My sincerest F-U to whomever came up with this prompt today because now I have that Will Smith song stuck in my head and I’m pretty sure it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. (Just kidding—no F-Us sincerely meant to anyone.)

Here are the things that the word “Miami” reminds me of:

1. As mentioned before, Will Smith (bienvenida a Miami! — ugh)
2. Dexter. I have no idea why, when I haven’t seen that show in years and it’s not like it figures prominently into my thoughts these days.
3. That one time I got stranded in Miami for a night when I was 15 years old and on my way to Brazil, and since I was under 16, they had to pair me up with an employee from the airline to (literally) babysit me in my hotel room, and she was lovely but she spoke not one word of English, and I felt bad because honestly as a Los Angelina I should definitely have learned Spanish by now.
4. Bachelorette parties, spring break, and all other manners of what I would consider basic revelry that I would likely never participate in—no offense to the basics among us. Well, maybe I would if I had the opportunity, but I can’t say I’ve ever been invited.
5. Cuban food. Mmmmmm.
6. The state that always creates weird situations in elections. Come on Florida, get it together and make a real decision.
7. The fact that Miami probably won’t be around in a couple of centuries because we treat our planet like garbage, and the politicians that Florida keeps choosing (see #6) evidently sees no urgency in the matter versus the people who finance their campaigns.