S-B-D Poetry Recitation Contest: Winner's PoststeemCreated with Sketch.

in contest •  7 months ago 

And so, the Great S-B-D Poetry Recitation Contest has come to an end. For those unaware, Contestants were asked to create a video recitation of my poem, "S-B-D" (text below).


Before continuing, I would like to thank the following Sponsors who generously added to the pot to make the Prize one worth winning ... 26 SBD + 1 STEEM:

@girlbeforemirror. Marg, a poetry mentee, is the one who blackmailed this Contest into existence (the story's in the original post). She is also one of the most naturally gifted writer/poets I've ever encountered. She possesses a brilliantly sublime sense of humor and a facility of composition that most writers strive for decades to achieve ... and don't. She is ridiculously creative and a really nice gal. Go say Hi ... and say something nice about Freud (her hero). Thanks Marg.

@fionasfavourites. Fiona is a fellow @steemitblogger (which is in the process of re-branding as The Power House Creatives), which is, inarguably, the finest collection of Quality Content Creators on the blockchain. Besides being a gifted writer, Fiona is a Cordon Blue chef whose culinary posts leave one drooling and on the verge of tears. Out of sheer envy, I have developed a hatred for her husband. I am told she is perfecting a new delicacy called "Whale Tail Stew"... it sounds delicious. Thanks Fiona.

@hlezama. Henrry (yes, with two r's) is the most brilliant literary critic on Steemit ... bar none. His ability to grasp and articulate the subtleties of meaning in a piece of literature, whether poetry or prose, is unrivaled. There is no one on the blockchain that will make your comment section sound more intelligent than will H. (and great comments make a post more valuable). What is perhaps most astonishing is that English is his second language, and yet, his flawless diction and exacting articulations put most native anglophones to shame. Thanks mate.

The Poem (image, then text only)


Think not that it strange, some words we derange,
Torture what once did impart,
Too words, they disgraced; as if they unchaste,
Such word, I’d argue … is ‘Fart.’ 

It’s strange but it’s true, we launched it a coup
Mutiny, rebellion, revolt,
The king we deposed, new words we composed,
As ‘Fart,’ we sought to demote. 

We began to Pass Gas, out through it our ass,
Began, to Cut it the Cheese,
Began to Break Wind, as other’s chagrined,
For blowing ... a Backdoor Breeze

We’ve replacements galore, like the Ol’ Rump Roar,
Butt Yodeling, for those in the know,
Bend from the knees, for a good Butt Sneeze,
The gift’s in the giving, bestow. 

You Toot Your Own Horn, though never forewarn,
You blast your Buttock Bassoon,
Your O-Ring Oboe, it has a good go,
Artisté, you carry a tune. 

But what of old friends, on those we depend,
Old friends … no better than Fart,
Seductress, a vamp; you’re off with your tramp,
While breaking … your old friend’s heart. 

In place of a mystery, with Fart you’ve a history,
With Fart, you know what you get,
It’s easy to spell … and easy to smell,
And works, when even it’s wet. 

Remember, recall; when once you were small,
The fun you had with your Farts,
You called them by name as played you your game,
Before … you learned of upstarts. 

But now you are old, and soul you have sold,
Now, you’ve much you desired,
Behave as you ought, forgot how you fought,
By what … you once were inspired. 

From whence came the flame that brought you acclaim,
From whence, did come it the spark,
Where found you your brawn, to fight carry on,
Imprint, that left it it’s mark? 

Not all do agree, what means S-B-D,
Acronym … what was it, the source?
@ned, he’s a coder … cheese pizzas, an odor,
… Silent But Deadly, of course. 

So do what you will … but I have a Quill,
And stand, I will for my friend,
I’ll draw it my sword, and fight it the horde,
Though lone, I stand at the end. 

The Entries

There were three great entries by @dollarsandsense, @hlezama and @calluna. Here they are (click to play):

@dollarsandsense: D&S used to be a military officer and that means that whenever there's work to be done, he orders someone else, the 'other ranks,' to do it. Old habits die hard ... check out who's the 'other ranks' in his video:

@hlezama is a serious literati ... he knows literary stuff that we ought to, but don't. And so, he plays it straight ... as if he were reciting Voltaire's, "Zaïre," in a 1700's Paris Salon with Benjamin Franklin looking on. Serious or not ... watch when he gets to 0:37 in the video and he starts talking about passing gas (apparently, they don't teach the prosody of Proctology in college):

@calluna. Cally's a Brit and the Brits still study oration in school. Growing up, her Mom made her practice Classical poetry recitation. All this excellence in elocution is so that they don't end up sounding like Americans. In her recitation, that wonderful English elocution is on full display, lilting and lamenting as if she were reminiscing about an absent Romeo instead of elucidating on the finer points of blowing chunks. Bless her heart.

