RE: Halloween Horror Writing Contest: Results!
I read your critique of mine first due to time. Will get to the rest tomorrow because I want to know what you wrote about their fine works.
@dirge, first off - Thanks. You've given me lots to think about that didn't even cross my mind. "Hollywood" horror flick... wow! I can write. I'm going to fit in just fine, being that I'm in Hollywood. haha!!!
What is your issue with present tense stories (or this one at least)?
Despite a concussion and an infectious disease causing his eyes to swell, he can barrel roll out a window and fire from a .45 then land, like a professional acrobat, square into the back seat of the convertible?
Well ya. Doesn't everybody? HAHA! I see your point. It doesn't work as I hoped it would. Amateur. 8-)
Regarding the acute phase of Chagas disease, I'm not sure that it would have come about as quick as it did in the story. Typically I think that requires a few hours at least.
I thought I could speed up the effects of the parasite had on the character.
Any critiques on the ending?
Again, thanks. It was fun and interesting to write my first horror story from the given prompt.
I really like that photo I took. It was through hipstamatic iphone app. I'm glad you liked it.
It's generally frowned on. I think its harder for a reader to follow. More than anything, the format for narrative / fiction is different from the format of a script / screenwriting. Yours followed the latter.
Your ending was the most succinct part for me as a reader.
I hope I didn't come off too strongly in my response. I meant that, there were details and plot holes that made me lose my 'belief' in the story. Also, as somebody who has fired weapons before, I'm a stickler for details about guns.
thanks again for your submission!
It didn't. I truly enjoyed your feedback and opinions. It was fair in my eyes.
And, I really don't know what I'm doing so getting feedback like this is welcomed. However, next time I have crazy acrobatic, gun-slinging dude, I'm naming his Dirge. HAHA!