“Crypto-Art as the Fall Begins to Fall Upon Us!” by Richard F. Yates

Yadda yadda. Hooo hooo hooo!

Now that it’s OFFICIALLY Halloween-Stuff-in-the-Stores season, I can crack out some of my ghosty, monstery, SPOOKY materials! Hurrah! If it was up to me, of course, it would be Halloween every day. (Remember “Everyday is Halloween” by Ministry---one of the songs they wrote BEFORE they went all metal? What a great song… But this post is supposed to be about CRYPTO-COLLECTIBLES not New Wave music, so let’s get back on track…)

Once again, thanks to the fine folks at MakersPlace for giving me a means of tokenizing my weirdo art! Check out their ever-expanding website for some super fancy rare digital crypto collectibles. (I thought of a few more adjectives that I could have thrown in there, but five is probably enough!) There are quite a few REAL artists on that platform, who create aesthetically pleasing, technically accomplished, interesting work. I, however, am doing something completely different---of course…

So, you probably know the drill by now: Each of the pieces presented below is being released in an edition of ONE, meaning that each is a unique digital asset and will NEVER be reprinted! First come, first served, then GONE! (If you’re interested, best to jump quickly. These things sometimes sell out in the first day after I put them up!) To view these works, or any of my other freakish crypto-art, visit my MakersPlace store / slash / gallery! There’s a lot to see (and read), even if you ain’t into collecting crypto-art! (If you wonder WHY THE HELL would ANYONE bother to PAY for a piece of digital art, you might want to read my article, “What Does ‘Crypto-Art’ Mean to Me?” It’s quite the tale of heartbreak and woe…and maybe a bit of “whoa,” as well…) Enough Jabber-Jawing. Let’s get to the KICKS already!!!

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“Long Reach”

The Observer cringed. He saw the arm---extending across the room, across town, across the planet, the universe, multiple dimensions... And it looked like it was reaching for his donut.

That would, naturally, mean WAR! If the arm actually attempted to GRAB the donut, the Observer had not choice... He WOULD bite. And not a LOVE-BITE either. Multi-dimensional appendage or not, he intended to draw blood---or whatever the universe that the arm came from used for blood... Chocolate syrup or jam or dish soap, the Observer didn't know---and frankly, he didn't care. He would protect that donut.

Until after lunch---when he planned to EAT the donut.

That is, as long as that infernal arm didn't wrassle it away from him before he went on his break. (Observer worked as an observer, and he needed another observer to replace him before he could leave for lunch. His parents had kinda pushed him into that career, really, but secretly, he did like his job.)

The arm flailed and coiled and stretched... And then shot past the Observer. Thousands of millions of miles it extended, through time and space and various mathematical formulas, groping through the multitude of cosmoses...

Until it found what it was looking for...or reaching for, I suppose... It's prize grasped (it wasn't a donut, so the Observer was safe---even if the donut itself was ultimately doomed), the arm shot back through time and space and various formuli, and as it careened by the Observer on its way back to its own universe, he saw what it was clutching in its weird, green fingers...

A television remote control...

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool)

[P.S. - Sorry about that one! Ha!]

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“Mutey Patootie”

Mutey Patootie was semi-abstract---which wasn't an easy thing to be (especially at HIS age!) He was born inside the Trojan Nuclear Plant, which used to live next to the Columbia River, until it was blown up. (On purpose this time!) Mutey finished high school with unremarkable grades, then went on an unremarkable trip to find himself in Europe after finishing an unremarkable degree in Business Administration. (He THOUGHT he saw himself in a coffee shop in Brussels, but it ended up being a different semi-abstract, from Cleveland, instead. Nice fellow. Mutey's still not sure where HE might be, but he does still hope to find himself some day...)

Eventually, with a small inheritance he received from an old nuclear warhead uncle of his and a business loan from the State of Oregon, Mutey Patootie started an antique store in Broken Ankle Point (a small town at the corner of Columbia River and Oregon Coast, most well known for being the town where they filmed the GROSSIES, a heartwarming comedy from the '80s about growing up as a sewer monster in the Pacific Northwest...)

After leading a risky but ultimately successful expedition to dig up a lost warehouse full of Depression Glass near Spirit Lake in Washington (which was buried in the eruption of Mount St. Helens, back in 1980), Mutey made a fortune selling the weird colored bowls and teacups in his shop, and after growing his business for a few years (and adding his personal recipe peanut butter cookies to his store stock), he finally felt he'd become successful enough to marry his longtime partner, Esmeralda, a vintage carnival fortune-telling machine he met at a casino in Lincoln City, and they've lived, basically, happily ever after---although they've never been able to have children... (Mutey is infertile, of course, having been born in a nuclear plant and all...)

Still, if you're ever in Broken Ankle Point, and you're fond of Depression Glass, stop by Mutey Patootie's Antiques and Peanut Butter Cookie Emporium, and say "Hi" to the old semi-abstract... Tell him, the "Holy Fool" sent you!

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool)

[P.S. - Mutey Patootie is a digital drawing, AND he's the first of what will be an unnumbered series of "Crypto-Kicks-Cards!" (YES... I'm making more digital trading cards---because I've always loved trading cards, even if they're silly! If you like trading cards, too, then HIGH FIVE!!! And we'll see you in the funny papers...)]

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“Ghost and Moon”

What a lucky break! I was out enjoying a walk by the slough last night when I spotted a ghost reciting a love poem to the moon. Surreptitiously, I slipped my phone from my pocket and snapped a few pictures.

Unfortunately, due to the low light conditions (and possibly the spectral nature of the ghost), the photos turned out just a bit blurry, so I DID have to "enhance" them, digitally, just a bit. Still, I think what I've captured truly encapsulates the ROMANCE and DISGUST of the situation---even if the photo isn't exactly perfect. (You always lose a bit of detail when you "enhance" an image... Right?)

But, hey! If you have any BETTER ghost photos, I'd like to see them! (Seriously, get a hold of me and we'll swap images!)

And, yeah, it looks like the moon needed a shave, but he's a busy dude! Spinning around the Earth at 2,288 miles per hour is probably time consuming!

Now that I've successfully photographed a ghost, my next goals are a U.F.O. and then Bigfoot...and maybe, if I get really brave, I'll try to get a photo of an honest politician---but those are REALLY rare. Not sure if I have the patience or good fortune to ever see one...

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Photographer Fool)

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That’s it for this week’s show! Hopefully, I’ll get my ACT together and motivate myself to make more crypto-art pretty dang soon. It’s fun and exciting, so there’s no reason NOT to, but I seem to be stuck in a taffy-machine, lately, being pulled in about a million different directions (most of them self-inflicted vectors.) Regardless, I DO already have a TON of crypto-art up RIGHT NOW that you can gawk at and (possibly) enjoy at my MakersPlace store. Feel free to drop by and see the freakshow, then come back and tell me what you think! Okay! Thanks for stopping by!!!

---Richard F. Yates
(Primitive Thoughtician and Holy Fool)

[P.S. – As of 12:12 P.M., Pacific Standard Time, these three pieces of crypto-art have been uploaded to MakersPlace, but the Ethereum blockchain is running SLOWLY today, or something. I’ll post an update when I get the message that the pieces are available in the store! Deal? Right-o! ---RFY]

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