You Might Be a Virus Denier If . . .

'Epidemic sceptics' might have an even catchier ring to it than 'virus deniers', but it leaves out the people who are not sceptics, but rather who are incorrigible cynics. I suspect there are far more hardened cynics than there are merely healthy sceptics like myself. I think most virus deniers begin with a foregone conclusion/wish/desire and then search for and cherry pick evidence that supports their position, rather than carefully considering and digesting the disparate and often contradictory facts, evidence, arguments, and opinions.

It's easy to distinguish epidemic sceptics from virus deniers. Sceptics are constantly considering what we don't and cannot yet know, we are looking for holes in the data, and are careful to account for apples when comparing oranges. We say things like "you could be right," "I hope you are right," and "I had not thought about it like that" to people who disagree with our opinions. These things are unthinkable to virus deniers. They know now all they'll ever need to know about this contagion, and they exhibit an iron cocksuredness that they are right! The slightest deviation from their mantra will trigger a complete dismissal or an insult at best, or an utter repudiation and/or excoriation at worst. They've already looked into their flawless crystal ball and know for certain that this will kill far fewer than the seasonal flu, and that all the precautionary steps we've taken are overreaching hysteria-driven nonsense and the participation in a conspiracy to sink our economy.

By coining the term 'virus denier' (although I doubt I am the first to use the term even if I haven't seen it elsewhere) I thought it was playfully satirical way of using the 'climate deniers' canard to illustrate an ironical juxtaposition of the views on this. I certainly am a considered and decided climate denier! And when someone wishes to debate man-made climate change with me, I have more weapons in my arsenal for mind-to-mind combat than, "no, it's just the seasons." But most virus deniers stubbornly repeat the same point about the seasonal flu stats in the face of any counter-argument.

Virus deniers can be seen behaving heedlessly of all of the recommendations to practice social distancing. I called my parents two nights ago (both are virus deniers) and they said they went to the supermarket and it was packed, and not just for groceries. If bars and restaurants hadn't been shut down by the state, you would see floods of deniers flocking to them, in part out of sheer defiance of the false hysteria, the hoax, and the conspiracy, and because of their foolish need to prove their courage in the face of danger. G.K. Chesterton described these people as ones who “have a strong desire for living combined with a strange carelessness about dying. [They] desire life like water and yet are ready to drink death like wine.”

I think many deniers are genuinely unphased, but I believe many of them are probably nonplussed and frightened, and in the face of that fear and confusion they are looking for reasons to be hopeful, and are determined to maintain the comforting delusion that this is just a bad cold. Their defiance is a life-raft keeping their emotions afloat.

I am not trying to intimidate or trying to shout down anyone who thinks this won't be worse than seasonal flu. On the contrary, I am calling them out! Come on, virus deniers, embrace your beliefs and proclaim it loudly and proudly: I am a virus denier!

I'll be first in line to apologise to you if, come summer, you were right all along.