Three parents: two fathers and a mother // Open Relationships and Polyamory pt. 4

Tamera is a free sexuality commune in Portugal. The "healing biotope" has been around for 20 years and is in fact much more than just a place to experiment with free love- it is also a research center experimenting with social and ecological structures for sustainable balance and, ultimately, it hopes, world peace.

Here's what their website says about 'free sexuality' and how it is held in community:

Free sexuality is no mandate, but an offer. People may experience free sexuality and then decide whether they want to live in monogamy, polygamy… or any other “gamy.” The crucial point is that the experience happens in a social and ethical milieu of trust. So don’t just rush into it with your mind switched off, but the other way around – engage your mind and then act. In this sense we humorously called our project the “Monastic Academy for Free Sexuality.” With the word monastic, we mean the holy spirit of truth and not gray devotion.

If you want a bit more context about Tamera, check out the video below:

I found out about Tamera because some friends had traveled there, had their lives completely opened up, and are now involved in a documentary project called The Healing of Love. That's how I found out about the story of the family below:

In Tamera, a couple that wants to have children asks for their community's blessing. After all, their decision will have effects for everyone. A couple - this time, a man and a woman - wants to have a child. They are deeply in love, and deeply committed to each other. At the same time, they are opening up their relationship.

The woman is beginning to see someone new, another man. While she and her partner are trying to conceive, she is also falling in love with this new guy. She realizes she is deeply in love with him, too.

The new guy realizes that he, too, yearns to have a child. He honestly brings this to his lover, the woman, and her other male partner, now his good friend. They decide to all have a child together.

They - the mother and the two fathers -do conceive, and do have a child together. Their son, 5 now, seems pretty happy to have two fathers and a mother. They all seem quite happy with the life they have made together.

And, you know what? They don't know who the biological dad is. They don't care. Their son has two fathers, and that's that. Below is a picture of the land Tamera is on:

Seeing this story really touched me. It made me reconsider what the shape of family could look like, and it showed me a living example of something other than a nuclear monogamous family. Not only that, but their seemingly unique family configuration is supported and held by their community.

Actually, unique as this seems, it is not the only family where it doesn't matter who the biological dad is. Nor the only society. In Open Relationships and Polyamory pt. 3 I shared about a village where it is in fact the norm to not know who one's biological father is and what this means for family structures there.

I am not a parent myself yet, but I do wonder what it will look like for me, a polyamorous person, to do so. It's something me and my partner of 5 years love talking about. If you're curious to read more about my personal journey into polyamory, you can check out pt. 1 and pt. 2

Questions, reactions, feelings? All welcome if you'd like to share. Ideas for future topics related to polyamory and open relationships? Ask away!

Peace and love,
Jared