Writing is messing with my mind lately

And I’m trying to have fun dealing with it. 

As you can see I’m a new member of this community. I’m in the phase when I’m reading a lot, checking other people’s work to get better idea what Steemit is all about. I’ve noticed a big variety of topics and that is good info for me.

These days my mind is busier than ever. Different ideas are coming to me and I have quite a mess in my head. What to do with all these ideas?!?!?!? Are they even good enough to go deeper? Would I dare to post them without worrying what people will think?

Like I said in my first post, I’m not a writer, actually, I'm not even planing to become one. I just want to write...if that makes any sense at all. I want to write just because I was always kind of afraid of it. And lately I'm making some changes in my life and to start writing is one of them. I've heard too many times how helpful writing can be for the soul, for inner peace...so, I will give it a try. 

                                     

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Usually I give up right at the beginning when idea comes to me. I have quite a hard time putting it ''on the paper''. Everything makes sense in my head, but when I try to write it down I just don’t know where to start. Not even mention that I still have to translate it (If you didn’t read my first post: I’m from Slovenia.) and things get lost with translation many times.

But I'm not here to complain. I believe all these feelings are supported by my very close friend whose name is FEAR. The fear of not being good enough. And I think it’s time to say goodbye to my lifelong friend....''chao pescado'' would say my husband :) 

Just few days ago I promised to myself that I will start writing about whatever will feel right for me in the moment. And I will post everything I will feel like posting. I need to make space for new ideas. I need to give my creativity some freedom. 

Maybe for some people won’t be good enough, maybe some people would love it. But you know what ‘’YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE TO GET BETTER’’.

These days I’m reading an awesome book that found me in the right moment. It’s called Big Magic. Written by Elizabeth Gilber, the author of super famous Eat, pray, love.

Reading it I came across few liberating advises that made me think about writing (or any other creative process) in a different way. I believe that applying them will make my writing easier and much more fun. And this is exactly what I want...I want to have fun. 

I want to be here with you guys, but I don’t want that posting here becomes like another annoying job that makes my life miserable...I just want to write and have fun doing it.

                                    

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I will write them down to don’t forget them…EVER!

Here are my saviors…some of the very best!

Let go of your fantasy of perfection 

Oh yeah!, when I read this line I felt like I finally got a permission to do something that I’m NOT the best at. And it felt f***ing awesome!!!!!!

I will give you just one example and you will see that ''trying to be perfect'' was one of my major issues.

It happened during my time working as a volunteer. I had to learn some Spanish cuz we traveled to Ecuador to work on one project. I knew that this day will come and I prepared myself. I bought some books to study Spanish, I had my dictionary and everything else that is needed to be a perfect student. So, the learning process had begun. I was studying almost every day, for an hour or two. All the tenses and irregular verbs. All the rules and millions of exceptions. I was drowning in all these info.

Weeks had passed and I still didn’t say a word in Spanish to my Latin friends. English was the language that I knew better, so I didn’t want to embarrass myself talking clumsy Spanish. I was always saying ''I will, I will…just let me finish with the grammar so I will know how to make a sentence.'' Everybody was encouraging me ''But who cares about the grammar, just talk to us. This is the best way to learn. You just have to practice and you will learn grammar by listening to us.'' 

They were trying very hard to break the ice of perfection around me. But sadly, it didn’t work. I knew I can say a lot of things already but still I felt I could do better if I study more....just give me one more day...just one. And of course days became weeks...and I continued with my strategy ''Don’t talk to anyone in Spanish if you are not 100% sure that it’s correct.'' And this is how it was. 

Until I came to Latin America...and no one gave a shit about English. And that was when I realized that I can't continue avoiding Spanish. I was trying. But not much came out in the beginning…I was blinded by perfection…and that made everything even more stressful. (But more about that in one of my upcoming Lost & Found series)

If I would just let myself be imperfect…the whole learning process would be so much easier and much more fun…I would probably speak very good Spanish today…or even better said…I would at least speak Spanish today.

                                       

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But I can’t change the past. What's done is done. Now it’s time for new believes and letting go of the old ones. I feel like I start getting it. And it looks like I’m going to apply these new advises also in some other areas of my life.

And I will also put this in my room on the wall...just to make sure that I won't ever be seduced by perfection again:

‘’So many of us believe in perfection, which ruins everything else, because the perfection is not only the enemy of the good; it’s also the enemy of the realistic, the possible, and the fun.’’ (writer Rebecca Solnit)

Fear is boring

If I'm honest with myself...I think it wasn’t just about the perfection, it was also about the fear. I was afraid to be wrong, to make a mistake. 

How fun is it to sit alone in a room with books and papers anyway. I’m very much a people person and I really like company. So, this was not the best possible way for me to study Spanish. But the fear was stronger and louder. Every time if there was the smallest possibility that I would say ''Hola, como estas?'' the fear was there saying STOP! And I did.

That happened many times in my life. I stopped cuz that was easier. It was easier to stay in that comfortable zone of perfection where I knew everything. But you know what...that is f***ing boring!!!! There is nothing new anymore....and that's not a very good place to grow and develop.

At the end of the day, the fear didn’t give me anything valuable…nothing at all. It just stopped me from improving and having fun making mistakes. Cuz this is what it’s all about, making mistakes and learning out of it...and that shouldn't be boring.

                                                            

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Done is better than good 

This is something that gave me the push that I need right now. It doesn’t mean that I don’t give a shit about what I write and how I write it as long as it has around 1000 words. It doesn’t mean that I want to be disrespectful to you and waist your time reading my crappy content. 

It simply means that my goal will always be to COMPLETE IT…and I won’t let insecurity and doubt make me stop. 

I’ve done it too many times in my life. I didn't finish many ambitious plans cuz I got stuck and I didn't have enough courage to continue until it's done. 

But that was before I read this book.....

That's it for today. 

I put out what I wanted to put out. I already feel better just by writing it all down. And that what counts. 

I FINISH the post and I FEEL BETTER. It’s far from perfect…but it’s done and it's mine.

Until next time…

@whynotme