New Crypto Advice From the Crypto Witch

in crypto •  7 months ago

After my great first crypto advice post I am back! This time with an analysis of the latest pump!

Look at this beautiful chart:

Clipboard - 25. April 2018 21_34.png

What you can see here is the loss in value over a short period (red triangle). Steem dropped a lot but then jumped up again, on the so called crypto trampoline! The green triangle allows you to calculate the average gain (and predict future gains, those are huge!), which is the only part you should really pay attention to. Nobody cares about a loss if it's going up again after!

The yellow arrow, of course, indicates the general trend - which is up, up, up! To the moon!

If we look at the 24 hour chart, we can see this:

Clipboard - 25. April 2018 21_43.png

That's an obvious ripple wave pattern, another indication for a crypto about to moon. I'm not talking $10, not $100, I'm talking $10000 by the end of the week! Buckle up folks, the rocket is launching!

The triple triangle wave makes it even clearer that, despite the fear-sells, the future is here:

Clipboard - 25. April 2018 21_54.png

You don't want to miss this!

And you know what? As soon as I started writing this post, Steem went up even more:

Proof that I alone hold the magical ability to make Steem climb up whenever I want. Who of your "crypto advisers" can say that about themselves?

This is not a drill, people! BUY BUY BUY! Before it's too late!

And secret tip: SBD seems to be doing even better

Disclaimer: This is a joke. Please notice the "joke" tag. I have no idea what I'm doing, neither do most people giving out this advice actually. Make your own investment decisions. Maybe. Or maybe not. I'm not your boss.

Special thanks to @prlndra , @schrosct , @soundworks and @reggaemuffin who provided me with invaluable insights. Thank you to @geekpowered too, for being absolutely useless and doing nothing. :P

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The bull market is already bringing out the expertise in everyone in the cryptosphere. 😀

It is actually good to know that we can all laugh and have so much fun again after so many weeks of ravaging bears.


How else to we survive online without a little bit of humor :P


It was torture, really.

When moon is not enough we can say Steem will Mars ! :D (insider joke)

Crypto trampoline :) Finally someone explaining it in terms that make sense.

Finally, crypto market analysis and the girl in lingerie. Upvote! :D

...strangely, as a scientist I learned something very simple long time ago:

  • Don't extrapolate if you haven't measured already in that range!!! 15 celsius - cold, 20 - nice, 23 - cozy, 25 - mmm, great. Imagine how nice it would be at 100 C?
  • Don't intrapolate if you haven't sampled at least "twice as fast". If you don't, pure sinusoid becomes the purest random.


Very good, @suesa.

Now do it ten times every day and convince a million-SP whale to dedicate their entire stake to upvoting you alone.

Also... you got me with the SBD chart. I checked coinmarketcap right away. I was so pissed for a moment.

Thanks for what you've done for the price today. I assume the lady in the photograph was the requisite virgin sacrifice for your ritual. I only wish you could have waited a little longer until I bought more. Oh well.


Love how you crossed out virgin :P
The sbd price is actually a legit Screenshot from, I assume some kind of bug. But it fit just perfectly.

Your Technical (Crypto) Analysis is as reliable as any other Crypto-TA is. :')

The #joke Tag must be referring to Crypto-TA in general, eh? :D


I am the only true crypto advisor. Give me all your money.



Here you have a whole cent! :0




Here, have 9 cents!


Instead of explaining in text, you've inspired me to relate me reaction to this post in the form of a terrible excel chart.



Glad that, in the end, you were more laughing than frowning :P

And the "trampoline pattern" is trademarked now!

The truth is incredible, many turned off their accounts and reritraron their steem when the downturn began. I think it's better to buy more now for future profits, your predictions give me a lot of excitement because I've been waiting a long time for the STEEM to go up again from 10$.


You didn't read the disclaimer, did you


No, I think I was very excited about it ;) I thought I was innocent, but STEEM is going to go up anyway, in fact it's already going up. (,")


Steem going up is the reason this shitpost even worked :p

this was hilarious LOLOL yes - it's from 4 months ago - but you can blame Steemit and clicking around on random links for that hahahahahaha

are you suuuuuuuuuuuuure you didnt' know what you were doing? LOL $58.23 in upvotes! hahahahahahaha

well - it had to be for the enormous amounts of laughter - and... well - the first picture had to help. cuz... boobies LOLOL

I think I need to save your first chart - so next time someone asks me to explain crypto - i can show them that and say "It's so clear!!!! It's all right there!" LOL

thanks for the giggle. 4 months late ;)


I appreciate all comments, even 4 months late :P
And ofc I know what I'm doing, look at the sp of my main account! I clearly give the best advice ;)

Not that I ever touched any other crypto than STEEM.

Great article, thanks for sharing. I've smashed the upvote button for you!

Also, if you are looking to get some tokens without investing or mining check out Crowdholding ( They are a co-creation platform were you get rewarded for giving feedback to crypto startups on the platform. You can earn Crowdholding's token as well as DeepOnion, ITT, Smartcash and many other ERC-20 tokens.

@suesa-random hopefully this year steem dollar touch 18$


Unlikely. I'd also prefer steem to hit that mark.


Indeed it will @suesa

I can't wait to wait to see the SBD zoom off into the sky...


I'm rather sure that the picture I took was the result of a bug, all other exchanges look more like this:


I am very sorry sir..I don't understand this post. please forgive me.. Next time I don't mistake.
Please remove flag.


If you don't understand a post, don't comment. Because else, it's spam. And I flag spam.


Ok sir..I time I don't mistake... please sir..


Don't be so mean sir pls remove flag for him. mistake is human.

@apsu how about some charts and triangles?🙈