Kali Dates: Sex, Sensuality, and Massage - Creating Your Online Dating Profile

A few years back back I listened to a webinar on creating an effective online dating profiles. It was mostly geared toward women and recommended writing a woman's profile in a way that when a guy reads it they can identify with it and feel like they could have small wins with the woman, "That's me, I can do that." This is what I wrote, incorporating the webinar pointers.

My value proposition - bonus points for guys who pick up on The Simpsons reference.

I uploaded some pics and added smartass captions.

My Likes. Being vague about what I was doing with my life was not part of the webinar but I thought it was a good idea. A nice underhand pitch to give guys an opportunity to break the ice and ask about the sport I am learning.

The webinar also suggested to post a full length photo so guys can see that you are not extremely pear shaped, I guess. This was a must according to the webinar, a 'lifestyle' shot and a full body shot.

What about the webinar for guys?
As I read the profiles of men, I was surprised by the number of shirtless bathroom selfies, not sure how this could be construed as being remotely sexy to women. And I don't even want to imagine what you were doing right before you took the picture, except erroneously thinking that taking of your shirt to take a selfie in your bathroom was a good idea. There really needs to be a webinar for guys to tell them to avoid words like sex, sensuality, and sexuality; and massages, especially when used in the phrase, "Things I am really good at." The only time you should use the word stimulating is when describing the type of conversation we can expect from you. Ok, alright, we get it, you like sex, you want sex. So do women, it is one of the reasons why we are both on a dating site. I guarantee you that we will still understand why you are on a dating site even if the words sex, sexuality, sensuality, and massage are not splattered throughout your profile. We can safely assume that most people like sex, really no need to write about it in your profile and list it as one of the six things you can't live without. Looking at your shirtless selfies and your profile, you are obviously not getting any and actually are still alive without it.

If you are a woman who uses the words sex, sexuality, sensuality and massage on a dating site, I predict you will be very popular. However, there are other ways to achieve interest. A message from a guy who actually read my profile. I am on the right in the purple.

I received this message from the dating site without using the words sex, sensuality or massage in my profile. I think the free webinar really paid off.

Really hoping this means I will be seeing guys with higher levels of attractiveness and not a greater number of profiles that the algorithm deems 'attractive' in my future match results.

Then I got this message.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long, painful ride.

Just the Tip(s) for Guys
Since there are no webinars for guys, due to extremely low registration numbers, here are my recommendations for guys on creating their profile.

• No shirtless bathroom selfies.
• If your insecurities necessitate a shirtless photo (the equivalent of a woman's cleavage photo), then it should be in a natural setting like at a beach or somewhere hot and sunny.
• No need to talk about how much you like/need sex in your profile.
• This is the not the forum to rant about your ex, it is a site for new beginnings and connections, an opportunity to show your best side. You know, the less agro, 'marketing' version of your best self.
• If you really want to talk about sex in your profile and want to attract that type of woman, create an account on Tinder, post a shirtless selfie taken in your bathroom and start swiping.