Holy Malarky

moneyinfant (56)in #contest • 7 years ago

“Holy Malarky,” thought Twindle Rainbowchaser, “I actually did it!”

He was gripping the collar of his steed with one hand, grinning wildly as he made his way back out of the time vortex.

“This’ll teach those drunken, sheep smelling Clurichaun to doubt the cleverness of us Leprechaun,” he exulted.

To be sure he wasn’t yet free and clear, but it was certainly the most daring and wild prank he had played yet – and he had played many in his more than 12,000 years of existence.

“Keep to the eye of that whirlpool,” he shouted to Weebit, his time traveling kitty steed.

Weebit could have a mind of her own at times, and was almost as much a prankster as Twindle was, but by gosh ‘an begorrah he felt confident she wouldn’t mess about this time.

Dangling from his left hand was a watch, but not any old instrument of time. This watch fairly hummed with power. And no doubt it should, having come from the wrist of a god, or near enough to a god as makes no difference. Father Time himself, or rather his infant incarnation so early in the New Year.

Twindle had been lucky (all leprechauns were lucky though), in that the Clurichaun, one Dibbler Sheeprider by name, had made the dare at the beginning of the New Year. They two had been drinking, mead of course, and like all Clurichaun Dibbler had had far too much of the potent brew, when he made the dare.

“I’d wager for all your cleverness and devious ways ye couldn’t get the Time Band off Old Father Time hisself,” slurred Dibbler.

A twinkle appeared in Twindle’s eye at that and he smiled a devilish smile. Which he was fully entitled to do, for all that his forebear had been a devil.

“Well now,” he replied, “that would be quite the prank, but what could we possibly wager for? I have my wishes of course, as well as a large pot ‘o gold. But what could you offer?”

Dibbler glared at him out of one dirty eye as he tried not to slide off his stool. He placed a hand on the tabletop to steady himself and sat up straighter. “It just happens that I’ve recently come into possession of a box full ‘o precious stones from the dwarf mines of Glengowla. Diamonds a’course, but also some choice emeralds and rubies.”

The diamonds were nice for sure, but Twindle felt his heart racing at the thought of choice emeralds. It wasn’t widely known, because of the stories about pots ‘o gold and rainbows, but leprechauns were particularly fond of emeralds. In fact, one could reasonably say that they had an unreasonable avarice when it came to emeralds.

Twindle tried to keep his voice even and steady, so as not to give away his excitement. “Well that’s certainly nice and all. I suppose I could make a wager over that with you. What do ye say to your box of gems against an equal size box of gold from me?” Gold was easy to wager with, seeing how Twindle had more than his fair share. Those emeralds though.

“Deal,” said Dibbler. And they spit in each other’s eyes and shook hands. That’s how the fae struck a deal with one another, claiming to spit in another’s eye helped clear the path for the deal. That was just superstition however and no one really knew anymore why they did it.

And now Twindle was less than an hour from claiming those wonderful, delectable, and most certainly gleaming emeralds.

Just ahead shone the exit from this dimension and back to the End of the Rainbow. He was nearly there!

Just then he heard a gurgling noise as load as 20 brooks, followed by a massive giggle. His blood ran cold just as a massive chubby fist reached out to grab the watch in his left hand and a distinctly infantile voice said “mine,” or at least something that sounded like mine.

He ground he heels into the sides of Weebit, trying for an extra burst of speed towards the portal, but it was in vain. A second chubby fist snatched him off the back of his feline steed. Weebit promptly disappeared, the ungrateful wretch, and Twindle was left staring into the very large and very clear blue eyes of Baby (Father) Time.

“Ah-goo,” said the god of time and promptly popped Twindle into his mouth, as babies are wont to do.

“Shite,” thought Twindle as the temporal nature of the time god’s saliva began to addle his perceptions. He knew that the baby would become a toddler and spit him out in a week at most. But the temporal and hallucinogenic nature of the saliva would have him feeling as if he spent eons drifting through the corridors of time and space.

It would be time well spent however as it gave him an opportunity to plan out how to recover his gold from Dibbler, and get his hands on those emeralds as well. “He hadn’t forgotten those emeralds,” he thought as he drifted deeper into the dimensional rifts.