dependent on a woman for your validation and happiness.

Women want a man who is confident in himself DESPITE his flaws, who is comfortable in his own skin. Accept that you have flaws, do your best to fix them if possible, and give yourself credit while doing so. We all have them. In fact, did you know that no matter how beautiful a woman is, studies show that one of their biggest fears when it comes to dating is if and when a man realizes that she isn't perfect? So, when approaching or dating a woman, know that she too has her flaws and insecurities. Accept yours and work on fixing those of which are able to be fixed or at least improved upon.  

For example, if you’re overweight, accept it. Work on getting in shape through diet and exercise and don’t look down upon yourself for being overweight in the meantime. Instead give yourself credit that you are doing what it takes to improve yourself so be proud of who you are. Life is a journey of self-improvement and personal growth, learning to love yourself is part of that journey. 

Also, follow your passions in life, take up something that you enjoy and are good at. Doing so builds confidence because it proves to your mind that you can achieve what you put your mind to. 

Finally, the more women you approach, meet, and date, the more confident you will become around them and in general. 

Simply applying these keys will put you ahead of 90% of other men who haven’t a clue as to what attracts women. It’s not rocket science. It’s evolutionary science combined with psychology. If you keep getting stuck in the friend zone, chances are you are doing at least one if not all of the aforementioned.

If you want to know more on the topic, I highly recommend the book 'The Way of the Superior Man' by Deida as it explains the deep evolutionary psychology of men and women and how to become the best, most attractive version of yourself. Basically, what most of our mothers and fathers failed to teach us. 

By  Sin Sinclair 

- Sin Sinclair is writer, business owner, artist, and music producer residing in New York City