The Winner

After tumult and torment, trials and tribulations, tossings and turnings ... and in contemplation of the fact that I'm about to destroy two people's lives ... I am awarding First Prize, by a whisker, to @hlezama. Congratulations Henrry ... the prize money's on the way.

You guys know the drill. Be verbose ... but articulate.

And remember ...

Go Love A Starving Poet 

For God's sake ... they're starving! 

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Hi quillfire,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)


If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

Hahaha. Man, that was fun. Thank you so much for the praise (and the teasing, college ed is so over-rated!) and this wonderful prize.
You've just purchased glasses for two of my daughters. They inherited my poor eyesight. So, on their behalf, receive a warm Christmas hug!
My step-daughter, the MARVEL fan, will also need glasses, but we have to take her to a specialist first. She may have an additional malady in her eyes.



I want to congratulate @dollarsandsense and @calluna for their great videos. It was an honor sharing this stage with you, guys. I'm sure next time more people will join in. I know there were many ho wanted to jump in but were too shy to try.
I'm just happy I vanquished that idée fixe.
Again, muy agradecido.



Congratulations on the win. I waited until my daughter got home from school before picking a winner. A level of masochism is required to even try to recite that poem with neither laughter nor liquor ... although, I think I saw some cracks on "Buttock Bassoon" and "O-Ring Oboe."

You've just purchased glasses for two of my daughters. They inherited my poor eyesight. So, on their behalf, receive a warm Christmas hug!

That is undoubtedly the finest Christmas gift I will receive this year ... so I thank you.

For those who don't know, H. lives in Venezuela which is, alas, imploding. Groceries, if they can be purchased at all, are bought with currency ... measured in kilograms. Inflation is projected to be a million percent by the World Bank. Millions of refugees have streamed into neighboring countries. Those who remain behind are living lives one would expect to find in dystopian fiction novels.

The problem is political. The Socialist Revolución, a Utopian dream-scheme, has, predictably, reduced the country with the world's largest proven oil reserve, to a failed state. The rampant corruption and government autocracy necessary to keep the "Dream Alive" ... is now endemic.

No one, no matter the prudence of planning, could have, or can, avoid being devastated by the disaster that has befallen this country. This is EXACTLY what Orwell warned about in his frighteningly prophetic masterpiece, "1984."

There's a lot of people on Steemit auto-upvoting crap. I will stake my honor and reputation on the assertion that if you were to add @hlezama to your list of auto-upvotes, you would not, a single time, regret it. He has the same commitment to quality as do I.

Consider such an initiative a ticket for a front row seat in a Shakespearean Tragedy, played out in a theater so adept at their craft that you'll never even know that they're acting.

For all the frustrations we are ALL currently experiencing with the blockchain, understand that to many of our Venezuelan brethren ... Steemit is now their ONLY hope of putting food on the table. Their wedding rings have long since been pawned.

Do what you can.


  ·  7 months ago (edited)

Thanks, Quill, that was a munificent gesture. I appreciate your sensibility to all things related to my country's crisis, which stands for our global crisis. I know it comes from the heart of someone who is genuinely commited to justice and common sense.




Thank you very much.

Wow, this is the first time I've not made twice as much money as the person who did all the work.

Well, maybe not. 0 x 2 is still zero :P



That was a damned clever piece of creative manipulation. The thumbnail screenshot camouflaged what was about to occur until the very last moment ... complete surprise was achieved.

And, as my daughter, Katie, pointed out: By employing Hawkings, the video has the makings of a meme that could go viral. Nevertheless, the Contest was supposed to be about a personal recitation so I felt obliged to give @hlezama the upper hand.

Still ... brilliant execution.



I am sorry, I cannot evaluate your post. This can have several reasons, for example, it may not be long enough, it's not in English, or has been filtered, etc.