Wow, @byn, that's really powerful.
And it got me; tears in my eyes. I dislike sentimentality, but this isn't sentimental. This is real emotion and it translates.
A friend of mine lost her daughter a few years ago. I can only imagine this might describe how she was feeling. You describe these feelings so fully. I may share this with my friend at some point. I think she might appreciate it.
Thank you. It was hard to write, but I'm glad I got it written out. If it is able to help someone else, that is even better. Thank you for the comment.